5 Questions You Should Ask Yourself Before You Decide You've Found 'The One'

by Kathryn Ward 2 years ago in advice / marriage

They say "When you know, you know," but do you?

5 Questions You Should Ask Yourself Before You Decide You've Found 'The One'

On July 1st, 2017, I said "yes" to the love of my life when she proposed that we spend the rest of our lives together. And on July 7th, we celebrated our 8 month dating anniversary. I know what you're thinking... "That's too soon! You should get to know each other better before making such a life altering decision!" Believe me, we've heard it all. Let me assure you, however, that unlike some poorly thought out decisions I've made in the past, this is a decision I'm 110% sure about. There was no hesitation or doubt in my mind whatsoever. I already knew.

How did I know? Well, I'm a very practical person. And at 20 years old I already knew what I wanted in a potential wife. I had no desire to waste my time or hers, and I held to my theory that if you don't see the relationship going anywhere within a certain time frame, that you should break it off in hopes of at least gaining a lifelong friendship. So here's 5 questions I had already asked myself about our relationship before I decided that she was "the one" for me.

#1: Does She Listen?

I'm sure you've heard it before; communication is key. Regardless of where you go for relationship advice, the word "communication" is going to come up. But the thing about communicating successfully that you don't hear often enough, is that it's almost entirely about listening to the other person. Of course, in any discussion, you need to get your point across, but in order to actually do that, your partner must actively listen to what you are saying. When you speak, does your partner listen—without interruption—to every word and pay close attention in an honest effort to put herself in your shoes and see the situation from your point of view?

#2: Do you guys agree on the important things?

By "important" I mean anything from wanting kids by age 30 to which side the toilet paper should roll out on. I know, I know, you're thinking what toilet paper could possibly do with your relationship lasting. However, more often than you can imagine, relationships crumble from the buildup of the small things. Yes, you agree on the big issues: religion, kids, politics, etc. But could you live 20 plus years with someone who is constantly pushing your buttons? All those little pet peeves you have may not mean anything to them. Toothpaste all over the bathroom sink? The TV left on when they leave the house? Maybe you're OCD about how the bed gets made every morning, and they prefer not to make it at all. Believe it or not, these are legitimate things worth agreeing on. Which brings me to my next question.

#3: Are you and your partner capable of compromising?

In any healthy relationship, compromise is a very necessary end to any argument. This is a very simple question really. My fiancé and I are both extremely stubborn people, but we generally care more about the other's comfort than our own. This makes compromising fairly easy. If she really wants the Xbox controllers to go on the charger instead of carelessly thrown on our bed, I make that extra effort because she is worth it to me. She knows that one of my biggest pet peeves is when she throws trash outside instead of just waiting until we get home to throw it in the garbage. So we try to keep a trash bag in our car, and she chooses to use that. Compromise!

#4: Does she let you cry?

This question may be confusing for some people. For me, it makes perfect sense. I'm a very emotional person, but regardless of whether or not you are in touch with your feelings, you're going to cry. Everyone has those days where they break down over something crazy, like spilling a drink or forgetting the shampoo at the store. You aren't actually crying about the juice all over the floor. You just bottled up too much frustration and now it's all coming out at once. Does your partner look at you like you need a straitjacket? Or does she calmly mop the floor and pull you into a comforting embrace? Does she sit with you and play with your hair until you stop crying, and then make sure you're fully recovered before getting you that glass of juice you wanted? That's real love.

#5: Are you compatible in the bedroom?

I won't spend too much time on this one because it's definitely the most obvious! That being said, it is still extremely important. Physical attraction is definitely key when it comes to a long lasting relationship. You know what you like, and so do they. Are you both willing to satisfy those needs for each other?

There you have it! These were my 5 questions that ultimately led me to my beautiful soon-to-be wife. I hope they provide some insight and perspective for you and your own!

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