I became Cinderella in more ways than one

I grew up reading fairytales and loved them all. I had individual books as well as big storybooks with lots of bedtime stories in them. I also would check out items from the school library and spend all my spare time reading and fantasizing. One of my favorite fairytales is the saga of Cinderella. In addition to the books, I love watching the Rodgers and Hammerstein musical that came on television once a year during the 1960s as well as the DISNEY cartoon version. I have also read the darker Grimm brothers' adaptation titled Aschenputel.

In Aschenputel the stepsisters desire to fit the glass slipper so badly that one cuts off a toe and the other her heel which is pretty grim. At the end of this tale, birds peck out their eyes. In the well-known version, Cinderella's mother dies and her father remarries. The stepmother and two stepsisters treat Ella very badly after her father dies and make her do all the chores. She sits among the cinders near the fireplace and thus she is called Cinder-Ella/Cinderella.

When the prince gives a ball to find a bride the stepsisters go with their mother but Cinderella is left home alone. Her fairy godmother shows up and waves her magic wand to change the situation. Mice are turned into coachmen and a pumpkin becomes a golden carriage. Cinderella's old ragged dress is changed into a beautiful ball gown and a crown is in her hair. She looks freshly made up and is wearing shiny glass slippers. She is off to the ball with only one instruction and that is to be home by midnight before the magic ends.

Cinderella arrives at the ball and is the most beautiful woman in attendance. Her stepmom and stepsisters do not even recognize her. She dances with the prince who is falling in love with her and has a wonderful time. At the stroke of midnight, she runs away losing one glass slipper in her flight. She is once again in her tattered clothing, the coach is a pumpkin and the horsemen return to being mice.

The next day the prince searches his kingdom to find the maid whose foot fits the glass slipper. Just as he is about to give up he comes to the cottage where Cinderella lives. The stepsisters eagerly try to fit their oversized feet into the glass slipper but it does not work. Cinderella comes out of the shadows and slides her foot right into the shoe and it is a perfect fit. Her tattered clothing turns into a ball gown and once again she is beautiful. She goes off with the prince to marry him and the story says they loved happily ever after.

One reason I love this fairytale so much is that it has been an inspiration in my life. From age 13 I had desires to be like Cinderella and at night after reading this bedtime story I fantacized. I was skinny and flat-chested and clothing did not fit me very well. The summer before I began high school I decided I would gain weight and have the best wardrobe when the new school year began. I imagined everyone looking at my transformation as if I were Cinderella at the ball. I did not gain weight and continued to be teased about being skinny so I related to Ella who sat among the cinders as her stepfamily mistreated her.

Just before school let out for Christmas break I declared that I would have a miraculous weight gain and my new clothing would fit and I would be attractive when classes resumed in January but that did not happen. Again and again, during the summer and Christmas break in the 9th, 10th, 11th, and 12th grades I envisioned myself having a Cinderella transformation where everyone saw me as the bell of the ball but it never happened. I thought I would be the girl asked first to dances and the prom but it was not to be.

In April of my senior year, I met Michael Lynn Preston Sr. the man I would later marry and spend a total of 45 years with. In spite of my weighing under 100 pounds. he expressed an interest in me. Beginning the following year of 1977 until 2019 he purchased me beautiful clothing as if I were the sexiest woman around. Whenever we went to concerts, nightclubs, dances, concerts, or even church I felt like Cinderella at the ball. On many occasions, Michael purchased us matching outfits and I was honored he wanted us to dress alike.

I have gained weight over the years and am no longer pencil thin but I never quite got over the feeling that I was Ella sitting among the cinders. I deal with clinical depression, panic attacks, and anxiety. There have been days where I did not fix my hair and dressed as if I were in the ashes because that's how depression affects most people. This would be a big letdown after a fantastic night out looking like Ella at the ball with her prince.

I would often wear a hat and not even comb my hair and was judged harshly. Once when my hair was shoulder length I wore it in a ponytail rather than a style. I actually had 2 women preachers in a church to tell me I needed to keep my hair fixed for my husband and neither of them even had a husband. Depression is real but people do not understand it and think you wave a magic wand and poof lift your moods My husband loved me and always looked at me as though I was dressed for the ball even when I was sitting among the cinders.

This is why on those special occasions when we went out my mood lifted and I held my head high. I pretended I was Cinderella at the ball each time but knew that at midnight (or whenever we went back home) things would return to the way they had been previously. Even with medication and counseling I never knew when I would return home and everything turns back into a pumpkin. I have no forewarning of when I will begin wearing tattered clothing and sitting in the ashes again so to speak. The image of my husband and myself in the blue outfits was from 2019. My shoes were not glass slippers but I sure felt as if they were. COVID prevented us from going anywhere in 2020 and in March of this year he passed away.

I decided to honor my spouse one last time by dressing like him during his funeral service. I buried him in a white suit and I dressed in the same. This was the final time I would feel like Cinderella with her prince in this life but I have many fond memories. My spouse and I often were complemented by others on our matching outfits but I only cared that he thought enough of me to dress us alike. As I was writing this story I realized that the blue outfits my husband and I are wearing in the picture are the same color as Cinderella's ball gown in the DISNEY cartoon, how fitting for our last hurrah.