Opposites Attract? At Least You’ll Have Divorce in Common

“I take two steps forward, I take two steps back

We come together ’cause opposites attract

And you know it ain’t fiction, just a natural fact

We come together ’cause opposites attract”

Paula Abdul, Opposites Attract

I’m sorry, Paula, but I disagree with you on this one. I’m a fan, I think you’re wonderful, You’re Forever My Girl, but no.

Maybe opposites DO attract, at least initially. I’ve never quite figured out why that happens as often as it seems to. I have known a number of obviously mismatched couples over the years. The ones where you figure one of the two must be secretly wealthy. Or perhaps they killed someone together and one of them is blackmailing the other one to stay with them. Perhaps they just signed a lease together.

Regardless of how these quite different couples come together, one thing is generally true, at least from my observations and experiences. It seems that when couples are very mismatched and really opposite of each other’s behaviors, interests, and moral codes, it usually makes for a stressful, turbulent relationship.

I think that Opposites Couples sometimes get together out of curiosity. Obviously, they notice each other in some way and I assume there’s generally an initial physical attraction. That’s what we tend to notice first, much of the time. That’s the driving force initially behind agreeing to be exclusive with each other.

Maybe it’s good in the beginning. New relationships are usually like that. But when the honeymoon phase is over, is the Opposites Couple still happy with each other? Or are they starting to realize the big differences between themselves, and realizing that they may have made a mistake?

Then they start arguing over a number of large differences. Participant #1 is religious, maybe Participant #2 isn’t and is getting tired of attending church with P1. Perhaps P2 is a big Trump supporter and P1 is fed up with having Fox News on morning, noon, and night. Or P2 is pissing on the toilet seat while half asleep in the middle of the night and P1 is fed up with sitting on it half awake, first thing in the morning.

It can all start unraveling as a mismatched couple spends more and more time together, really getting to know each other. When you spend extended periods of time together, you learn more about the other person in the relationship. Hopefully, most details you learn are positive and endearing. This isn’t always the case though for Opposites Couples.

If one of them is easygoing, but the other is high-strung, that can be problematic. The easygoing person may be easily manipulated or even controlled until they reach a point when one of the many things they differ about becomes a dealbreaker. Breakups are rarely pleasant, especially if the two people are very much opposites of each other in most ways.

They don’t even have to have big issues for two very different types of people to start to withdraw from each other and for the relationship to suffer. It can be something as simple as one of them being very social, and the other the type of person who’d rather stay in most nights.

Maybe the homebody of the two works a lot of hours or goes to school and works. The social butterfly perhaps only works part-time and likes to go out most nights. Once again, we have two very different people in terms of how often they enjoy going out to socialize, as well as their career and school goals.

These issues can yet again cause stress and irritation in the relationship. During the honeymoon phase, P1 and P2 probably were putting forth the best versions of themselves, and a bit later, more accurate versions of themselves appeared. This is likely when the reality of the situation hits them both, and they more fully realize how opposite each other they actually are.

Can it work for couples who are very much the opposite of each other? It can. I feel that scenario though is more the exception than the norm. If the couple involved are two quite different people with differing beliefs about career, family, politics, religion, and hobbies, it CAN work. It’s just more difficult and will take more effort.

Both people at the minimum, have to be respectful of each other’s beliefs and differences. They certainly can give their opinions about such things, and communicate their feelings for themselves about such topics, and how they feel about the other person’s choices and beliefs.

This is when the couple may decide whether any of the differences are dealbreakers or if they both can accept each other’s beliefs and habits. They can agree or disagree about the prospects of having a healthy relationship together despite all of their differences. I’ve seen a few marriages like these work out in my past.

For each one that does seem successful, I bet at least four or five fail, possibly even more. The last I heard, the national divorce rate in the United States was 50%. I’m going to Google it now and see if that’s close.

Huh, 45% for 2021. Ok, I guess I was about 10% too pessimistic. Maybe people are making better, more-compatible choices these days. That would be something positive to focus on for once.

I have to think that most people want their relationships to work out and to be happy. Compromise goes a long way. Being secure about the person you’re with helps. Communication is so important. Laughter is a must. That’s what my relationship is all about with My Bride.

