I Thought You'd Retire First...

This week I am facing a number of farewells in my life. I've been trying to avoid thinking about them, but ... ignoring something that is upcoming does not mean that it won't happen.

Today was a busy day with sorting through boxes, finding a missing cat - Lily decided to sneak past someone and get lost in a room that she knows is off-limits which led to a lot of tears from her owner!, and doing some educational assessments for homeschool.

Tomorrow is a busy day with therapies and homeschooling.

Tuesday is another busy day with therapies and homeschooling. But, hopefully, there will be a play date with another homeschool family!

Wednesday is a busy day of homeschooling, IEP testing, and my own services helping with paperwork, scheduling, etc.

Thursday is the farewell day ... with more IEP testing and homeschooling on my schedule too. On the bright side, Thursday is also a birthday party that the kid's have been invited too! Hopefully, the day's events won't leave us too exhausted or overwhelmed to enjoy being blessed with celebrating a friend's birthday.

Friday is my long travel day with homeschool work brought along ... and preparation for the Sabbath.

Saturday is Sabbath - and the one day that my family and I always take off of school work. The rest of the week, including Fridays, we work on homeschooling so that when life happens and meltdowns take over half of a day, we don't have to stress about getting all of our school work done that day. *wink*

So, why am I avoiding the farewells that are coming on Thursday?

Because goodbyes are hard.

Because I don't like change.

Because this particular person has been my "professional friend" since late 2015.

She knew that I wasn't sharing the full story of what was happening behind closed doors for a long time.

She kept reminding me of the resources in the area.

When my kids and I were potentially going to be homeless in 2021, she worked overtime helping me come up with a plan. Thankfully, we didn't end up needing that plan, but I was so appreciative of her help!

When I learned that I was autistic and had other diagnostic changes, she learned with me - without making me feel like I had changed as a person or that I was being "too much" for asking for accommodations.

Over the years when I had issues with providers, she helped me come up with other options and assisted with communication challenges where appropriate.

When I wanted to look into moving, she was supportive - despite us both acknowledging that we would really miss each other. I especially remember when she went against what her boss was saying about me remaining in a location that wasn't meeting my needs and advocating for my needs to be prioritized within my own care plan.

She pushed me when she knew that I needed to socialize... and stepped back when I needed my rest.

She has beautiful silver hair that showcases her wisdom - even though she still argues with me about that point. LOL

When I did share about abuse, she didn't make me feel like it was my fault or that I was a failure or that I should be ashamed of myself... she helped me get answers so that I could make informed decisions... and she was always there to remind me that I was being a little bit stupid when the trauma bond tugged at me... those irritating feelings that encouraged me to go back into an abusive relationship.

I am going to miss her monthly meetings with me so very much.

But, she kept talking about retiring and now she will have one less goodbye when she retires... although she also is a mom and I don't believe they ever retire... *wink*

I am happier here. I am doing better here. I am grateful for everything she taught me in the decade plus that we worked together. I know that she is glad that I am doing better and that I am finally feeling safe enough to be part of a community.

But, the goodbye is still going to be hard.

I am really going to miss her.

I have gone through a number of workers... and she was my constant for many years. I hope that she knows how much she does for her clients.

I also hopes that she takes some of her own advice...

• get outside and enjoy the sunshine

• don't forget to socialize in the wintertime...

• don't worry about things outside of your control

• remember to use a pencil in your planner...

• and enjoy the happy times!

I will miss her as a stable constant in my life.

But, until she retires - or changes her office number, I can always leave her my attempted usual message that I hope brings a smile to her face: "This is you know who and my number is ###-###-####. I am staying out of trouble, except when I'm not... and you can call me back whenever... I'll be around, except if I'm not. Thanks!"

I just wish that goodbyes weren't this hard... I wish that people don't have to move on and out of people's lives who care for them... and I wish that I could say that I won't be sobbing at the end of our meeting on Thursday.

I am glad that I can say (and actually believe) this: I will be okay. *smile*