You Don't Know Me. . .Yet

Unfortunately, I am just now getting around to this challenge. But hey, we do what we can with the time that has been given to us. Here is a diminutive and insightful list of the quirks and facts about me. Thank you for taking the time out of your day to read this; I appreciate it more than you know!

Also, leave a comment down below on whatever you felt most relatable or most shocking! I want to hear from you.

Without further ado. . .

1. I am an HSP - If I had a dollar for every time someone has told me that I am "too sensitive," in whatever regard, I would have joined the billionaire club a lifetime ago and burned it to the ground. Jokes aside, for anyone unclear about an HSP, let me explain. A highly sensitive person is a person who demonstrates a heightened awareness of the stimuli around them, which can be good or bad. HSPs tend to be bothered by violence and can easily be overwhelmed, which leads them to avoid certain situations. Highly sensitive people can also be very creative and have deep empathy. Ever since I was little, I would have these experiences that I couldn't fully flesh out or understand, but I always had profound feelings about them. For instance, when 9/11 happened, I only remember seeing my mom cry and break down in a panic, frantically calling family members as we watched these airplanes crash as the news unfolded what was happening. Now, as a three-year-old, it would seem extremely unlikely to be able to recall what happened, but I remembered because of how much distress my mom displayed. That feeling hasn't left to this day.

2. I genuinely believe that I have a co-occurring condition of Autism and ADHD (AuDHD) - While I may not have been professionally diagnosed (yet), it would be asinine to know I have been dealing with something my whole life while not having the language to express what it is that I am going through until the latter years of my life. From the countless remarks of "If you would just apply yourself more you would be an A+ student," "Your son is bright and has so much potential, but he tends to not apply himself when it comes to material he isn't interested in," "If you spent half as much time that you spend playing video games, reading your Bible and understanding your faith to your studies, you would be on honor roll, why don't you see that?" from parents, teachers, and coaches, I believe many misunderstand that while those things may be true, if someone is demonstrating those traits, providing them with the resources to hone their abilities rather than patronize them for not applying themselves really goes a long way. It's one thing to recognize a person's giftedness; it's another thing to weaponize that giftedness because they aren't using it to its fullest potential. To this day, I often feel like I am misunderstood. Because of being misunderstood, I either feel burdensome to those I engage with or get so upset with myself that self-loathing settles in because "If only I could communicate better, then that desire of being understood would come to fruition." or "Maybe if I did apply myself more as everyone says then I would be accepted and be not feel so burdensome all the time. While masking has been the saving grace for me, masking can and only has done so much. I may be able to mask social interactions and feelings, but at the end of the day, I face the reality that I can't change the brain I was born with.

3. I am a sexual assault survivor - This one hits a little too close to home for me because when we typically think of sexual assault, we mainly think of a man as the perpetrator and a woman as the victim. In my case, the roles were reversed. A few years ago, I was reading a phenomenal book titled "How I Lost My Religion But Found My Faith" by Leacre. While the author was recounting the events of his sexual assault story, God brought mine to memory as I sat in the library weeping as I remembered what happened to me. My cousin, five years older than me, wanted a baby and took it upon herself to use me to achieve that goal. I hold no resentment or disdain toward my cousin; I don't know if she was projecting a traumatic experience onto me or something else. It doesn't make it right, but regardless, it shouldn't have happened, but here we are. I am still going through the healing process and hope this will never occur to someone I love. I wouldn't wish this experience on my worst enemy.

4. As a result of #2 and #3, I deal with Imposter Syndrome Regularly - I often feel like somebody will expose me for the fraud I believe myself to be at times. Whether it is me being a terrible writer, a "bad Chrisitan," or a phony human being, I have a hard time accepting the many talents, abilities, and blessings bestowed upon me because I, for one, don't believe I deserve such things in the first place. I remember the kind of person I used to be, and while that is my past, it's a past that I can't just up and leave like nothing ever happened. It would be disingenuous to my story, to my life. Every day seems like a constant internal battle of opposing pressing matters, trying to take control of my executive function. When I don't do the opposing thing I wanted to do, it eats me up inside, and the inner critic starts blaring in my mind. I often bite off more than I can chew because if I don't do so, I feel guilty for not "being productive," and while productivity is a relative term, we live in America. America prides itself on being a meritocracy; even if the belief is based on a fabrication, it's a lie worth standing by because, eventually, the work will pay off.

