Raising Your Mother

Raising Your Mother

You know how your parents used to say to you, “I hope you have a son or daughter just like you”. Ironically, I have a mother that is just like me.

When you are younger, you wish your parents would leave you alone and stop trying to get involved in your life. You impatiently wait for high school graduation so you can move out. The newfound freedom will allow you to do whatever you want or don’t want. You can decide what to eat, what to wear, and where to go.

You don’t imagine that one of your parents will pass on one day and you need to take care of the surviving parent. Well, for the last several years, I have been experiencing the ups and downs of raising my mother. Due to her many medical ailments, she is unable to live on her own, but this reality is difficult for her to understand.

My mother’s biggest struggle has always been sharing me which was extremely evident at the time of my first marriage. She was very upset that my husband took me away from her even though we lived ten miles from my childhood home. Then, for her, the situation got worse when we moved our entire family to another state for my then-husband’s career. Six years after we moved, my father passed away in his sleep leaving her completely alone. Her entire family was gone, and she was not only alone, but she was also lonely.

So, we encouraged her to move to be with us so that we may help her through her time of grief and despair. Unfortunately, our marriage came to an end, and my mother and I moved into a small condo together. She was over the moon having me all to herself, again. Then one day, I found someone that I began enjoying time with whenever our schedules would allow. My mother then became jealous of my new friend and began acting like a spoiled child. The only solution was for all of us to live under one roof.

My new husband lost his mother prior to us moving in together. He was fully aware that he would also be receiving a live-in mother-in-law with our union along with sharing each other’s children from previous marriages. We prepared for some ripples from our children, who were all teenagers at the time, as we all had to learn to nurture each new relationship and share our attention equally with everyone. Unbeknownst to us, it turns out the children were good with the new family dynamics. My mother, not so much.

The roles have been reversed and my mother is now the teenager, trying to move out and regain her freedom and privacy. As a family, we have had many talks listing all the reasons that her desire to leave the house we share is not in the best interest of her well-being. My husband and I have repeatedly expressed our concerns and apprehensions about her seeking an apartment away from us. At least once every few months, the conversation needs to be re-visited to remind her that we want her to stay with us so we can help her.

Not many people realize that living with one of your parents again after you have been out on your own for 25 years, can be so difficult. However, I must admit it has been more rewarding than you can imagine. I have had the opportunity to spend time with my mother in the best ways. It is the little things that count in any relationship, like when you can give and never expect to receive anything in return. We enjoy shopping and having small lunch dates during the day. I am also able to be with her when she goes to her doctor’s appointments. I am now able to show her my love and appreciation for everything she sacrificed for me my entire life.