An Adult's Guide to Dating

I once read such a sentence on the Internet: "A person's spiritual world has three pillars: family affection, friendship and love. "

But of the three emotions, family and friendship are more likely to grow old, and only love is the most vulnerable.

Because in friendship and affection, we know how to cherish, only in love, we always ignore business and pay.

Psychologist Steinberg once proved that love can last a lifetime, but you need to know how to use a smarter way to manage.

Today we are going to look at 3 psychological perspectives to help you better manage a high-quality relationship.

In 1986, psychologist James Steinberg showed that love actually lasts a lifetime,

In his report, he analyzed love in this way: How do you feel about your intimate relationship?

He believes that in intimate relationships, the roommate's "subconscious orientation" means that what you define in your mind is how love will develop.

This is Murphy's Law.

In a relationship, you always worry about gains and losses, assuming the worst and not expecting the best, so the final result is bound to be unsatisfactory.

So don't always presuppose a bad outcome in your heart, such as breaking up when there is a quarrel, or feeling that the other person doesn't love you when there is a conflict.

Over time, what you think will influence what you say and do.

Trust in your relationship and focus on the conflict to make it better.

One of the most common misconceptions in relationships is that we tend to think that effort equals reward.

Even if you understand that there is no "fair" reason for love, you will unconsciously expect your efforts to be reciprocated.

There's nothing wrong with that, but once we emphasize it, our attitudes and behaviors change in a whole host of ways.

For example, in a quarrel, you will deliberately take your "pay" as a bargaining chip, unconsciously put yourself in the weak side, to carry out "emotional kidnapping", no matter what the other side has paid, you will subconsciously ignore in your heart.

This is known in psychology as "cognitive dissonance theory," which states that we unconsciously adjust our behavior when our attitudes and behaviors change.

While there is no "should" in a relationship, it is important not to focus on what you gain or lose in a relationship because it can lead you into a tiring relationship.

Skinner, a psychologist, had done a psychological study on gamblers, which showed that:

Gambling is addictive because people take chances.

We prefer the sense of accomplishment that comes from uncertainty to a long-established mystery, so we crave it.

This is called the "random return effect" in psychology, so in a relationship, don't consider your partner your whole life and don't give them everything they need.

For example, if you don't have your own career, friends, hobbies, etc., and you put all your affection on your partner, this kind of "heavy" love is depressing and boring.

So no matter how great they are and how much you love them, don't give up on your life and make them feel like you don't need them.

Make your partner look forward to you and your relationship will be better.

A high-quality relationship is never a natural match. It is the result of the two of you running in and fumbling with each other.

More importantly, learn to use smarter ways to manage your relationships, and relationships will be happier for longer. Have you learned?