We’ve laughed at everything constantly since Day One. Once we were friends on Facebook and newly chatting together, I promised to make her laugh 30 times in 30 days. I posted a lot of funnies back then and she was happy to hear I’d post some silly stuff. I delivered on that promise then and ever since.

We both love to laugh and not take life too seriously. We were both newly single and enjoyed getting to know each other on social media for laughter and clever banter back and forth. I could tell we had a lot in common.

Our outlook on life, politics, career goals, and raising our three kids were so very similar. We were reasonably close to the same age. She was as fine as the day is long, and I was smitten with her. She loved to laugh, loved my spaghetti dinner that I made her on our second date, and loved watching our three young children play together after that first dinner.

We never spent a night apart after that second date with the kids there. It was the night after our first date at my place. It was so easy and so natural, there was no questioning about moving in together so quickly and having the times of our lives.

Of course, we had to learn about each other. There were disagreements and a couple of arguments, but we truly were so similar in so many ways, the small mishaps we had along the way didn’t mean anything. We forgave and forgot usually within the hour. We had too many fun days and nights together to let something silly get in our way.

Being on the same page as your person and sharing some common interests certainly makes the relationship move smoothly and so much more enjoyable. We made each other laugh so many times, that it’s hard to remember them all. But some of them do stand out.

I love the time we were sitting at the kitchen table, knocked a cup of water over, and bent down to grab it, bonking heads with each other and laughing our asses off. I swear, it sounded like two coconuts knocking together. I saw cartoon birds flying above our heads. It fucking hurt, because we moved so quickly. But we couldn’t stop laughing.

One time we were riding in her car with the kids, and she held out a handful of Skittles to me. So I smacked the bottom of her hand upward and launched the entire handful of Skittles all over her Honda. I wasn’t sure if she’d kill me or laugh her head off, but I had a good feeling about Door #2. And I was right, it was REALLY funny. Plus I cleaned them up, it felt like the right thing to do.

Rolling through stores together and just quietly talking shit to each other is another favorite pastime. One time in Michael’s she was looking for a large frame for the art piece she made.

Me: “Like this one?” *Holds up a medium-sized frame.

Mai: “No. Bigger. I need a BIG ONE.”

Jason, grabbing her hand and pulling her toward the store exit, “OH DON’T I KNOW IT! LET’S GO!”

I’m certain if I thought about it hard enough, I’d have at least or dozen or more of those silly kinds of stories about us making each other laugh over stupid crap like that. I love that we laugh at everything, and feel the same about so many things in life. It’s so much better being so compatible and alike, rather than arguing constantly about so many differences.

We are both Libras and tend to live up to those traits. We definitely are easy-going and love living a balanced life. Our Year of the Tiger and Year of the Dog statuses on the Chinese zodiac are two of the most compatible ones. It was neat learning that when we were first together.

We have differences. She’s Buddhist and I was raised Christian, though I don’t put much stock in that anymore. I’ve never worried about her being Buddhist. Why would I?

She’s caught some flack about it from a few uncultured types of people. That’s her thing though, and I admire it, actually. I’d be closer to being a Buddhist than a Christian at this stage of my life. Let people believe in what they want.

I have more of a temper between the two of us. I used to get quite worked up at a number of situations that are sort of silly to be grumbling about. I’m never upset with her or the kids. Just things I’m dealing with personally.

My occasional negative energy and moodiness aren’t fun to be around. So I’ve worked at trying to be different. She’s an awesome example of a person living a pretty calm life most of the time. It’s rare that I’m the one reassuring her and calming her down. Sometimes it happens, but she’s done it much more for me over 10 1/2 years.

And perhaps that’s where the Opposites Couple have a chance. Maybe if the couple are both good people, and one of them helps the other through difficult things because they’re so different, perhaps a more loyal, deeper love can progress. I’d never advise a happy couple with many differences to just give up. If it works for you, more power to you.

For me, the most fun, healthy, and fulfilling relationship I’ve had in my life has been this one with Mai and our kids. She would say the same and has many times. We just vibe together. Having so many things in common, loving to laugh all of the time, and caring about each other more than having to be “right” about anything is all we need for long-term love and happiness.

If you’re single and looking, don’t give up your faith. Or your personal preferences and standards. It’s far better to wait for someone that you have a lot more in common with than a completely opposite type of person. Again, those relationships occasionally CAN work out, but I’m convinced a compatible couple is a happier couple. &:^)