Just saying

It's December. A time when we are all expected to be cheery. When we are expected to give to others and feel some special magical feeling. I used to feel it. Even when I was working retail and had to endure everyone's moods, stress and the endless months of Christmas music.

Finding the perfect gift. Being with the people we love most. Watching the snow fall and sitting inside in the warmth drinking a warm mug of cocoa. Everybody wrapped up in what they are getting, wanting and what they have.

This year more than most, I've been wondering about those that have no warmth. Those that have no place to go but a cold hard space under a freeway overpass. No cocoa hot inside a mug, no music on the speaker. Maybe dreams of holidays gone by when family held them close?

This year I've been wondering what has led us here, greedy and needing so much more. Thoughtless to our neighbors back but smiling at their face, and judgemental of the lonely but all talk about how sad it is to see. What has led us here?

We talk of kindess to others as we sit in our comfy chairs. We look upon the huddled cold and think they are not worthy. Do you know what led them there? Did they serve in a war and come home to spend the rest of their days huddled under your judgemental stare?

We talk of how others don't deserve because they must have made a mistake that took them there. I don't know how this world works but I do know that I've spent it learning from all the times I've made mistakes. I've turned around and lost my spot and taken the wrong road ahead. I've tripped on the mistakes of others and risen to brush myself off. I've smiled as they pushed me back down and turned to walk away.

We talk about how we are better than the person in hand me down clothes, we ignore the person eating out of the garbage and spend 100.00 on one meal without blinking an eye. We walk past a hungry child or elder as we fill our cars with bags and bags, then go to our warm cozy homes and tell how sorry we feel.

The race is on the media knows every step we make. The government holds our lives in it's hands and we feel safe because our televisions tell us that we should. If we are working hard, if we make a certain amount, if we follow all others as we've been taught then we are what's known as the American Dream. We post our pictures of the presents piled high. Making sure we get the likes.

We go to school to learn what others teach us, never questioning what really happened and why. We teach our kids to graduate and go on to college where we spend so much money we never really get out of debt. Then when it's over and hold the certificate there is such a demand for the job we studied, that we end up working our lives away doing something else just to pay for that piece of paper.

We of course are better than most because we have that paper clutched so tightly and we memorized all the facts that were taught to us. We missed the parents growing old, we missed our younger siblings growing up, but that's the life we live these days.

We don't have to grow our food, or spend time cooking it with care. We can pick up our phones and find whatever we need there. We don't have to shop for what we know would light up someone's face because we'll just get what we would want, or what doesn't take up to much of what we have to spare.

We don't have to take the time to know what someone goes through just to make it through the day. We have the knowledge that we went to work and worked the time away. We come home in the dark and find whatever we need there. On the television they tell us about the fear out there. They tell us to stay home and be safe and lock the rest of the world out there.

What has brought us here? We don't get close, we don't laugh or share. We don't even smile anymore, and if we do we'll never know if it was returned. We cannot hug, or shake a hand, and must be home before the germs that have always been there attack our very soul. Stay a part and judge your neighbor if they don't do the same.

We go to church to have something else to believe. People going into buildings saying they are better. They are each and everyone at the true church, they all believe in the same God yet each and every one have a different name for him. They all have different rules to follow, different things that they must do to make it through to heavens gate.

Division is the name of the game and we don't even notice it's existence. We follow the rules and play the game and don't seem to long breaking through. I'm better than the next guy, because he doesn't believe my preaching. I'm better than the next guy, because he followed the wrong rules. He didn't go to my school, my church or my workplace, he made mistakes I'll never know or understand because they don't line up with my world.

Division is the name of the game, I'm one step a head. That guy over there is struggling, he must have made mistakes. That lady isn't going to heaven because she went to a different church than I and everyone around me is going to die because I chose to breathe real air. I'm not the selfish one, because I did what I was told. I'm not the one whose whining now, because only I could ever be right. I watched the moving people inside the screens so shiny. They told me what I should do to make my world so safe. I am not selfish and I am so kind, because I'm staying inside my shell.

I won't break the bubble of 6 feet a part to share a meal with someone who is starving, but I'll shake my head and judge them for their lack of masked education. My God won't accept them because they must have made a mistake that brought them there.

