Ready to Explore, 2024

We put incredible emphasis on the resolution list we create at the beginning of every year. All with good intentions of course. Even if our goals were to fall flat, the truth is that not much movement can be created without some sort of game plan. We all want the best for ourselves, I would like to think. Especially those of us with children. It is our job as parents to shovel out as much of the shit that has trickled down our lineage. So those of us who hope for better lives for our children, roll up our sleeves, and we put in the work to make life a little more bearable.

It’s crazy to think what I have accomplished in my lifetime in terms of breaking down generational garbage, even way before my child was born. At a young age, my mindset was, “this bullshit stops with me." I’ve been dead set on that mentality my entire life. If generational trauma runs deep in your family, and you're a curse breaking warrior like me, you understand this shits not made for the weak. Not only are you battling the demons created within you, from as far back as childhood, but you're also going to war with the demons your parents refused to fight.

It’s mental warfare. It’s reversing damaging mindsets, and it’s processing decades of negatively labeled emotions. It’s the constant triggering and reopening of wounds over and over again until you're at the core of all the bullshit. It’s a mud pie of all the destruction and chaos that was never addressed or dealt with until it got to you. It’s not only saving up for your kids' college, but also their therapy because you’re not quite sure how much of the shit was able to slip past your fingers. As much as we hope that we don’t damage our children in any way, it still can escape our grasps and burrow into their little minds. Just think about how much trauma you’re trying to process through. You're fighting past occurrences, present circumstances, and future mishaps.

On top of that, let’s pile the hopes of the American dream and mix it with the current circumstance of the economy. It’s hard out here in these streets. Literally and figuratively. Constantly trying to bring myself back to the present moment and chill the fuck out is another fight I just cant seem to find the motivation for. It's all around exhausting, especially for someone who’s had to start from scratch multiple times in her life. This last time I’ve had to do it while being responsible for a whole ass human. By myself. It’s wild what society expects from people these days.

Nonetheless, I refuse to lose. I’m a go-getter, even if I get it a little slow. I’m still going to get it. I may veer off a few times on my way to getting it because of a couple side quests, a quick battle of wits with a sorcerer, or I have to slay some bullshit, but I’m getting right back on that road, friends. Every year I get a little closer to the treasure.

I have to admit, I didn't really go into 2023 with much of a plan. I had a few things I knew I had to accomplish in order to keep moving. Otherwise I was focused on the cobwebs in the deep corners of my darkness. Releasing the unnecessary baggage is a long process, especially when it includes years and decades and generations of shit. This past year I struggled here and there, fell into a void that induced a high level of constant anxiety, and went a few more rounds with my own demons until another one reared her guilty head. She’s cool now though. Currently rummaging the empty bottles of wine for something to ease her thoughts I suppose. Good luck, sister! Wait until she finds out we’re heading into a dry January. We could all use a reset here at Dark Moon Empire, and that includes all the Demons too. This should be fun!

Despite the inevitable setbacks and having to accommodate new visitors, I’m going to go ahead and mark 2023 as a

success. As the final minutes of the 11th hour ticked down to midnight, I was able to knock out my main goal for this year. A strategic move that has placed me one step closer to building a successful Empire. A firm foundation created from peace and stability which will allow me to continue upward toward the first floor of our beautiful castle. A structure that once completed, will allow me to reign over the land for miles and miles. A home that I built from the ground up, right before it expands out into a wondrous Kingdom that all the story books will be raving about, and it will be all mine.

As my castle continues upward, I focus on creating the level between surviving and thriving. Where, “almost there” crashes helmet first into “this is really fucking happening”, in the best way possible. Here’s to staying focused! To continue healing and learning so my child can grow up in an environment she doesn’t need to heal from. To finally releasing the demons who are ready to leave with a tremendous amount of love, and move on from the memories that have left me stuck. I’m heading towards a life I’m no longer afraid to fall in love with.

Here’s to clinging to the map and compass this time around and not getting so distracted by side quests and dangerous beasts. This is where I stay on trail, where I put into play everything I’ve learned from this past journey. Where I take things head on instead of letting the anticipation of it knock me out. I’m packing a smaller bag this time and I’m heading the warnings from all my noble teachers. From 2023, I break free. Now, I am fully ready to explore, 2024.