My Family and Our Double "Marriage"

I grew up in a broken home. And it wasn't the best experience - but not because my family was broken. It wasn't the best experience because the people involved (mostly a dead-beat biological father) were... shitty. But I grew up with a strong resolve. I knew that if I ever had kids - my life wasn't going to be perfect and I knew the chances of a 'whole' family were slim.

And the start of my family was indeed, a rough start. My daughter and I were alone. I was undergoing therapy from abusive relationships messing me up. But then, my best friend and her husband moved in. I got custody of my niece, who is now my adopted daughter. And then a few years later, my fiance and son came into the picture.

When my best friend (sis) moved in, it was a symbiotic relationship. They needed help getting their finances in order, and I needed help as a single mom of now two daughters. We were already close with each other, and loved each other wholly. After almost two decades of friendship under our belts, we did what most people suggest staying away from: Living together.

The thing about living with your friends is that it either tears your friendship apart or solidifies those familial bonds. For us, it was the latter (thank goodness, because my life would suck without my inner sanctum humans). The running joke for the last few years is I was their "sister-wife." I take care of them like a wife. I cook for them, look after them, prepare their lunches when we remember about it, we support each other during hard times.

Our financials are blended now, between me and my fiance and sis and Bubba. We are integrated into one family. My children essentially have two moms and dads in my house. We stand unified in decisions, and we all have serious communications as a family when things aren't all that great. Our 'joke' about 'sister-wives' and 'brother-husbands,' makes people give us the 'wtf' look. But sex is one of the only things we keep separate as couples.

A platonic double marriage. And it works for us. Not a dynamic that works for everyone. But it works for us. My children are never left wanting for love. We all carry the burden of chores together. And we each carry an important role in our home, and I can't imagine a time when we aren't all together anymore. We still struggle, but it always feels so much less horrible, no matter what happens, because it's all of us together. I find it's much easier to not get lost in the stress of life with a house full of children to stay strong for - and a family with multiple adults supporting each other.

I have found as an adult, to shed my pretenses of love. Love isn't a fairytale relation between a man or a woman, or even just between blood kin. Honestly, my platonic wife and husband have been much better to me than 90% of the people I am 'related' to. I love them like they are my partners (though the sexual part of it is reserved specifically for my fiance). I've allowed people to call me a lesbian, simply because the closed-mindedness of other humans isn't my problem - it's theirs. They don't understand my family, and they don't have to. I have two husbands and a wife, and that's just how I see it in my mind. My children have two sets of parents that live with them, and if anything ever happens to one of us, they will have the rest of us to depend on to get through it.

In my mind, all of these things equal security.

Maybe not financial security. But emotional security is more important to me than anything for my children. As a child, I had everything a child could want in terms of toys and such - but it was the emotional connection with my adults that I craved. Bubba worries the children will be confused - but I am not. The way I see it, my children will help other children learn about the diversity of other people's families. We make sure we include inclusive material in our family, showing the differences between families, and we always explain if questions come up that not all families are the same.

I love my family, and I would never want it to change. The love that fills my home is bigger than any problem we could face. We trust each other, communicate with each other, and confide in each other. My biggest wish is for human beings to understand that the archaic notions of 'family' evolve to a more inclusive idea. One where my platonic double marriage isn't strange, or people don't feel weird about gay couples having an adopted child, and families that have a more complicated dynamic are more accepted.

Love is love. And it doesn't matter, blood or not. Family is family.

And it is as simple (or complicated) as that.