A man, Detached
Finding the extraordinary in the mundane has become the skill he values most. His initial journey was one set on fulfillment and seeking to obtain more, but just like most things, it evolved and grew into more. It now became a journey of spiritualization once believed to be unobtainable through contemporary means. With each passing day, the distance expands between him and the collective conscience. The collective conscience in this case is society and its structures. These same structures, which used to appear as boundaries for safety, now appear as bars for imprisonment.
Right now, I’m trying to write this in the third person, and it feels too damn weird. Uncomfortable. Let me go with what makes sense right now while I try to navigate the flood of thoughts I currently have. Last night, I deeply meditated for the first time, and it felt otherworldly. I did not feel physically present, but I did feel spiritually grounded. I was unplugged, but I was not adrift. It felt like I was able to take a bird’s eye view of all that I have going on at this time. Seeing the development from afar. I focused on my present environment to facilitate this meditation and help me slip into another state of mindfulness. The sound of the fan above me, the feeling of the air against my face, the way my hair draped along my shoulders, resisting the urge to open my eyes. All of this felt on the most intense of levels. In this deep meditation, consciously, I focused on the environment around me, but I could also see what the subconscious was combing over, simultaneously. Still feel my hair on my body, all the while seeing the journey that lies ahead. It felt as if I were in two places at once. A split view of what I see in front of me, but also seeing from above, seeing what lies around me, behind and beyond me. I’m unsure if that was the intended purpose, but it’s what I most clearly comprehended from this exchange. In that meditative state, I felt like I stepped into a space outside of time, and observed my relationships, growth, priorities, and my place in the world. I woke up with a clearer mindset than what I initially began with. To wake up and feel instantly more powerful is a feeling unrivaled at this point.
I have not experienced the joys of parenting so I can’t say it surpasses that one, but I have come across various other feats and I sit here today reiterating that the sensation I felt post meditation sits atop the throne.
I read some of my older writings and could sense an occurring theme through all the pieces. The desire to become more. To grow. To ascend beyond what I once believed carried great value. That has been my underlying tone for as long as I’ve been writing, and I do believe the time has come when I can now see the changes I’ve yearned for. My daily thoughts and the way I speak begin to display more of that transformation. I’ve abandoned the incessant need to worry about tomorrow. I don’t weep for the past. I simply embrace what is. Whether it’s the feeling of my finger on these very keys, or it’s the vibration of the bass in my ears from my headphones, leaning into my senses and allowing them to perceive the world brings about more understanding than what I could have ever imagined.
Today, I feel an urge to continue my departure from this reality. I feel a responsibility to share my light with as many who desire to receive it as possible. To light a candle in a dark room, even if only providing a dim glow, begins the process of illumination that leads to so much more. That lighting took place for me many moons ago. To see what it has evolved into this day is astonishing. I’m able to walk about this life knowing that I’m getting closer to my true meaning. Never has so many things begun to make as much sense as it does now. To truly feel the way music carries me, or the way I can feel the shift in weather, or how I can sense negativity all around, yet it does not seep into me, these are things that I am grateful for and don’t believe I would’ve been able to cherish a year ago.
Speaking something into existence was a step I took a year ago. Telling myself that it will be mine, that it will arrive, that I will be in that moment felt like a technique to force myself to hope it into existence. Now, I believe that what I desire has already been granted to me. I see myself in this desire because it has already happened. Either in this life or another, what I desire has already been mine and I’m simply claiming it in this life. I do not simply wish to possess trivial things that denote status or wealth. But the focus is on things that have an inexplicable appeal to my soul. Far beyond reasons I don’t quite yet comprehend, I know it is something of significance. Does that sound too complex or wacky? Think about it in this sense, we often urge our closest peers to trust their gut and pay attention to their intuition. What I just referenced above is a heightened version of that same gut feeling, that intuition. Where do you think the intuition originates from? If we call it a “gut feeling” then that would lead me to believe that it is much closer to the soul than it is to the mind. Intuition defies logic and ignores rationale, it goes based on instinct and is only concerned with protecting YOU. The mind has shown that it can be molded and manipulated so how can it operate on the same level of intuition? It’s almost like asking a program to have compassion. No matter how much you construct or destruct a program, it still takes something intangible to possess compassion. Getting the mind and the soul to work in unison will be no small task.
This journey brings a smile to my face. The amount of self-discovery and self-love that I’ve come across has been mesmerizing. To walk into a room and be told that my presence was felt is an ego boost like no other. It does not lead to arrogance, but one like a parent being told their child is a true joy. It’s a representation of the work you’ve put in being admired by others. I have a renewed joy in things that once felt arduous and mundane. I’ve been unable to write for quite a while, yet today, the words are flowing effortlessly and I’m sitting in my calm and just writing. I’m entering that state, where I can just type with my eyes closed, and I, know that it all makes sense once I go back to proof it. For me, that is the beginning of tapping into my zone of creation. I have chills now because it comes back to me in a rush, like riding a bike. If you are a creator, then you know exactly what I’m alluding to.
Welcome back my dear friend, I’ve missed you. Let’s continue making beautiful things together.
About the Creator
One soul. 2 personas. A constant battle wages to ensure both have their moment in the sun. Calculated and rational versus bold and brazen.
The pieces presented will illustrate them both, I'll let you determine which one you think it is.