Humans logo

2 Years Of Marriage And Stronger Together Than Ever!

Lessons From My Time Married (So Far)

By Cody Dakota Wooten, C.B.C.Published 6 months ago 14 min read
2

2 years ago today, I was holding back tears as I watched my beautiful bride walk down the aisle.

She was breathtaking, with her dimpled smile, honeyed eyes, and the look of excitement for a moment that was years in the making.

Though we have been married for 2 years, we've actually been together for 9 years now.

They have been the best years of my life so far.

However, my spouse and I have noticed something strange over the years.

Our relationship looked VERY different from most others.

We often hear people complain about things we simply never have problems with.

We have watched other couples seemingly implode after years together.

It always confuses us to hear these other "horror" stories.

How could things get that bad?

Why would they fight about that?

I thought that was just a trope on sitcoms - do people really have those problems? (Apparently, they do!)

Yes, these are things my spouse and I have actually asked each other.

My spouse and I also just went to a wedding for a wonderful friend of ours that was absolutely beautiful.

May they be blessed for the many years to come.

In light of these wonderful events, I thought I would share some advice from our marriage.

These are things that I would pass on to our friend (and anyone else open to learning) for having a blossoming marriage that gets better year after year.

Learn To Love Past The Flaws

Here's reality folks.

We're all human.

It doesn't matter how impressive your significant other is - they are still human.

As such, we all have Flaws.

Sometimes they are minor, and sometimes they are glaring.

For me, I have a horrible memory!

I cannot for the life of me keep directions in my mind.

My spouse often tells me which way I need to go to get somewhere, and about 30 seconds later, I will say, "Wait, where are we going?"

Without fail, this happens on an almost daily basis.

More than once, I have gotten lost going somewhere I have been to a hundred times.

I know for a fact my wonderful spouse does not enjoy this about me.

For her, she sees how to get somewhere once, and it is etched in her memory forever.

It is painful at times for her to recount for the umpteenth time how to get to the same place.

(I am sorry, my Love!)

But she has learned to Love Past this aspect of me.

I think that something we often forget is that Love should see past the Flaws.

The Flaws exist, and they always will, but true Love can see past those Flaws.

If you can't accept the Flaws, then there is a real problem that you need to look at, as a couple.

My spouse and I have no problem speaking about our Flaws together, we both understand we are human, and so it is open for discussion.

We also understand that we talk about our Flaws, not to attack each other, but rather to understand each other better.

Understanding the Flaws that exist in each other allows us to see each other more clearly, and to be more honest with each other.

Our perceptions of each other become unclouded due to the openness of seeing and Loving Past the Flaws.

When we Love Past the Flaws, we Love each other's humanness, we Love each other entirely, and we can truly be ourselves because we don't have to hide our Flaws.

Work On Your Flaws

Just because you have Flaws and the other person Loves Past the Flaws does not mean you shouldn't work on yourself!

It isn't a "Free Pass".

None of what we do is set in stone completely.

We ALL have the power to work on bettering ourselves.

Refusing to work on yourself is a recipe for disaster.

In my honest opinion, if you refuse to even attempt to improve yourself, then you shouldn't even be in a relationship.

Relationships all require growth, and if you refuse to participate in growth, then I can tell you that the relationship will be filled with problems.

However, there is magic that happens when we work on improving ourselves.

We may not do it "well", and sometimes we may slip (trust me, I slip ALL the time!), but true and honest effort is rewarded.

We all see when others are doing their best to improve, and it is respectable when they do.

This is even more true in a relationship.

It builds trust and respect when your significant other sees you working on improving.

They already Love past the Flaws, but seeing the effort will fill them with Hope and Gratitude for your hard work.

These are invaluable in a relationship.

Fill In The Gaps

We all have things we are good at, and things we are terrible at.

I honestly am terrible at most things!

In all of our lives, there are Gaps.

In good relationships, look for those gaps and see how they can be filled.

In many cases, one person or the other in a relationship can fill many of the Gaps.

If you can fill a Gap, do it!

Your significant other will be extremely happy that you are taking a step up in Filling that Gap!

However, you may also find that both people in a relationship have the same Gap!

This can be ok but you must still look together to fill that gap.

