Memory

The heat of the Summer Solstice came down on our faces. Laying in the sand on the beach. My left hand found a seashell.

The sea breeze brought in the smell of distant memories. I lick my lips in hopes that I will taste what my mind was remembering. I walk out to the balcony of the beach home I was renting. The sun was at its zenith on this Summer Solstice. The heat sent welcome calm to my aura. I am in a place of constant mourning and don’t know what to do with my emotions.

I miss him.

I should not have come here. That is also my truth. The trips we would take to this island on weekend escapades…he was like the sun I feel on my skin. There was never a moment I regretted being in his presence. He embodied knowledge, ecstasy, bliss, and passion. He made me feel things I didn’t know existed.

And here I am. I miss him.

I watch a couple walking along the beach hand in hand. I watch how sometimes she would dance and giggle. I watch the way he looks at her. He is enchanted by her very being. He pulls her into an intimate kiss. I can see their auras around them as they are locked in love.

I remember us on that same beach the last summer solstice we had together. I rub the seashell necklace around my neck as the memory floods me.

What a summer of romance we had. Being that I am naturally a lover girl, I am love and I receive it in all that I do. And he showed up. When we arrived at the island’s airport. He rented a motorcycle for us to ride down to the property. I knew he liked to ride, but never have I ever been on the back of one with him. He insisted.

“Come on! Just imagine how beautiful it will be to see the ocean while holding on to me?”

He looked at me with his deep chocolate eyes. As scared as I was, he could always take the fear away. I did hop on that motorcycle. And we did ride the few miles from the airport to the beach home. And I knew. I was so deep in love that it might wreck my soul.

As the wind hit my face, I thought how it had only been a few weeks since we had been hanging out. From the first time I saw him, he gave me a feeling in my veins that I could not contain. We met at my best friend’s birthday party. A friend of her cousin’s that I had never seen before. But I knew I wouldn’t let him out of my sight again.

We decided to take this trip because we both have love for water and nature. It would be our first time. I was ready to give my all to him.

He helped me off the motorcycle. Our bags would arrive later by the beach property’s concierge. The sun was near setting. He pulled me down to the water. I was so exhausted and wanted to fuss.

“How perfect is it seeing the sunset on our first night? We can’t miss this. And I want to share it with you.”

I wasn’t used to such a vocal man who expressed his wants so freely. Once again, I could not deny him. We walked along the edge and let the waves kiss our feet every few minutes. One of the setting ray’s shot its light along the beach and a sparkle caught our eyes in the sand. Before I could ask, he was already there picking it up. An iridescent seashell. Maybe a little bigger than a quarter.

He turned around and held it in his hand. “Can I tell you something?”

I tilt my head slightly. “Of course. You always can.”

“When I was a kid, I used to dream of waves and seashells. I have always told you that I love the water, but never why. I always had this feeling of peace when I got a chance to be near it like this. But, out of all of the seashells I have seen, I never saw anything like my dreams. Listen.

I knew I loved you from the first night you gave me your number. You give me that feeling of peace that I always dreamed. And this shell.”

He placed it in my hand.

“This seashell is just like the ones I use to dream. Here I am, with peace next to me, and it is when my dreams are fulfilled.”

I miss him.

The cool breeze brought me back as the chill began to sneak up my spine. The heat of the sun couldn’t keep it away. Or maybe it was the memory of my love that is now lost to me. I look down at the necklace that he had the seashell placed on. I remember he said he would never leave me. He said that our love was the kind that the world needed to survive. He said our love could withstand anything this universe through our way.

I guess he didn’t think hard enough. He didn’t realize that some things were out of our control. And no matter how far the world had advanced, it could not save him from his own body attacking him.

I look out at the couple further down on the beach. And I pray. I pray that they are always present in that love and never forget. As I will never forget him.

I love you, my love.