Get comfortable

The most uncomfortable comforting feeling of all might be the start of relationships,

Naively drowning oneself on the idea of limitless fondness for the other,

Rushing electrified to encounter them,

Even if it is for a single moment;

Time passes and the feeling becomes familiar,

We change and fragments of us get left behind in the abyss of the past.

The delightful, intimidating faze starts,

The confusion that surrounds us,

The struggle of making it equitable,

Only because you love them.

Love is the most destructive, obliterating, challenging, transforming, fascinating, admirable feeling a human is capable of experiencing;

I wonder if i have made up this impression of you:

Curious, observing nature,

Playing your cards close to your chest,

Dashingly facing life, its obstacles, its challenges,

Its beauty, embracing it unyieldingly,

As every unbeatable figure of the past,

You had your weakness,

The people of your heart as you called them,

There i had my place too you would say,

Often i would find that door sealed with a million of locks;

Questions are stifled in every corner of my chords,

furiously boiling in my throat,

their demandful obnoxious crave to seek the unknown of you;

If only, if only I didn’t long for you as i do,

If only i had never laid eyes upon you,

Would life be easier?

Pressing down on my throat,

You are suffocating me with my own two hands;

I live with this guilt wrapped around my heart,

Devouring me,

It is forcing itself inside of my fragile veins,

Spreading like a murderous disease,

Annihilating every bit of my being.

I fell hardly, miserably, contagiously in love with every fragment of your wretched, beautifully created soul;

The inevitable change happened,

I agitatingly withdrawed from you,

Frightened of the ways we could demolish one another;

I loved you every moment of it,

Your presence and absence,

Your eyes and your lips,

Your smile and your laughter,

Your boldly stares.

I am suffering on the inside, all day and late at night with this cursed silence,

Sobbing and screaming into my pillow,

Not a single person can hear me,

Dozzing off awfully distraughted by the lack of your touch,

Waking up in the middle of the night,

Thinking i sensed your body scent,

Frantically searching for you in my bed,

I find nothing,

I have imagined it all,

I turn around hugging the covers to my chest,

Yearning you were here,

Yearning for a fraudulent, mediocre man such as yourself;

How i adored your smiles,the sound of your laughter, your endless rambling,

Or how you furrow your eyebrows so dramatically when you are confused,

mostly i adore when you gazed at me, in a way you only knew how,

Lovingly, softness apearing in the harsh lines of your eyes,

I could almost feel the hard pressed liquid bottle up in me, breaking through;

I found comfort in every part of you, in everything you are, do and chose

I find everything i wish to breathe for while being with you.

The embrace, the words, the vows, the warmth seem unreal,

fabricated inside my deceptive mind;

Your glances carried a sens of loss,

Something long gone that cannot be brought back to the living ground,

Inimically distant as i anachronisticly dream of what was;

You were an extraordinary illusion;

My heart overflowing with every little thing, you’ve done or said,

Mold buliding up in every corner of it,

Its beauty now ruined.

Fixed with thoughts,

Miserably filling my head with delusions of your warmth wrapping my flimsy, numbing, almost deceased body,

Tendernessly, comforting me in a way only you are capable of.