How to get over your Ex

So, they texted you last night:

All is said and done...it's not you, I just need time to realise myself...

They need time to realise their place in the world? Oh awesome, I thought they could do with a good spiritual trip to Nepal where they could climb Mt. Everest and realise the profundity and transient nature of life.

So, you give them time and space for their personal realisation. Only, that Nepal turned into a trip to California, and Mount Everest morphed into a very tall, very attractive, new spouse. Thank you, social media, for giving us this information in the most blatant form, and to be frank, most emotionally distressing form: swimwear photos.

Naturally, you crack open a jar of assorted foods doused in sugar, and pray to an ancient deity of revenge that your ex will 'accidentally' experience a series of anomalous events that lead to their heart being delicately ripped from their respective body.

This response, while perhaps off-balance, is common within the first week. But if we are reaching the 4 month mark and you are still crying yourself to sleep- time to transform and evolve into a being that is no longer concerned with the affairs (quite literally) of people who do not value your contribution to the world.

How, then, do we move on? Well, we can (and should) of course do the normal activities: exercise, eat healthy food, spend time with friends and family. But sometimes, to be frank, these steps are not quite enough. We continue to feel a cliché hole. And when we feel the hole, we cry. And when we cry, the thousands of thoughts kept at bay when running for 1 hour everyday begin to flood our mind.

So, what else can we do?

Well, thankfully, millions of people have experienced this emotion before, and, once again- thankfully- some have written in novels, in non-fiction and in poetry, the ways we can deal with this grief. Enter: the Bronte sisters.

Emily, Anne and Charlotte have words of advice that may spare us a ladder, and help us ascend the deep pit we have found ourselves in.

1.“If he loved you with all the power of his soul for a whole lifetime, he couldn’t love you as much as I do in a single day.”- Emily Bronte

Emily's summation of unrequited, and often self-consuming, love provides definitive evidence that people have been breaking each-others hearts for centuries. So, first thing to learn from the Bronte sisters: do not feel alone. Not only are people's hearts broken today- they have been broken in the past, and will be broken in the future. Did our ancestors give up when they were heart broken? No, they went out and met your great great grandfather, and thank god, because that rekindling of hope in romantic connection resulted in the creation of you. Glorious, irreplaceable, wonderful- you.

2. "Love is like the wild rose-briar,/Friendship like the holly-tree—/The holly is dark when the rose-briar blooms/But which will bloom most constantly?"- Emily Bronte

Love is great and all, but if you are not friends with your significant other, then the relationship won't stand the test of time. True, honest friendships never fade, they bloom, as Emily proclaimed, most constantly. So have faith that true friends never leave, and moreover, that true friends will find the wilderness of your soul and psyche beautiful - no matter the weather.

3. "What you want to ignite in others must first burn inside yourself"- Charlotte Bronte

If you want a good relationship with another person, you must first have a positive and respectful relationship with yourself. Take their trip to California as an invitation to start igniting love of the self. Treat yourself to something that makes you feel loved (I tend to go on a K-Pop singing marathon in my living room).

4. "But he that dares not grasp the thorn/ Should never crave the rose."- Anne Bronte

Thank you, Anne, Excellent point. Never assume that when you start to love yourself, that other's are going to be willing to love all of you. And if they only like the rosy parts of your life - drop them. If they are not willing to work through all the thorns that constitute human existence- they are not worth your time.

5. "But smiles and tears are so alike with me, they are neither of them confined to any particular feelings: I often cry when I am happy, and smile when I am sad"- Anne Bronte

Your future is blessed with a thousand tears- some of which will be created by joy, and others of grief. but never let the bad times ruin memories of the good. Think back to one thing that your ex has taught you. it may be something simple - like don't date person whose head is made of brick. It may be something fun- like your love of K-Pop. Or, it may be something worth living for - love yourself.

So go out there, and whenever you need some motivation to attend that last pilates class, read some (or one) of the Bronte Sisters. They will guide you, and remind you, that there is life (a far greater life) waiting for you, beyond the thorns and the bushes.

https://www.audible.com.au/pd/The-Bronte-Sisters-A-Collection-of-Poems-Audiobook/B07D2HSY94?qid=1594624413&sr=1-1&ref=a_search_c3_lProduct_1_1&pf_rd_p=771c6463-05d7-4981-9b47-920dc34a70f1&pf_rd_r=91VR4NA49FZNBP1ZJ4HS

https://www.audible.com.au/pd/Jane-Eyre-Audiobook/B081TQFDJF?qid=1594624413&sr=1-2&ref=a_search_c3_lProduct_1_2&pf_rd_p=771c6463-05d7-4981-9b47-920dc34a70f1&pf_rd_r=91VR4NA49FZNBP1ZJ4HS

https://www.audible.com.au/pd/Wuthering-Heights-Audiobook/B076PGFTS5?qid=1594624474&sr=1-1&ref=a_search_c3_lProduct_1_1&pf_rd_p=771c6463-05d7-4981-9b47-920dc34a70f1&pf_rd_r=80HEMS4GM2YJ0J84PK4E