5. I am an INFJ-T. Wait, No, an ENFJ-T? 4w5?... I am Ambiverted? - To switch gears to more lighthearted quirks, this one is very comical and interesting. In my junior year of high school, I took the Myers-Briggs personality test only to find that my initial results were that of I (52% introverted), N (65% iNtuitive), F (92% Feeling), and J (53% judging)...Then I forgot about it. I thought it was extremely cool to be a part of the rarest Myers-Briggs personality type (no shade to anyone else, though, much love), making up only 1-3 percent of the population, but I thought nothing more of it. I basically said, "Yeah, that checks out," and moved on. Then, I hit low in my late teens, a few years after graduating high school. I was lost; adulting was scary, and I had no direction. My Dad suggested taking the Myers-Briggs personality test to give me some suggestions regarding passions and career paths. After I told him that I remembered my results from high school to a tee, he prompted me to take the test again to see what I got. So, after taking the test again, the only significant change that occurred was the I turning into an E, and not by much, followed by some varying percentages from the other traits. I was dumbfounded..." I AM AN EXTROVERT? SURLY NOT!" My Dad seemed just as surprised as I was, seeing that I scored 51% in extroverted, then remarked, "I guess you're both." My current scores are 51% Extroverted, 64% Intuitive, 81% Feeling, 53% Judging, and 60% Turbulent. Now, I identify as an ambivert since it's less explanation. If you didn't know, an ambivert is a person whose personality has a balance of extrovert and introvert features. According to studies, ambiverts engage in a pattern of talking and listening equally—since they share characteristics of those super outgoing and those more reserved. Now you know!

6. If you didn't catch it when I hinted at it in #5, I am a 4w5 - What the heck is a 4w5? A 4w5, The Bohemian, is a personality subtype based on the Enneagram, a personality typing system that describes patterns in how people interpret the world and manage their emotions. There are nine Enneagram Personality Types, each with their own key motivations and fears that largely guide their actions and decisions. A 4w5 is someone who has the core personality of a four with the wing of a 5. Typically, Fours maintain their identity by seeing themselves as fundamentally different from others. Fours feel that they are unlike other human beings and, consequently, that no one can understand them or love them adequately. They often see themselves as uniquely talented, possessing special, one-of-a-kind gifts, and as uniquely disadvantaged or flawed. More than any other type, Fours are acutely aware of and focused on their personal differences and deficiencies. While Fours often feel different from others, they do not want to be alone. They may feel socially awkward or self-conscious, but they deeply wish to connect with people who understand them and their feelings. As the "romantics" of the Enneagram, they long for someone to come into their lives and appreciate their secret self, privately nurtured and hidden from the world. If, over time, such validation remains out of reach, Fours will likely build their identity around how unlike everyone else they are. Fun fact: The INFJ's most common Enneagram results Are Type 4 Wing 5 (4w5). An Enneagram wing is a corresponding facet of our personality; where Type 4 is your core ruling personality, Wing 3 or 5 is another extension of you. Your wing influences your drive and goals and affects the direction of your core type.

7. I enjoy reading and writing - The second should be no surprise, but the motivation for writing mainly comes from the things I read and what I undergo. Because of being an HSP, I can place myself in the subject material of what I am reading and vicariously live through the subjects and experience what they are going through. I think that is why reading "How I Lost My Religion But Found My Faith" by Leacre resonated with me so much. Being able to empathize on such a deep level makes me wonder if it can be a superpower. With that being said, some of my favorite reading genres are |Religion & Spirituality| Relationships, Parenting, & Personal Development| and |Politics & Social Sciences|. Between these three groups alone, I have accumulated 109 books.

8. I am a certified sneaker designer - Back in 2021, I thought it would be cool to showcase some creativity while giving back to those in my influence. I didn't believe words and shared aspirations were enough; I wanted to give something tangible, so I decided to partner with AliveShoes and released a sneaker line. Not only were you buying a stylish custom-designed sneaker, but you were also part of a collective group that helped raise funds to build water wells in disenfranchised communities all across the globe by partnering with Charity: Water. Half of the proceeds from AliveShoes would go into the Refined & Realigned community account I set over at Charity: Water.

9. I have changed how I tithed - I never had an issue with giving. Some suggest that it is one of my spiritual gifts because I tend to "overgive." Regardless, with the numerous church scandals and money laundering going on in religious communities, I took it upon myself to give money where I knew it actively made a difference rather than trusting people in the church to actively do right by their neighbors. I recently wrote an article detailing this point, which will be listed down below. Still, I wondered why churches would grow larger and larger while the community surrounding them only diminished. That is a problem. I changed how I tithed in 2021, now giving directly to charities I trust and could see the impact of my contribution. I give to Charity: Water and donate to my friends' ministry through Intervarsity.

10. I have only shared my heart with one person, and while it didn't work out, I am trying to love again - I am a hopeless romantic, I can't lie. I have tried to subdue that side of me, but the heart wants what the heart wants. While I want to be in an affectionate, reciprocal, God-honoring relationship, I know what it's like to give my heart to someone incapable of receiving it. I hope never to do that again. That being said, that first attempt really changed me holistically. Because that attempt happened, I began venturing down emotional intelligence, personal development, and creativity. While the relationship didn't work out, I would not be where I am right now, I would not be the person I am today, and I don't even think I would be writing as much because she is the one who kick-started everything. I have made a few stories about this fact; you can find them down below!

Huge shout out to Kayleigh Fraser for suggesting this fun and insightful #gettoknowmechallenge. I enjoyed writing this and found reading about the quirky facts about other writers in this vocal community intriguing and inspiring! So, Thank you, Kayleigh! And I am happy I was able to be a part of this challenge!