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By Lenora Altom

By Lindsey AltomPublished 3 months ago 3 min read

I left my toxic and abusive ex-husband over a year ago at this point and I've done a lot to try to heal and recover from not only that trauma but my childhood trauma as well. I've worked hard over the past three years to look at every aspect of myself and notice not only where I was damaged and broken but where I went wrong too. I've tried very hard to own up to my faults and take responsibility where it was mine to take. That being said I know that everything I did in the toxic relationship with my ex was not perfect because for one it's called reactive abuse. You can only take it for so long before you start giving it back. The next thing is that I am human and I am prone to making mistakes and my decisions and thought patterns were not always the greatest. However, everything I did and/or said or didn't say had a reason and most people only know the tip of the iceberg when it comes to what happened between my ex and myself. Also, that's just it, isn't it? No one except who was in the house truly knows what happened. I have my story which I've told and I have a right to tell and he has his. The abuse that I and my children suffered in that home was real and was not made up by any means. I don't have to explain this to anyone I know but because of poor mental health and comments like this I for some reason feel as if I need to explain. This comment I'm assuming was taken down either by Vocal or the author herself yesterday but I got to read it through my emails. This is from my ex-sister-in-law and this is called victim blaming/shaming. I was already feeling stressed due to the holiday season and the financial burden that it puts on one especially when you have children and then I read this. I just can't help but wonder why. Why as another woman would you intentionally seek out another woman to tear her down? I mean I would never. I feel as women we should always be building each other up because being a woman is hard enough as it is so even if you don't like said woman then just don't say anything but don't intentionally seek her out to try and destroy her. Also, as a Christian, I do not feel I have the right to tell another Christian that they are being hypocritical or "need Jesus." Everyone's journey is different and you calling into question their walk with Jesus is just not right in the least little bit. I'm not saying I'm perfect or was the perfect wife to her brother or the perfect stepmother to her nephews but I did try my best and no, I did not blatantly to their faces call the children mean names such as saying they were fat. Most of the time, the boys called themselves that and I told them not to do that. When you only have one side of the story it's hard to see the whole picture but I suppose it's also hard to see the whole picture when you just don't want to. I know nothing I say will matter and everything I say will just go in one ear and out the other because you've already picked your villain and that's fine but all I want is to be left alone. I'm trying to heal over here, I'm trying to find my peace, I'm trying to not stare at every red truck in town afraid that it might be him ready to run me down, I'm trying to not start shaking violently, and getting sick to my stomach every time his name or any of his family's name comes up because the fear lives just beneath the surface edge so please just go away. If you have any sort of decency about you at all please just leave me alone and I will leave you alone as well. I'm not sharing your name, but things like this? This is part of my domestic violence story and I will share it. You were right about one thing though, I'm not a victim- I'm a survivor.

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About the Creator

Lindsey Altom

For me, writing runs in the blood. I've wrote songs, poems and short stories ever since I was a little girl. I mostly like to write about my life experiences mixed with a little fiction or just things that come off the top of my head! :)

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  • Judy Wood Spicer2 months ago

    Well said. I admire you for your strength.

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