a series of journal entries

july tenth:

Day two with some of the greatest family members that I could ask for, without them I don’t know what I would do. Been feeling so beyond alone lately, that this trip couldn’t have come soon enough. Perfect timing. Just being around the family feels so great. Just relaxing and no planning going on, when you have no one else, whoever might be your “family” is always there when you need them. If someone really cares about you they will be there no matter what is going on.

Sometimes it just gets me thinking… the things that I would do for my family if it all came down to it. Man oh man I would take a bullet for them, if I had to. But then we have those friends that so damn close to family but not exactly blood, some of my friends have been so close to be for a while but shit hasn’t been feeling right. I do anything for them, jump in front of a train for them, jumping through all these hoops for them and I know friendship isn’t like asking for things in return but sometimes when you’re the only when giving effort now and you feel like they don’t see you as good enough anymore… what do you do then? So damn close to my family members but not sure if this is a phase or an official change to move on and find new friends like they have… what does one do?

Let’s rewind back, a bunch of shit happened a couple years ago and then again maybe like a year ago and I’ve looked past a lot of it and just brush it off my shoulders and everything but… is this a sign or not quite yet? I am the last person, if anyone knows me to welcome change, it’s hard for me to do but I’ve been doing a lot of growing up lately and trying to be a bigger person than I was but damn it is hard. Moving on from things that once felt so normal and routine to unfamiliar and strange is hard.

"Stop chasing the wrong one, the right one won’t run."

Side note for all the girls out there

Most of the time he isn’t even worth it if you lose close friends over it.

July thirteenth:

I think i might be getting over you…finally…maybe

Well I don’t think about you as much as I used to

Maybe I do

I don’t know

How does one get over shit like this

Why is a healing process so long?

How can something take so long when people keep saying to me the relationship didn’t mean that much?

But it meant something to me…

Does that mean anything?

3 years could be a big deal and just as much as a connection as 3 months was…

Sorry BUT

you never know what someone is going through unless you ask them how they felt or completely experience what they went through too..

Everyone (myself too) so quick to judge someone

Which sucks because none of us have any room to judge unless we completely understand.

Back to what this rant was for…

How does one get over something that meant so much to them?

In need of answers because not everyone sticks around forever or when you need them the most…

Why are we all so good at giving advise to other people but are all terrible at taking it?

Going from knowing exactly what you are doing to not knowing anything about you at all

Knowing everything about you to barely knowing you at all

Growing up and change, is that what this is…

I hate it

Makes me feel so untouched with everything in my life

Thank God, I have my family because if not, I would be completely lost in my life