I've Died Six Times...

I've died six times...

It's been three months since I died and came back to life six times in one day.

Well, I didn't die, obviously, since I'm writing this (as far as I consciously know).

I passed out six times, fainted, or as the medical professionals call it, I had syncopes.

From the outside looking in, it was a scary ordeal.

I was lying on the bathroom floor, looking up at the ceiling and gasping for air like a live fish on dry land fighting for its life.

Being in that situation, any human being would have the thought cross their mind, "Is this it? Is this the end?"

It definitely crossed my mind.

But it's crazy because coming face to face with death, for some reason, wasn't scary at all. It was almost peaceful. That split second of the thought of death seemed like an eternity of peace...

They diagnosed me with having blood clots in my lungs, causing pulmonary edema, leading me to pass out six times in two hours. They said I could have easily died from a heart attack if the clots hit my heart or could even have had a stroke if it went up to my brain.

'Till this day, the doctors don't know what caused the clots, especially as young as I relatively am. I lived a pretty healthy lifestyle. I was physically active and was very conscious of what I ate.

In the ambulance, the paramedic stuck a 15 gauge needle in the larger vein of my neck because the one in my arm wasn't sufficient enough for the ivy to circulate throughout my very low 50 (systolic) blood pressure reading.

"Why are you so pale?" was the first thing that came out of the paramedic's mouth as they found me lying alone on the floor of my father's house.

I was pale as a dead corpse because barely any blood and oxygen were able to circulate through my body. The clots were strangling my heart and lungs of blood and oxygen.

I couldn't even stand up for a second, literally.

It was on my 5th attempt to stand up, and my eyes went black immediately. I knew then that I wasn't going to make it very far.

Even crawling 10 feet and having to reach up to hit the open button for the garage door for the paramedics left me gasping for air, with shades of darkness flooding my eyes.

The ambulance almost didn't make it to me.

On the bathroom floor, I reached up to grab my cell phone on the counter and dialed 911. Once I heard the operator, I passed out for the 6th time without a chance to say a word.

The next thing I remember was waking up with the phone on my side—no one called back - still left fighting for my life alone.

You'd think 911 would call back. They didn't.

And I figured in this technological day and age, they could track my phone and send a cop or ambulance to investigate.

I thought that was the case when I heard an ambulance's siren getting louder from a distance, indicating they were heading to my rescue. But to no avail. I waited 25 minutes on the floor, but that ambulance wasn't for me.

As I think back, as the thought of "Is this the end?" filled my mind, I never once thought of giving up.

Even when struggling to fill my lungs with air, gasping for every breath I could seep in, giving up wasn't even a thought.

I decided to call my dad to tell him I needed help. In the event of me possibly passing out again, at least my dad would know where I was and could direct the ambulance to me.

I called him, and he picked up. "Dad, I can't breathe," I gasped faintly while trying to maintain my breath.

I could hear the panic in his voice.

"I'm gonna call the ambulance!" exclaimed my dad. "Keep your eyes open, son. Hang in there!" were the words I remember him saying to me as I stared up at the ceiling.

"Yes, Dad..."

------

I died six times that day. Not literally. But, as I think back to that tragic day while laying in the ICU, I did die... and came back to life six times.

You don't go through a near-death experience and come away from it the same person you were before it happened.

It's definitely a life-changing experience.

Six times I died. And six times, I came back to life.

But what died, metaphorically, was the things I realized are not worth living for. And what came to life was the realization of what is.

The first thing that died that day was any sadness and depression. Second; anger. Third; hate. Forth; destructive habits. Fifth; fear. Sixth; time.

Life is not worth living in a state of sadness or depression. Things that may cause these seemingly negative emotions happen in life, but it's your choice whether to dwell on it or shift your mindset to focus and realize the beauty of life and all its positives.

Anger is another state that's not worth living with. Everyone experiences anger at some point in life. It becomes problematic, however, when the frequency or severity of anger interferes with relationships, work performance, legal standing, or mental health.

Learn to hate, hate. Yes, it's an oxymoron. "Hate the “Other” because they hate you. Kill them before they kill you" is the mentality of many people in this supposed "dog-eat-dog" world. Life is so abundant in many ways yet fragile that it doesn't make sense to live with hate. Kill that shit!

We are all one and the same, which makes up the whole. So, if you live with hate, you're just hating yourself.

It's easy to die. Yes, dying is easy. Condoning in destructive habits proves it. Continue doing it, and death will come easy.

I could have easily given up fighting for my life and just taken the easy route of dying. But that's not me. I was never a person who would give up that easily, and you shouldn't, too.

In fact, LIVING life is hard. As William Wallace put it, "Everyone dies, but not everyone lives." It takes effort to live beyond your fears.

Fear keeps people from living life to its fullest. After almost dying, I realized that there's nothing to fear. People live with many "made up" illusory fears that keep them petrified from doing anything. Such as taking risks, putting themselves out there in the world, physically meeting new people, doing new things, trying new stuff, etc.

That day, the fear within me died.

Sadness, depression, anger, hate for anyone, and destructive habits were also torched, cremated, and buried.

What lives is a life of realized happiness, gratitude, positivity, opportunity, forgiveness, pursued health, fearlessness, and love, among everything else, that's GREAT! Like me tapping on the keys of this keyboard at a Starbucks on a beautiful Hawaii day!

LIVE LIFE and cherish it!

But, that leaves us with the sixth thing that died in me that day - time. There's no such thing as time because anything could happen at any moment. Death could take you whenever. I came face to face with it at a point I never thought I would.

Going through that, I realized that time could be as soon as now or later, leaving "time" to be just a mere illusion.

Plus, when you die, when it's the END... there's a beginning...

After the "end," something begins...(*think about it*)

To me, "it's always just the beginning..."

I Love You All!

Sincerely,

Michael B. Castelo

Born Again & Better Than Ever!

So, don't be surprised when you don't recognize me.

Prologue

There's actually another twist that came from this ordeal - one that probably saved me from dying a seventh time, literally.

To be continued...