I remember

I remember so many things.

So many things to be grateful for, so many things I regret. I guess, in a way, that is life. Composed of proud and not-so-proud moments. Mistakes happen, sometimes more than once.

I remember a few parts of my childhood. I remember finding an old, broken piece of wood in the middle road, grabbing it, and pretending me and my brother were in an airplane. We flew the fastest jet there was. Nothing could stop us. And maybe that is why I have such a strong memory of that particular time. The so-called “Core memories,” if you will. The ones you will always remember, no matter what. In this one, our imagination is what astonished me. Our ability to make something small look so big. It was awesome.

I remember this time, when I was a bit older, where I was playing some cards with some of my friends. I was at the age I wanted to be cool. That I cared too much about people’s opinions on me. Thank God that was a phase (even though it was a long one). My brother ran down the hill with our bike, which my dad had just changed for him. He had taken off those little wheels in the back that help those that don’t know how to ride bikes yet. My brother was excited, happy, but not ready. He fell, my friends laughed, and I, being the stupid pre-teen I was, laughed alongside them. I hate that memory the most. How I left my brother crying there, in the middle of the street until my dad found him. Not a proud moment. I am ashamed to this day. I cry while I write this, as silly as it may sound.

I remember all the family time we spend together at the fishing place. My mom, dad, and my brother. Several weekends would be spent there. Most of the time we never caught anything, but there was this one time every single one of us did. My grandpa was there too, this particular time. It started with my brother, catching the biggest of them all. Then my grandpa, my mom, and I. My dad didn’t bother to try and fish anything that day until my mother also got one. He said, “if everyone is getting one, I should get one too.” And he did, the smallest of them all. It was hilarious. We all laughed together and ended taking my brother’s fish home. It was a good day.

I remember the fights between my parents. Some were mild, some were severe. I hated their fights more than anything. It was especially tough to get in between them at times. I was not ready for that, mentally. It shaped part of myself, but I don’t wish that to anyone. Although now, I understand I had it easy compared to many people out there.

I remember my first job, and how terrible my boss was. Borderline abusive, psychologically speaking, that is. Although not a fond moment, I do like to think of it from time to time, for it helped me understand how some people can be mean just because. But also because things always pass. And this shall pass too.

I remember when my parents split up. It was awful. But I had seen it coming. It had become obvious at that point. In fact, it was long overdue. We faced some hard times those years. I remember, perfectly, the day where I felt the poorest. A day I drank water because I was hungry and there was nothing to eat. I had gone to bed early many times to help with the hunger before, but the day was different. It hit differently. By no means have I ever starved. No, not even close. Had to skip meals, yes. Feel hungry many times, yes. But starvation, never. Thank God, and thank my parents, who despite all adversities and all bad things happening around us, gave everything they had to give my brother and me the best they could.

I remember when I got the news I was moving to the United States for college. It was amazing. I actually can’t describe it very well. I felt numb, for part of it. I didn’t think it was real, truly. Not until the day I left. Not until I waited in the airport with my mom and dad. They were amicable at least, so it made things easier. But not so much. I don’t think I had cried so much in my life before, honestly. Hard to tell. It was awful, nonetheless. I remember vividly passing the area where they couldn’t cross anymore because they didn’t have tickets. I looked back, bawling, and then move forward. I thought it was over when I got to the plane, but destiny had a final treat for that memory. As my plan slowly started moving, I looked out the window and saw two distinct shapes in the airport lounge area. Huge windows. And just two silhouettes. I couldn’t see their faces. But the clothing they were wearing that day was colorful enough to stand out. I knew it was them and it made it even harder to fly. But at that point, I had no choice. I was blindly betting on a better life, hoping one day to come back and give to my family what I always thought they deserved as well.

I remember the many days in college, playing soccer, watching movies, making friends, going to the gym, stunt practices, shows, work. So many things happened it is hard to point out them all, or even the more important ones, frankly. To make this story short, I stick to the most important one only. When I met the woman, I would later call my wife. It wasn’t all happy faces at first, but eventually we ended up together and I put a ring on her.

I remember everything that happened from then to now. I am older and my memory is getting better, ironically. The good moments get to have a special place in my head. It helps keep things healthier. Now I am here, looking to the future, hopeful. Hopeful that one day, I will fulfill all my dreams. Achieve everything I always wanted and focus on the people I love. There is so much still to come it makes me happy and scared at the same time. The future is indeed mysterious.

I know if you read until here, you might have called out lots of cliches in these little memories. But that is not a bad thing. What I have come to realize after all these years is that we all not only want the same thing, but our lives are far more similar than we might admit. There are many that dream about the things that I have, and there are many, like me, that dream about the things others have. It is a nonstop cycle, this life. Well, it stops eventually, but while it’s moving, it can be a hell of a lot of fun.

I am ready to create more things to remember now.