A Hiatus Turned Reflection

No, I wasn't dead, nor fighting off some great mystical beast tyrannizing a group of villagers. To those who look forward to what I have to say, or to put it better, write, I am genuinely sorry for my disappearance from the Vocal platform and community.

Some major life circumstances came up and affected my mental so much that such a pleasure as writing for me was too strenuous to do. I hate to be vague, but mental health isn't something our society pays much attention to, and as someone who suffers from various intersections with mental health, know I was in a dark spiral that took months to get out of.

Thank you to those who were concerned! For those who weren't, - know I care for you as well and hope all of you are faring well.

For those who were aware of my few-month disappearance (almost a year now), it wasn't intentional and very much accidental. Life has a way of throwing curveballs at you when you least expect it, and that was surely the case for me.

Those curveballs taught me a valuable lesson of never allowing myself to be too comfortable about the things I believe I have a good grasp on because there is always more to be known, researched, and comprehended. I took that dose of reality, and now, I can engage more holistically than before.

Another valuable lesson I have grappled with over this hiatus is reconciling that an individual is an individual first before anything else.

What do I mean by this?

C.G Jung, A Swiss psychoanalyst, coined individuation, which is the psychological process of a person identifying themselves as an individual and recognizing their innermost uniqueness or becoming one's own self-realization with the aim of psychological wholeness (wholeness is an ideal state where all latent potential is actualized, and all elements are brought to consciousness and are integrated into our character harmoniously). In Lamen's terms, individuation is "coming to selfhood"— What makes a person who they are, why they do what they do, and being okay with how they show up in the world without social pressures of performance, assimilation, and disintegration.

With all that said, I have had a profound restructuring of my psychoanalysis.

While the process has brought some significant fears to the limelight, such as imposter syndrome, fear of love (and being loved), and fear of failure, to name a few, I have allowed some of these trials to scourage not only my mental/emotional energy but the very essence of my being.

Currently, I'm dealing with these issues in real-time in a much healthier place and have been able to process where these inadequacies stem from and how to overcome them to be the conscientious individual I want to be.

Coming to terms with self-love and self-care has been the catalyst that has moved me in the right direction, and while I know it's not perfect, it is progression, and sometimes, that's all that matters at the end of the day.

I also have reminded myself that the top five attributes or traits that have helped shape me to the core of my being from childhood to the present are

1. being loving,
2. kind-hearted (considerate),
3. inquisitive,
4. intellectual,
5. and creative.

From childhood, these traits showed up in everything I did, making the inner child in me feel seen and heard now that I look in retrospect.

On the point of childhood, so much of who and what we come to be is wrapped in who we were as children; so much of our personality, hopes, and desires were so intentional yet tangible as kids.

If we wanted to change the world, we did just that by how our imagination shaped the reality around us!

As a twenty-five-year-old, I miss those aspects of childlike imagination, especially when we live in a world void of creative and imaginative realities.

We are hit with bleak subterfuges that stymie any potential that goes against the status quo.

Imagine, for a second, if we lived in an egalitarian society where social hierarchical domination was eradicated from existence!

Imagine a world where "to each according to their ability to each according to their need" was a lived-out principle that uplifted the poor and the least of these and made them the barometer of a successful society!

Imagine a world where children have civil rights and youth liberation holds abusers liable for not only objectifying said child (as an extension of one's parent) but stripping their dignity and humanity as free agents in society "because they said so!"

Imagine a world where diverse neurological developments don't hinder one's opportunities to care for oneself and have no bearing on one's "potential" value in any given society!

I could go on and on about how creative and imaginative thinking could break the shackles off of our consciences, but that will be for another time. Just know that liberation of thought cannot be bought when enough people are tired of the oppressive forces holding them down (and holding them back); resistance is the only natural cause until liberation for all is a lived reality.

What I will say here and now, Vocal, is, yes, I'm back; I'm black and proud!