How to choose love

In just four decades of experience on our wonderful planet, I have come to realize many important (but not so important) things. For example, I never really got great satisfaction from doing housework or spending days at home.

Respect those who do. It's not who I am. So, once my children went to school, I soon found that life without a career was not for me. Since I like to share experiences and knowledge, then I realized that educating the world is my goal and I became a teacher.

All of this was important -- it led me to do what I did, but being a mom gave me the most insight. You see, I was telling my children to be confident, to have faith in their decisions, and not to let others influence how they felt about themselves, when I suddenly realized that I was guilty of doing the opposite.

I have no confidence.

I don't have much confidence in my decision.

I did let other people influence how I felt about myself.

My words are just words. I understand that my children will not learn from what I say unless I back it up with what I do. I have to understand why I didn't practice what I said. After all -- I believe in it. I will never tell my children anything other than what I truly believe will bring happiness. So what went wrong?

Fear or love?

I started reading books and articles, and after a while I found the answer: Everything we do comes from love or fear.

The problem is I choose to be consumed by fear.

I worry that I'm not becoming a mother.

I'm afraid I'm not the best teacher.

I worry that the wonderful love I share with my husband may not last forever.

Although I never said it out loud (it was just my internal dialogue), I realized that my insecurities were evident in my actions. I'm not happy. I had a lot to be happy about, but I didn't really feel it.

I'm emotionally unavailable, at least not at full capacity. My light flickers instead of shines, because I keep choosing fear. I had to turn it into love. I had to figure out how.

While it wasn't an overnight process, I began to recognize my thought patterns and change them; It was like hitting gold. So my advice is this: In every moment, choose not fear, but love.

What does this look like?

Set yourself up. Start your day with five minutes of "thinking time." Remind yourself that throughout the day you need to question your intentions before you act. Think of all the people who make it easier for you to feel loved, and all the people for whom you are grateful. It will make you smile; It gives you a cosmic hug. It makes you have a wonderful day, every day.

Ask questions. Remind yourself often that you are in control of your thoughts and feelings. There's no one else. Question your ideas -- don't just accept your first idea.

Act with understanding. If you're feeling bad, you're likely choosing a fear-based reaction to something or someone -- questioning it and changing it. Wait a moment and choose to react from a place of love and understanding rather than from judgment.

Everything has changed. Remember, emotions are not permanent. If you feel uncomfortable, it won't last forever. Do whatever you need to do to make you smile again. Think about the people you love. Spread love to the people around you. It can't help but make you feel better.

Sympathize with you. Tell yourself you have enough. If you can't do this without believing, take action. Do what you need to do so you can believe it, but have compassion for yourself. Focus on how far you've come, not how far you have to go.

Focus on inspiration. Try not to watch too much news. It focuses too much on the negative. Instead, read something that inspires you, or listen to someone you admire (this can be on TV; Not necessarily face-to-face). Websites and self-help books such as these can be real supplements. Dig in periodically and get what you need from them.

End with gratitude. End the day with the same idea you started with. Pick out all the good things about your day and silently say thank you. Make sure your final thoughts come from a place of love.

Why do you choose love?

You are the star of your own life -- just as I am my star and our brothers and sisters are their stars. Here's the thing: We're not that different, not really.

In essence, we all desire the same things - love and acceptance. We just make the mistake of thinking that we have to find it in someone else, when in fact, the only person we need to find it in is ourselves.

Once we do that, everything will fall into place; We're in our driveway. If we view life as a competition, the winners are those who stay in their lane, are disciplined, focus on what really matters, and don't look around at everyone else.

These are the people who naturally draw others in and bring success to everything they touch. Why is that? Because they choose love -- love for themselves and love for the driveway they're in.

And then that spills over into everything else. We can all do this. We just need to recognize when fear arises in our lives and practice replacing it with love until practice is no longer necessary.

Then others can see our true light and be guided by it. That's when we're really happy.