Memories crashing in. Blending together with what was and what is still to come. Wanting, yearning for a life that never was. Seeing it in my minds eye, maybe from the past or just not here.
There is something inside each one of us, something we have always wanted. When we were children we day dreamed about it, adding to it, glorifying it. As we grew older we were told that it was too much, that it was out of reach. We stopped day dreaming as often and only every now and then did we look back into that dream and dream.
Each day I learn to navigate this road, this new way of life, new way of thinking and living. Stepping out of my comfort zone, some days leaves me in tears. I have got to quit looking back because forward is where I'm headed and it's better than back ever was.
Lately I've been wondering what happened in my past lives. How did I get stuck being okay with what I am? I am trying so hard to look within, and find the one I'm supposed to be. I know I am not there yet, I still have much work to do. How did I end up alone?
Seems like just yesterday when you walked down the street, could smile at whoever you want and not be afraid it would be mistrusted as something evil. Seems like just yesterday when I could openly love whoever I wanted and not have to worry about being shot, beaten or chastised.