Don't Judge Me

Musings of a perennial single man.

Don't Judge Me

June 26, 2015. The day that the Supreme Court ruled that marriage was a Constitutional right that should be afforded to all people, regardless of sexual orientation. It was a landmark day for gay rights and really for the entire country. President Obama even had the White House lit up in rainbow colors to celebrate that historic day. It was thrilling to know that people who loved each would be able to get married legally. But was it for me?

My best friend just celebrated his one year anniversary with his husband. They are such a cute couple, it makes me sick to my stomach. Not in a touchy feely, kissy poo way. They challenge each other and are always looking for new and exciting things to do. Me, I'm always wondering where my phone walked off to, when it's right in my hand. Sadly, that's not a joke. Don't judge me!

When they go out for a bite to eat, they look for restaurants that they haven't been to before. Like they are Napoleon and Alexander the Great or something. For me there's always a McDonald's or a Burger King with in walking distance from my house. I had a guy take me out on a date, just before my birthday. Good looking guy, great career. Sweet as apple pie with a caramel topping. Couldn't go out with him anymore because he took me some place that served chicken beak. Who the hell thought to themselves, maybe chicken beak would be a good meal? So yeah, dude had to go.

No, I am not kidding about that. Food is precious to me and trying something like chicken beak, well it just breaks all the rules. Don't judge me. After that ended, I went back to my comfortable solitude. I Netflixed and chilled by myself. Meaning I would watch Netflix and drink an iced tea.

One day I was talking to the bestie and he made a joke about any guy that I date needs to be OK with only seeing me for a few minutes a week. Frankly a few minutes is too much but I digress. It made me start thinking about marriage and stuff. My parents divorced when I was youngish. It was the best thing for the entire family. Before that though, I always told people that I would never get married. Me knowing that I am gay fueled that, but it's funny my mind hasn't changed much.

Friends have married and divorced and married and divorced. It's like a sick cycle with these people. I started observing married people, being a writer it's research and not creepy. Happily married people seem to touch more, whether it's holding hands or kissing in public or cuddling. Yuck. Sorry, to whomever I date in the future, I don't do anything like that. The most personal thing I put on Facebook are Britney Spears lyrics. Why would you think that I'm going to touch you in front of people? Guess again.

For a few years, there was someone pretty steady in my life. We never left the house, the only time he texted was when he wanted to come over. Then one day he ruined it all by getting the feels. How dare he! That situation was one of the best things I had going on; no commitment, no going on dates, and most importantly no pretending to be interested in sports or any of his interests. Some people thought it was a very unhealthy relationship to be have. You know what I say to those people? Don't judge me!

At the end of the day, I'm happy with my messy apartment. I love that I can curl up and binge watch Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt or How I Met Your Mother for the thousandth time, without someone whining that they want to watch something else. Of course, even as I write this, I know that there is a chance that some man is out there waiting to change my mind about things. And he just might be able to. If I can ever find my phone.... Don't Judge Me!

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