Laser Tag Therapy

Hi, everyone. It's been a while since I wrote something that wasn't book-related.

I completed another lap around the sun last weekend. So far, 27 doesn't look too bad on me (give it time, naturally). Though, it has also allowed me to face up to something that has lurked in the back of my brain for a fair few years. In terms of childhood traumas, it probably reads mildly. But I'll be damned if it hasn't had a long-lasting impact on how I function as a human being.

Villain Origin Story Time.

It was my 11th or 12th birthday. I'd settled on hosting a laser quest/laser tag party. I'd invited a bunch of people from school, and a couple of primary school friends who had moved elsewhere for Secondary. If not everyone, almost everybody had said they could come. I'd even asked people in the week leading up to it at school. Everyone I checked with said they would be attending.

Great, I was certainly thinking. I wasn't massively popular at school, but I wasn't particularly unpopular either. A real-life Inbetweener, as it were. A good party would've improved that, somewhat. I don't know if that was what I was thinking. Though, the times my school friends and I have reminisced about these years, the more I realise just how messed up social dynamics in schools really are.

The day came. I was beyond excited. My two friends from primary school showed up. I was there with them, my dad and my uncle. We waited for everyone else to arrive.

Then we kept waiting and kept waiting and kept waiting.

No one else turned up.

In recent years, I realise perhaps it was down to the parents of these people. Maybe they didn't want to drag their child out to Swindon for a birthday party (which, honestly, is completely valid).

But you don't think like that as a pre-teen.

You invite a bunch of people to your birthday party, and they don't show. There's nothing anyone can say or do to stop you from thinking that everyone hates you. I cried a bit, but the "party" carried on with who was there. It was too late. Seeds sown, etc.

I've always sort-of-joked-but-seriously told people I have a near-crippling desire to be liked by everyone I meet. If people don't like me after that, I've finally learned that it is okay. However, I do still put my best foot forward, first impressions count for a lot. Maybe I'll stop caring one day, but I think it may just be a part of who I am now.

Anyway.

Leading up to my 27th birthday, I knew I wanted to do something. Though, what that was had eluded me for a while. I bounced a few ideas around before deciding on laser tag. Again, sort-of-joking that it'd help cure some childhood trauma.

I double and triple-checked who could and could not make it (those who couldn't make it told me ahead of time! Neat!) and eventually November 4th rolled around. I'm gonna be honest, I was really nervous. Though, thankfully, everything went just about as good as it could've done.

There was a small party of screaming children when we arrived, but they then promptly left and were replaced by a group of teenagers. Since the first game was a free-for-all, we could go nuts and blast everyone to our (my) heart's content.

And then, they absolutely wrecked us. I think between the two groups there was nearly 20 of us, and the highest scorer from my band of esteemed guys, gals and non-binary pals was me. A fact that I WILL hold over them for the foreseeable future.

What being zapped to pieces by a bunch of sugar-high teens did remind of was the reason why I don't play Call of Duty much anymore: the kids these days are so damn fast. Maybe it's merely a case of me slowing down, maybe they start their days with a G-Fuel infusion straight into the veins, we'll never truly know.

I lost count of how many times I thought I had one of them dead to rights, only to look down at my laser gun to realise I'd been done in by someone probably a full decade younger than me and they were already gone. Haters will say it's a skill issue, but I can't exactly blame my internet speeds in real life now, can I?

However, it didn't stop me from having an embarassing amount of fun. I don't think anyone in that building was more thrilled to be there than I was for those couple of hours.

Our team game was just us, so it felt a lot less hectic, but still undeniably fun and sweaty.

We bar-hopped for a while before heading back to my hometown. I stayed out with a friend until the early hours and turned up at my front door at 2:30am with a kebab in hand. Been a while since I did that.

Still, all joking aside. I do genuinely believe that taking part in laser tag at the ripe old age of 27 has helped me in some capacity. Is it going to stop me wanting to make everyone I ever come across like me? Perhaps not. Though, do I feel like I've finally addressed something that's had a long-term effect on me? Yes, yes I do.

That's what has been missing from my therapy all these years, laser guns.