Accepting Being Unfriended

Everyone has a best friend. Either you grew up together, worked together, or met somewhere in a bar or online... I haven't met anyone yet who has never had a best or close friend.

I'm gonna change some names around in this story because I would rather not give out personal identities. When I was in Kindergarten and lived in Florida I met this girl lets just say her name was Alyssa. Alyssa and I didn't start off as friends at first... she bullied me. She used to take the toy blocks when I wanted to play with them. She called me names and laughed at me but I kept going over and trying to play with her.

One day my mom and I were walking to the mailbox. I happened to see her and her mother outside. Come to find out she lived two houses down from me. I ran happily down the sidewalk yelling, "Heeeey!!!!" and that was pretty much the start of our friendship.

I went over to her house almost every day. We would play barbies together, board games, play house, cowgirls, you name it we did it. We would have sleepovers at each others houses and her parents always treated me like I was their own. I loved going over and spending time with Alyssa. It was me and her for awhile... then this other girl Brandy came into the picture. She lived quite a ways down the street... I didn't like her because she had an attitude.

Alyssa and Brandy started to become closer than Alyssa and I were... I started getting jealous, but then they started to include me in things they were doing so then it wasn't so bad...

When we got a bit older and started middle school that's when I started having serious problems. I hit puberty early so my leg hair and arm hair started growing in dark and long. I got teased and bullied almost every day... I dreaded going to the bus stop. Alyssa used to stick up for me sometimes but she didn't ride the bus that often, her mother took her to school a lot.

If I wasn't getting bullied on the bus I got bullied at school. Every day was the same old thing but Alyssa always used to still spend time with me. We were best friends after all... She still sat with me during lunch and included me in with her friends. We went through a "punk rock" phase together where we would listen to Good Charlotte, Sex Pistols, The Clash, Simple Plan. She ended up moving out of my neighborhood to one that was a few minutes away from where I lived. We ended up moving too but moved to the same town she did.

We still had sleepovers even when they moved into their new place. We'd talk about boys and who we liked at school. Brandy still played a part in hanging out with us from time to time. I knew she didn't like me much, she just "tolerated" me... Well something happened, I ended up changing schools when we moved and Alyssa started to like this boy that was a "bad influence" and her dad didn't like her hanging out with him because he was a trouble-maker. Here's where the story takes a turn....

Alyssa would use me as a cover up, to see this guy her dad didn't want her seeing. She would tell her parents her and I were going to the mall where we'd usually hang out on weekends. In reality the only reason she wanted me to come along was so she could sneak around and spend time with this guy she was "dating" behind her parents backs. Of course, being a good "friend" I never dared say anything to anyone I just went along with it plus he had a cute friend I liked too that used to tag along.

This wasn't the first time Alyssa had done this to me either. She used to use me as a cover up a lot with previous guys she had dated. She would drag me along during their dates to the movies so she could suck face with her "boyfriend" without her parents knowing and I never had a date with me so.... I got stuck alone.

Well, anyway, her dad eventually ended up finding out what she'd been up to. Her dad was a cop so he had someone at his job spying on us at night after we had left the mall. She got grounded of course, but that never stopped her from acting out after she got un-grounded. Of course, we were teenagers so we did stuff we weren't supposed to do like all teenagers do.

Now that I read this... what I'm typing and looking back. Alyssa never supported me like she should have it was always about her. My parents went through it, my dad left my mom for reasons I will mention in another article I'm sure and she never once asked if I was okay. My mom, brother and I ended up moving out of that neighborhood near her and moved to a different one that was 20-30 mins away tops. I had to change schools again... that's when Alyssa and I kind of drifted apart from each other.

I did badly at my new school and ended up dropping out my junior year of high school. I moved to Maine with my mom and brother and while Alyssa and I kept in contact on Facebook it wasn't the same. We ended up getting into a heated argument because at the time I was having guy problems and went to her for advice. I can't even remember what was said I just remember she had told me I was making a mistake leaving my ex for another guy and that I should give him another chance. I was so mad at her for calling me a no-life. I was struggling to get my GED plus having issues at home and she basically put me down. She got pregnant at the time, she was 18 had just moved in with her boyfriend and was planning on going to college.

So, I went off on her like she did me. Told her she made a mistake stopping her birth control and getting pregnant so early... I was just angry words were flowing out of my fingers like wildfire. A lot of the things I can't even remember what I said... well, 10 years later I tried reaching out to her again through Facebook. I had apologized for what I said, basically that I was sorry for being a bitch etc. and I got a message back from her telling me she didn't know who I was anymore and that what I had said in the past stuck with her.

Yes, I know what I said back then I shouldn't have said. I had told her I missed her and hoped things were going well for her and she wrote me off just like that. Her childhood "best friend." I was hurt... for a while. Do I regret what I did? Yes. And I wish I could take it back... but looking back on our "friendship" I don't really think our friendship went both ways.

So if someone you were "friends" with writes you off, even if you were friends during your childhood... don't feel bad. Doors open and close every day for us. Alyssa was just a door that needed to be closed. Sorry for the rambling but I learned a good lesson from that friendship. Don't always trust that everyone is your "friend". They could just be using you for their own personal gain. Like Alyssa did to me.