This may mean you need outside help or outside resources.

If the Gap is important, the longer it remains, the more difficult it will make things.

So work together, and see what can be done to Fill that Gap!

We live in an amazing world where there are so many options and solutions to all forms of problems!

There is really no reason any major Gaps should exist for long periods of time.

Simply identify what the Gaps are together, and see what can be done about them.

Working on these Gaps also shows your significant other that you care about making the relationship stronger, and that is something we all want.

Go Beyond

Life is hard.

There will be times when it is "someone's job" to do something, and they don't seem to have the time or energy to get it done.

Whether it is the dishes, the trash, or getting food.

For my spouse and I, we usually trade these things off (because we both don't enjoy them).

But there are days when it "should" be the other person's turn, but Life has dealt a bad hand for one reason or another.

So, Go Beyond some days.

There have been days where I haven't been able to get even a quarter of the things done on my list, and my wonderful Spouse has stepped up to help me.

There have also been a number of days where I have seen my spouse struggling with the happenings of life, and I have stepped up to help her.

These moments where we step up for each other, Go Beyond what we are "supposed" to do, and simply do it out of Love becomes so meaningful.

A key and important aspect is not to "keep count" doing this.

There is no score when it comes to this.

There is only seeing the honest challenges of the person you Love and being a supportive partner.

You can also do little things to demonstrate this, such as getting the other person a treat here and there or offering to do something simply because you love them.

Going to the store for them, giving them a massage, or doing a chore you noticed has gone to the wayside.

The little efforts go a long way.

Understand What Actually Matters

My spouse and I will often hear stories about how this thing or that thing was causing a problem in other's relationships.

Often, our response is the same.

Why does that matter?

People get caught up in all of these little tiny things and hold them against others.

But does it actually matter?

Will it matter in a month?

Will it matter next week?

Will it even matter tomorrow?

If the dishes don't get done today, but they get done the next morning, will that matter?

(We've heard people have gigantic fights over this).

If plans need to change due to unforeseen circumstances, will that matter next month?

(We've heard of spouses pissed over this).

If you go to the wrong In-N-Out Burger and end up on the wrong side of the city because someone has no sense of geography and so dinner comes an hour late, will that matter at all in a week?

(This one was me about a month ago, sorry my Love!).

The reality is that most things that go "wrong" in Life rarely matter in the long term.

The more you fight about it, let it bother you, or "keep score" of these things, the worse the relationship will feel.

However, if we look past these things that don't matter, we may find all the amazing things that exist in the relationship.

Grow Together

I said that relationships all require growth.

However, one mistake I see many couples make is that they grow separately.

One may grow by themselves, or they both are growing but in completely opposite directions.

One day they find that they are in different spaces.

You can avoid this though by caring about how the other person grows.

My spouse and I talk often about the things we want to do, what we want to try out doing, and all the aspects of how we want to grow.

By doing this, we ensure that our growth is together, moving in the same direction.

This doesn't mean we are doing the same exact things.

My Spouse and I have some VERY different passions, and that is alright!

However, we know where the other wants to go, we support the other's growth, and we both ensure we are indeed growing!

I know for a fact that my spouse and I are NOT the same people we were when we met 9 years ago, and we are not the same people we were when we got married 2 years ago.

However, because we are growing together, it doesn't matter.

We are not afraid of change and growth because we always do it together!

We both love who we are becoming, and that is powerful in a world that is always going to change.

Our Growth is Mutual, our Flourishing is Mutual.

Understand What Is Good For The Other

My spouse often has trips that occur at the last minute, and we have to do unreasonable things to make them work.

Often, these trips will leave me alone for days at a time or interfere with plans we may have had.

I might not "Love" that these things happen inconveniently sometimes, but this is what I do know.

Often my Spouse is given an opportunity to grow because of these Trips.

Frequently she gets to see good friends and relatives because of where these Trips happen.

At the end of the day, these things are GREAT for my spouse!

On the other side of things, I LOVE doing Spartan Races.

For my spouse, these events are a pain.

We often have to go out of town, to really remote locations at unreasonable hours, and she has to sit and wait on my slow behind to finish some crazy ridiculous event.

The longest she waited (so far) was 11 hours, 7 minutes, and 18 seconds while I ran 50k and did 60+ obstacles.

