Hello? Are you there?

Hey what's up?

-----------------Just reading this really cool book.

Cool. I made myself pizza.

------------------Sounds good.

Yeah it's really tasty.

You still there?

Hello???????

?????????????

You mad at me?

We've all been there, either as the recipient or as the one who dishes it out! On each end, it can feel like a terrible strain on our emotions. One is feeling ignored. The other, annoyed. Let's analyze this conversation. First of all, the content is light and casual. There is no deep concept or emotion present whatsoever. Secondly, the recipient announces he/she is involved in an activity, creating an excuse to stop a lengthy chat.

To all you people-needing, attention-seeking chatterboxes, let me break it to you. Not everyone always feels like texting back and this doesn't mean that they are mad at you!

An introvert, by definition, is a person who is energized by their own company. This doesn't mean that they don't like to talk to people. It just means that too much time around people drains them and they need to recharge by getting some alone time.

By contrast, an extrovert gains energy around other people. They feel lonely and drained when they are alone too long. If you love to talk to anyone about anything and everything and you love getting out to be around others, you are probably an extrovert!

It all boils down to a few key misunderstandings and miscommunications.

1. Everyone understands themselves. We know why we do things, why we say things and what we are thinking. So, naturally, we understand when others act in the same manner. In the case of the text conversation, the extrovert feels an intense urge to talk. She has been sitting in her house bored and in need of a good chat. It doesn't matter what the subject is. Because she understands the need to talk, she automatically assumes her friend is in the same mood.

This assumption comes without thought. It is in the nature of every human being to naturally feel as if the other person is on the same page. The introvert in this case is also assuming that her friend understands her need to bury her nose inside a good book without distraction - especially since she made it clear that she was reading!

The problem is that neither are aware of the other's needs.

2. Not speaking speaks louder. Fear escalates for the extrovert the longer that her friend doesn't reply. She begins to feel rejected and ignored. Her natural instinct is to text again. When her friend still doesn't reply, this doubles the fear. Each time there is no response, she feels a deeper sense of being purposely ignored, eventually allowing her mind to make up scenarios: She must be mad at me!

The truth is that her introvert friend just wants to quietly enjoy reading her book. She feels as though she has already communicated her need for alone time and decides that ignoring her friend's messages will give her the hint that she doesn't want to talk.

Again, assumptions on both ends lead to a dramatic disaster!

3. Each person feels violated. The extrovert feels as though her friend responded because she wanted to talk. But the shutting off of communication must mean that something went wrong and now her friend is mad. All she wanted to do was have a little chit chat and her friend is completely ignoring her feelings! Due to the clashing of misunderstandings, the extrovert grows more angry and upset, eventually blaming the introvert for not caring about her.

Meanwhile, the introvert has become quite annoyed that her friend continued to text her, despite the fact that she is busy reading her book. When her friend types "Hello" with multiple question marks, it provokes more irritation. Surely, this message is implying that she should stop reading and continue to text her friend. More question marks point to an even bigger desire for her friend to pull her away from her relaxing alone time. She is wondering why her friend is bugging her when she made it clear that she is not in the mood for a conversation. Upon receiving, "You mad at me?" she turns off her phone, eventually blaming the extrovert for not caring about her.

Each person sits in aggravated despair.

Without any further communication, messages like these pile up. The extrovert continues to feel as if her friend is ignoring her and over time, starts to believe that the introvert doesn't like her.

The introvert gets tired of the constant pressure to always text back immediately. This constant annoyance popping up often in conversations makes the introvert think that her friend doesn't respect her personal space. She begins to ignore the extrovert more and more to gain her peace and quiet.

As time goes on, strains on the friendship force distance between them. But the truth is hidden behind all of the failed communication!

They really do care about each other!

What extroverts need to understand is that excessively asking why introverts aren't replying is not going to get them to reply. It is going to stop any chances of a reply! You are better off just leaving the last message you sent and waiting until your friend is in the mood to have a conversation. You will save yourself and your friend some major drama!

Introverts are not primarily talkers, so more talking when they feel like relaxing will only worsen the strained situation. If your introvert friend is telling you they are in the middle of an activity, that means they are kindly letting you know that they are not in the mood to chat. No reply signals that they don't want a conversation, not that they are mad. By sending messages to provoke them to message back, you are creating the situation that you fear most - they are mad at you.

If you really are concerned about what is going on when your friend doesn't reply, just ask if they are busy or if they are in the mood for a conversation. The implied politeness will keep them from getting angry while showing them that you respect their space and desires.

Then, your friend will feel much more welcomed and willing to text you back when the time is right!