Relationship Tips That Nobody Shares With You

In 1967, John Lennon wrote a song that has become an anthem for love, "All You Need is Love." However, despite his musical genius, Lennon was not a perfect human being. He beat both of his wives, abandoned one of his children, and verbally abused his gay Jewish manager with homophobic and anti-Semitic slurs. He even had a camera crew film him lying in bed for an entire day. On the other hand, Trent Reznor from Nine Inch Nails, known for his shocking stage performances and disturbing videos, got clean from all drugs and alcohol, married one woman, had children with her, and canceled entire albums and tours so that he could stay home and be a good husband and father. These two men had very different understandings of love. While Lennon idealized love as the solution to all problems, Reznor understood that healthy relationships require more than pure emotion or lofty passions.

In our culture, we often idealize love as the ultimate goal in life, the final solution for pain and struggle. We overestimate it, and as a result, our relationships suffer. When we believe that all we need is love, we are more likely to ignore fundamental values such as respect, humility, and commitment towards the people we care about. We think that love solves everything, so why bother with all the hard stuff? However, healthy relationships require more than just feelings. They require trust, respect, and aligned values.

Love does not equal compatibility. Just because we fall in love with someone does not mean that they are a good partner for us over the long term. It is possible to fall in love with someone who is incompatible with us, who treats us poorly, or who has different ambitions or life goals that clash with our own. When looking for a partner, we must not only use our heart but also our mind. We must evaluate a person's values, how they treat themselves and others, and their worldview in general.

Love does not solve relationship problems. While love might make us feel better about our problems, it does not actually solve them. We must have a stable and practical foundation beneath our feet to build a healthy relationship. Emotions are intoxicating, but unless we have a stable foundation, they will eventually come and sweep everything away.

Love is usually not worth sacrificing ourselves for. While it is normal for both people in a loving relationship to occasionally sacrifice their own desires or needs for one another, sacrificing our self-respect, dignity, physical body, ambitions, and identity just to be with someone is toxic and destructive. A loving relationship should supplement our individual identity, not damage or replace it.

In conclusion, love is a wonderful experience, but it is not enough. We need more in life than love. We need trust, respect, aligned values, and a stable foundation to build healthy relationships. Love is not unique, special, or scarce, but our self-respect, dignity, and ability to trust people are. We must not let love consume us or sacrifice our identities or self-worth to it because the moment we do that, we lose love and we lose ourselves.