Does she enjoy sitting there?

Absolutely not!

But she knows that I have an innate need to push myself to my limits.

She understands that I enjoy pushing harder.

Even though I'm going to be in pain, and complain about that pain (which she also doesn't enjoy, I'm sorry my Love!), she knows that I feel fulfilled doing these races.

Sometimes, we may not "love" something, but we can Love what is good for the other person.

It is a great thing when my Spouse has opportunities to grow and see the people that she loves!

I would never want to take that away from her, and I am always so happy when they pop up (even if they may be inconvenient in the moment).

Any inconvenience won't matter in the long run.

What is good for my Spouse is also good for me.

Understand Before Being Understood

Many problems that exist in the world only happen because of a misunderstanding.

In reality, we could avoid most conflicts (some would argue all conflicts) if we simply understood the other side.

If we take the time to really understand others, we usually find that they are not really very different from ourselves.

We all have similar needs, desires, fears, and pains.

These things often drive our behavior, though sometimes not in the ways we expect.

This is true in relationships as well.

What may "seem" like a bad thing, likely came from a good place.

Maybe what was done may not have been what "you" would have done, but the reason it occurred may be completely understandable.

Often that "why" is far more important than the "what".

If we understand the "why", we often can appreciate at least the thought of the "what", and we can work together to come up with a better "what" in the future.

For instance, my spouse loves certain treats and from time to time will ask me to get them for her.

In the past, I would often get the biggest/most of whatever treat that was.

My "why" was that I wanted to make sure that she felt as loved as possible, and that she knew that she would never be for "want".

However, I learned that she didn't love this, feeling it was too much, and sometimes a bit of a waste and hassle!

Now, she could be mad at me for getting too much of something she wanted only a little bit of, or I could be mad that she didn't "appreciate" the gift as much as she "should".

But these don't happen in our relationship because we've talked about "why" we did or felt these things.

Since we understand "why" we can grow together and better!

I know to get smaller amounts when she asks for something (most of the time, I'm still human!).

She also knows that if I get a little too much, she can still appreciate the gift tremendously and correct me a bit so next time we are closer to what we both want!

It's a win-win situation because we understand each other, and want to become better for each other.

Final Note

These are a few of the things that have allowed my spouse and I to thrive together for the past 2 years of marriage (and 9 years together!).

We of course have problems from time to time, but they rarely feel like they are problems.

These different things have allowed us to see that the "problems" aren't anything we need to worry about, and we continue to grow.

These also have allowed us to thrive where we see most people struggle.

Hopefully, this allows others to grow too.

However, before I sign off.

To my Love!

You are my Star of Hope.

When the darkness comes, you bring me back.

Thank you for all that you do for me.

For understanding the whackyness that is my life.

For supporting me on whatever crazy adventures I want to go on.

For always being there.

I hope to continue to support you in all of the amazing projects that you do.

To continue to help you spread the light that you bring to others.

To be with you through the hard parts of life.

And to always give you the Love that you deserve.

I thank The Lord Creator every single day that you are a part of my life, and I am excited for whatever the future holds!

I Love you times Infinity!

vintagepop culturemarriagelovelisthumanityhow tofeaturedatingadvice
2

About the Creator

Cody Dakota Wooten, C.B.C.

Creator of the Multi-Award-Winning Category "Legendary Leadership" | Faith, Family, Freedom, Future | The Legendary Leadership Coach, Digital Writer (450+ Articles), & Speaker

https://www.TheLeadership.Guide

[email protected]

Reader insights

Be the first to share your insights about this piece.

How does it work?

Add your insights

Comments (1)

Sign in to comment
  • Scott Christenson6 months ago

    Great writing as usual and I feel a lot of positive energy and commitment to your relationship. Always keep truly asking and listening, and making your partner feel important. I knew a guy who chose not to own a TV, and he believed that his wife also thought that was a great idea.(My wife told me she maintained a secret tv habit on her laptop when he wasn't around ! guess it could be a lot worse haha)

Find us on social media

Miscellaneous links

  • Explore
  • Contact
  • Privacy Policy
  • Terms of Use
  • Support

© 2024 Creatd, Inc. All Rights Reserved.