Have Dating Apps Ruined Dating?

I may be old fashioned, but I miss the feeling of meeting someone “in the wild” and getting to know them. There was nothing like the time when everything wasn’t shared on the internet and you actually had to ask people questions to find out more about them. There was no tension like wondering if someone had a crush on me, and wondering what I’d do if they did.

Slowly, something changed. I stopped being approached in public as much. Strangers no longer took the time to talk to me or ask me out while I assisted them when I was at work. Maybe I’ve gotten less attractive with age, but I think it’s likely that the way people connect has changed. Instead of genuine connections, we’re oversharing for likes and shares.

The old way of meeting people was replaced, and now you can meet other people on the same device you use to order fast food. I can’t say I blame people for turning to dating apps, afterall, what’s the point of introducing yourself to one stranger when there are billions of strangers on dating apps willing to match with you. Sometimes using a dating app seems like the only way to meet new people. People don’t go out as much as they once did, they mostly work and go home, so where are you supposed to meet them?

It’s tempting to download an app to ‘see what’s out there’ when you’re lonely and bored, but can an app land you a spouse? We all know someone who met their significant other online, so there must be someone out there for everyone, right?

The apps seem to be flooded with pictures of men holding fish, and of course fees. Deluxe memberships, more swipes, special features and emojis are all locked behind a paywall, promising you the chance to find a better mate.

Romance has been a ‘business’ as long as it has existed. If you want to impress someone, you have to bring them to a nice restaurant. If you decide you want to marry them, you have to buy them an expensive ring. There are romantic movies and every type of romantic novel you can think of, but now you pay for the connection itself.

Dating apps make more money when you don’t find your match. If you’re not swiping and scrolling they won’t make money from you. It's in their best interest to keep you single or even make you addicted to swiping. While some offer an ad free experience in exchange for your hard earned money, some apps even have membership tiers that promise more matches if you pay a fee. Dating apps are a ‘pay to play’ business, and the people losing are the ones who sign up expecting to find a ‘soulmate’.

Dating apps aren’t even the first place to charge a fee to meet someone. Before dating apps there was video dating and match making. People want companionship, and there’s nothing wrong with that, but there’s a negative side to accessing all these potential matches.

People are meeting more people than they would have before these apps. Relationships aren’t taken as seriously. Hookup culture is easier to fall into, with one app in particular being nicknamed the ‘hookup app’. Couples aren’t as willing to work on their relationships when there are new matches waiting for them, and cheating has become increasingly easy. People are also losing social skills needed to form meaningful connections.

Social media also plays a part in the new dating experience. Strangers slide into your dms and ask you out on dates. Have a crush on someone? You can find out everything you want to about them with a simple Google search. There’s no need to get to know someone when you have access to everything you want to know about them.

Social media has changed the conversation around dating as well, by changing the way we communicate with friends and family. Now we overshare with strangers to gain likes and shares. In some cases, people make content from their terrible dates with the hopes of going viral. Why would anyone want to date when they could be subjecting themselves to becoming someone’s content?

Perhaps the way we connect moving to a digital space has made us selfish. We don’t connect in the same ways we used to because we’ve forgotten how to connect. We are no longer forming genuine connections the same way we did when we learned about people the ‘old fashioned way’. I, myself, feel that I’ve forgotten how to have a conversation. I used to care more about getting to know people. I would ask them questions about themselves, and get to know their hobbies and interests, now I have to remind myself to ask people about themselves.

With the introduction of technology, the world has changed. Dating and friendships have changed, but is it possible to still remember our human roots while utilizing this new technology?