How to live in the moment

I've been imagining this day for weeks, adjusting to the ever-changing dates, trying to avoid the heavy feeling of despair I feel when I think of the long months ahead of us.

This is the second deployment. Compared to deployment 1, this one is clearly more dangerous and brings more uncertainty, longer periods without communication and more anxiety.

Military deployments, and the period before them, are a constant wrestle with time - you keep your head down, pray that time crawls forward at a snail's pace, and then you hope the clock speeds up your life over the next seven to 12 months.

It keeps all involved in a constant state of thinking about the past and then looking to the future.

But while the tendency during this time is to despise the present in favor of the future or the past, it also opens the door to awakening to the present as rarely does the case.

It doesn't matter what else

It requires you to pay attention to detail, say what you need to say, and show love as much as you can -- right here, right now.

Any concern that once seemed relevant and important is reduced and reduced to one - the return of your loved one safe and sound, with no physical, mental or emotional scars of war. You'll soon discover that nothing else matters.

When you're in this state, gratitude comes easily. You can be grateful for a ten-second phone call or a brief letter. But most of all, you are grateful for life itself.

Fast forward two years and I've forgotten what it feels like to connect to the present in such a raw, organic way. I've adjusted to a new normal.

Spurred on by an intense afternoon of extreme worry about the future, including all sorts of irrational thoughts about job prospects, relationships, money, etc., yesterday I tried to use my logical left brain to suppress the anxiety I was feeling.

So I counted numbers, frantically searched the Internet and tried to find solutions by talking to people around me.

The reality was that I was very disconnected from the present and that the moment was completely unproblematic and actually full of love and comfort.

Waste of time and energy

It was no accident that I chose that moment to pick up Sarah McLean's Soul Center and come across this quote:

"When you feel anxious or fearful, it's a sign that your attention may be in the future; When you feel sad or depressed, your focus may be on the past. If you feel angry or critical, your attention is away from yourself; If you feel ashamed or embarrassed, you may notice that your image is unclear or distorted."

I know I've spent a lot of time and energy thinking about what the future holds and what I can do now to make it better. Any attempt to change something that is uncertain and always changing is not only futile, it is exhausting.

It's like looking at your destination with a flashlight when everything around you is pitch black. If you don't focus on each step, you may trip and fall before you get closer to your illuminated destination.

When I step out of my analytical mind, I have a brief moment of clarity -- all I need to deal with is this moment of the day. Nothing else is real or relevant.

The past and the future are not my present reality, and therefore they should be irrelevant to the moment I am experiencing right now.

My gift is perfect

I've never reached a point in my life where I can look back and say, "Good thing I did all this worrying, that's what got me here."

In fact, any worrying memories will be left behind because it doesn't matter. It has nothing to do with what's actually happening. It never will.

My present is perfect because it is what it is - without judgment of past events or anticipation of future events.

In order for me to notice beauty right now, I'm practicing these five things:

Breathing - Focusing on breathing brings awareness back to the body, which we fail to notice when we think about everything except the present moment.

Observe My Thoughts - If you observe your thoughts, you've freed yourself from the cycle of thoughts that become you, which takes you away from the present moment. It also allows you to see patterns and avoid being overcome by subconscious emotions caused by many thoughts.

Notice the signs in my body -- if I'm experiencing anxiety caused by thinking about the future, I immediately feel a heavy chest or a churning stomach. Sometimes I don't even realize what I'm thinking until my body reacts in this way. Now I can recognize the symptoms and consciously shift my thoughts to the present moment.

Making it my task to be present -- instead of getting lost in an endless to-do list at work, I wake up and give myself a task for the day -- extends the time I'm able to stay in the present. If I hadn't done anything during the day, the peace of mind that comes from successfully completing the task would have been worth it.

Don't tolerate worrier - Worrier thoughts often lead us to adopt a victim mentality. Instead of giving in to that attitude, I began to speak firmly to these thoughts as if they were little children -- "That thought is simply not right, and I will not accept it," or "I will not return to this place. Period."

If you become an observer of the behavior, it becomes easier to separate it from your identity.

One moment, sitting in front of my computer, writing about a topic I love, everything falls into place. The past is gone, the future hasn't happened yet - so what's left to really reflect on?