A Peaceful Life with my ex-husband: how did I get here?

It was March 17th, last year, when my husband Ricardo came to our bedroom to tell me these words: “I don’t love you anymore, and I want the divorce.” I remember myself thinking — “Ops! What is he talking? Oh fuck!”. So my brain did it all in two seconds to put some words in my mouth, so I asked him, “Umm, Why?” — painful but a needed question.

I wasn’t expecting it, but at the same time, he and I knew something was wrong in our marriage. After eleven years, our love history came to an end. I sincerely do not recommend divorce as a tool to improve yourself, but when the love of your life asks you for divorce, followed by a pandemic, it teaches you a lot, baby.

After almost two years that I have cried an equivalent of two oceans and a dead sea, I have to say I wouldn’t change anything that happened last seventeen months in my life, even if I could. It has already changed me deeply inside, for the better.

Between being like a zombie for the first months of divorce and a great mood in January, I could set up the new myself to move forward with my life. During this time, I moved to a rented studio apartment near the house we bought seven years ago when we came from Brazil with two dogs to live here.

A Pandemic right after the divorce.

Ricardo kept the house almost the same since we divorced. Our two nine-year-old dogs Eugenio and Magali, who came from Brazil with us, passed away in 2019. Great year, right? Despite the differences we have, Ricardo and I took the most crucial decision of our divorce after a calm and honest conversation about it, so we made a deal to have just a divorce, not a war, and It works well.

That was a good move considering I was suffering enough with no need for fights and severe discussions with an ex-husband. I was spending a fall and a winter listening to every song type, “you broke my heart, bitch!”. I was ready to be the phoenix coming from the ashes when we learned about the pandemic.

Since I got the news, I decided to come back to my house even with it comes to an ex-husband.

There was and still uncertain what could happen to my job and my salary. Come back to my house at that time sounded like the right decision to make. In April, I moved back. Ricardo already works from home, and I did the same. So, I was again in front of who broke my heart and was the reason for my crying.

Our first weeks of living together after the divorce was a little odd but peaceful. Some people couldn’t understand how two guys could live in peace right after their divorce. Even the lawyer we hired sent at least three emails to confirm if we were sure about the amicable divorce, with no material disputes.

After eight months in quarantine, staying together all day, every day in the same place, it looks like we are happy and comfortable with our current relationship as friends. I’m very thankful we haven’t any drama scene or something like it during the process. Look, by that, I’m not at all saying It was easy, but it was our choice, and we made it worked for us.

For sure, our relationship is much better now than before. We are still doing the same things (sex is not one of them) we used to do together when we’re married, like cleaning the house, watching TV, cooking, and taking care of the dogs he adopted recently.

The transformation that happened in ourselves does not take place in a week.

It needs time to change habits and toughs. But all this situation made me a better person for myself and those around me. I do not get angry so quickly as before because I see it wouldn’t help. I keep my mind calm, so it’s easier to bring solutions to the problems and not more problems. I’m not even close to saying that it was easy for us, but it is possible and much better for both.