Mindful Effective Communication

Have you ever had a conversation with someone who really didn't listen to you? They act like they are, but it's clear they're not. The irony is that they may think they are communicating with you, but at some point you just don't feel like your voice is being heard at all.

Communication is something we do every day, but because of the pace of our lives, conversation is just a formality. It's like when you go to the store and the cashier asks, "How are you?" It's like she's on cruise control, not really interested in how you're doing.

Mindful living is not limited to meditation, but can also be applied to effective communication in our daily interactions with others. This article looks at 10 effective communication techniques using the principles of mindfulness.

In my work as a lawyer, eighty percent of the cases I see in my career result from some form of misunderstanding and lack of effective communication. People agree to do something. They sign papers and start working on a project. In the end, it turned out that each side had heard something completely different.

Communicate truth: We hear what we want to hear

Suppose someone tells you they will talk to you later. All right, so what does that mean? Does that mean in five minutes? Does that mean five hours from now or five days? Or is it a polite way of saying they don't want to talk to you anymore? The possibilities are endless

I was recently talking to a friend about a problem I was having. I poured my heart out to her, and when it was her turn to speak, she just gave me her thoughts, which were mostly about herself and completely missed the point of what I was saying. I realized that my friend meant well, but she just wouldn't listen.

My initial reaction was sadness because I couldn't understand how she could misunderstand what I was saying. I'm starting to wonder if I didn't express myself clearly enough. However, when I thought about what she said to me, I realized that she was listening to me from the perspective of her view of the world, rather than putting herself in my shoes.

My friend is trying to find something in her life that makes her feel the same way without really understanding how I feel. It was as if she only heard one word and focused on that word, not the context.

I was fascinated by the whole interaction. Of course, this isn't the first time I've had this experience with someone. However, this was the first time all the pieces were in place and I realized the importance of applying mindfulness to my own communication.

Communication and mindful communication

Mindful communication is a term that originated in Buddhist philosophy and has become popular in the West due to the work of Dr. Jon Kabat-Zinn. He is credited with introducing the medical community to the concept that meditation can help people reduce stress and other physical ailments.

Mindful communication means listening and speaking with compassion, kindness and awareness. According to Merriam Webster's Dictionary, regular communication is defined as "the transmission or exchange of ideas, opinions, or information by speech, writing, or sign."

As you notice in the above definition, there is no mention of compassion or kindness. If you look at any regular interaction between people, the form of communication seems to fit the conventional definition.

One person says one thing, the other person shares their thoughts. Most of the time, when someone is asked a question, they answer right away. Not many people seem to really think before they speak. In order to use mindfulness to communicate effectively, we must listen and speak mindfully.

5 Tips for Listening with Mindfulness

1. Clear your head

When someone starts talking to you, do your best to clear your mind of any thoughts. Eliminate any sense of judgment about the speaker.

Listening to someone who has a preconceived idea of who you think they are or what they are going to say puts you at a disadvantage because you may miss out on what you could have learned from the person speaking.

2. Create a safe space

It's never easy for someone to open up and tell you what they think. If you really pay attention to what they're saying, it indirectly tells the person that they're safe with you.

3. Maintain eye contact

When someone is talking to you, don't look at your feet, the ceiling, or anything else around you. Just look the person in the eye. It shows that you care, don't you want someone to do the same for you?

4. Put yourself in the other person's shoes

Experience is relative; It means that people react and see things according to how they see the world. Put yourself in the speaker's shoes and try to see the world from that perspective.

Back in 2004, I worked in an office where everyone strongly supported a certain political point of view. I thought they were crazy, but when I tried to understand why they all supported it, I found that they were really good people who thought the political ideas in question would protect them. I don't agree, but that's okay. I can see why they would think that. That makes it easier to work with them.

5. Don't assume

If the speaker says something you don't understand or are not quite clear on, don't assume, but ask them to clarify their statement. Many times, people think the other person means one thing when in fact they may be talking about something completely different. There's nothing wrong with asking questions as long as you ask them with compassion.

5 Tips for Speaking with Mindfulness

The photo was taken by NATHIYA PRATHNADI

1. Think before you speak

When someone asks you a question, don't immediately start talking. Spend at least 10 to 20 seconds (or more) thinking about the question and how you want to answer it.

When I first started dating my husband, I used to get impatient because he took so long to answer my questions, but then I realized he was thinking about what to say, and I'm not used to someone actually taking the time to think about it.

It moved me so much that I started doing the same thing, and when you take their problems seriously, people really appreciate them.

2. Choose your words consciously

Just because something means something to you doesn't mean it means something to someone else.

I have a friend who has a very strange sense of humor. Most of the time, it sounds like he's insulting you, but he's not. I don't think he knows what he's doing, and he's always surprised that people get mad at him or feel hurt after talking to him.

Painful words can cause more damage than physical pain, so consciously choose your words carefully. Not everyone is willing to give another person a second chance. Saying a word without thinking can cause a person to lose their job or end a relationship.

3. Tell your truth

A lot of times when we talk to someone, we like to project a certain image. We want to look as perfect as possible. We want the other person to like us and think highly of us. As a result, many people try too hard to be someone they are not, and they end up acting in this way by talking.

The best thing you can do for yourself is to be yourself. That means you're being honest. This doesn't mean you have to be rude or mean. You can speak your truth with compassion and kindness.

For example, I once met someone who was very picky about vegetarians. Interestingly, this person did not know that I had been a vegetarian for 21 years. I have two choices. I can either cooperate or tell the truth. I went up and told the man the truth.

I was calm and told him I understood his point of view. I continued to share my views on the subject with him. We ended up having a really good conversation, and neither of us had to raise our voices. No one likes to be lied to, so don't lie about who you are.

4. Walk the talk

If, during a conversation with someone, you tell them that you will send them a certain document by a certain date, be sure to keep your word. When you deliver, you earn a lot of respect.

If you don't want to talk to a person again, then don't say you'll call them at some point. Whether it's in business, in relationships, or with friends, keeping your word goes a long way. A Buddhist master once said to me, "Words and deeds are one." So, don't say you will do something when you really aren't going to.

Parting words: Effective communication

As A former "Type A" personality, I was always on the road and never really had time to talk to people. I always need to be somewhere else or do something. I'm all too aware that the above steps may seem too time-consuming, but if you want to succeed at anything, if you want to build meaningful relationships, you need people. As the saying goes, "It takes two to tango".

The only way to get people to respect you is to respect them and communicate effectively using mindfulness is one of the best ways to earn that respect.

We all want to be heard and understood. Sometimes, in order for others to hear and understand us, we must first hear and understand them.