The single mom that's struggling should have done what kept her husband there, because it couldn't be that he was wrong or just left her standing there. It couldn't be that he made mistakes that brought her here. I won't take time to learn the story because my phone says I shouldn't get to close. As long as I have my own.

The single Dad that had his life turned upside down, maybe can afford to live without so much struggle, but still the eyes of judgement bare down. What has brought us here? Do we really need to know? Do we really need to look down upon another to know what we are worth?

What has brought us to this place, our kids in school on screens, not able to make friends, and if they did make friends still we always wonder. There's no longer a such thing, as letting kids be kids. Instead we wonder what their parents do, what God they serve and if they are good enough to have the things we take for granted.

The other day I gave some change out of my car window. Someone told me later that she is probably taking advantage of the kindness to get a head, she probably isn't homeless or needing, she's just fine and greedy like the rest. In my head I know though, that it's not for me to say, I just wish I had of had more to give, to bring her out of the cold.

What has brought us here to this greedy state of mind, knowing what is best for all? What has made us think we know it all because we heard it on a screen? We fight over religion, we fight over politics. We drag others through our own problems that we refuse to admit or face. We say the situation is bad, but don't stop to find our part. We say that others are the whiners, because they didn't get their way, yet they have listened to us whine for years without the fear.

What has brought us to this time in life? What makes us so much better than the next breathing human next to us or right before our eyes. Why does all the separation make us better or worse? Each of us are hiding our mistakes, hoping that nobody sees inside. We move on to each other one after another, looking for the perfect state of mind that we will never find. We tell others that God is the only way, without knowing or caring what brought them to their knees.

Why are we here inside this place where we never take the time to understand. We all have our opinion and it must be right. These are just observations made by someone who will never matter. Not asking for others to believe, not asking for others to agree. Just some observations about a world I've always questioned in my minds eye.

I struggle to keep the house warm, under everyone's judgemental stare. I pray for food to feed my daughter as I look upon the pictures of the worlds Christmas trees, the piles of gifts they get to give, and the stories of how they never skipped a beat. I try and not to judge what brought them there, because really all I ever want to know, is why I don't deserve the same. I'm blessed I know, for now I have some place to go, some place to call my own. I know that there are so many that are huddled in the cold under the freeway overpass, wondering what brought them there.

My biggest observation is that we are all the same, and until we really see the picture that matters most, we will never have the freedom that our hearts desire most. So don't worry how rich or poor that lonely person is, huddled under the freeway overpass, just worry if they need a blanket or some food or water while they wait.

Maybe as you judge whether they are worthy, you could give a dollar from your wallet, and give a smile. Maybe tell them to have a good day or wish them a better tomorrow.

Maybe instead of whining about who else is whining about their religion, or lack there of, whose whining over politics or who has more, maybe you can reach out a hand and get to know why someone else is lonely, and what can help with kindness instead of a judgemental stare.

Just an observation, from someone who will never matter, before I fade away. We are all the same. You could be rich in worldly goods, and still fall into the same place as the struggling single mother. You could lose your job within the blink of an eye, or be told you are not worthy because someone decided they need more.

I myself choose to sit on the sidelines, knowing I'm not perfect, but I'm trying every day to just be me. I myself may not be seen or even matter to anyone better off in this worlds vision. I don't believe that God lives inside of buildings and I don't believe he'd judge the cold and hungry.

An observation from someone that I'm certain doesn't matter. I believe that if there is a God he loves us all as one. I believe he would sit on that cold hard ground and give his last dime, even knowing they may be rich from all their scamming. I believe he would lift them up with compliments and love and light.

An observation from someone that has grown so tired of trying and have everything thrown back down beside me. I believe that it doesn't matter what degree you have, how much money that you make and I believe we each are hiding dark demons deep inside, because not one of us is perfect.

I've given people a place to stay while they were at their worse, I've been used and abused and left forgotten but I'm sure i'll do it again anyway. I've held back eating my dinner so that someone else could be fed, then told I'm just a bad decision, but I know I'd do it again.

I've heard a million times that what comes around goes around and you get what you give out. I know that isn't true or I'd be living like all of you. Huddled beside the fire, wrapping gifts and having love around you. Doesn't really matter because I also know that I'm not perfect, I've searched inside my soul and found the demons there. I've held them close and figured out what brought them here.

I've observed so much goodness get lost in someone elses disgrace and in all my observations I know that no matter what, we are all the same.