What's Your Number?

You've just started a new relationship or maybe you're waking up from an epic one night stand and BAM! Someone asks the dreaded question - What's your number?

In a split second, your mind tries to analyze the other person in order to come up with the "right" answer. Of course, this all depends on whether you're male or female. Sucks, right? Why can't we all just be honest without fear of being judged?

The Gender Double Standard

As a guy, you either answer honestly and get ripped apart by your friends for not being more of a stud and not nailing every woman that walks by. Or, you lie your ass off and pretend you're the ultimate Don Juan.

For women, it's trickier. We're taught that if you sleep with even one guy, you're a total slut. But, if you don't sleep around, you're a complete prude. Tell a guy you've been with more than a few guys and you risk him running away, thinking you're trashy. Tell him it's just one or two, and then he think he needs to be your teacher (as if he's really that experienced).

It's All About Ego

So, why are women sluts and men are heroes for their sexual conquests? It's all about ego. Guys always seem to want an experienced woman in bed, but she shouldn't sleep with anyone but him. That's because if she has been with other guys, he might not stack up.

Let's face it, a guys ego is often in his pants. Sure, there are some guys who are far more evolved, but insult their family jewels and it's a critical hit to the masculine ego. Of course, the same thing could be said for pointing out early wrinkles or gray hair on a woman.

Men's egos are fragile. They just want to be your absolute best sexual partner. Naturally, if you're hooking up at bars and nightclubs, alcohol plus knowing nothing about your partner isn't going to lead to a passionate night you'll always remember.

Sex Is Easy, Great Sex Takes Time

When I'm with a new partner, I do ask how many other partners they've had. This is for two reasons:

1. If they're overly active, they're just into one night stands and probably aren't that great in bed. They might know a few tricks, but sex is just about getting off and moving on to someone else.
2. I want to know how high the risk for an STD might be. And yes, I also ask if they're clean, but people lie.

See, having sex is easy. It doesn't matter whether you're male, female, non-binary, or anything else. It's easy. We all know the basics.

However, sex is just that - sex. It's okay. It scratches an itch. You might get a little sweaty.

But, great sex. That's a completely different story. And outside of that rare encounter, it's not happening your first time with someone. Great sex requires several components:

1. Trust and respect. I've never trusted anyone after just meeting them.
2. Good communication. If you can't talk about sex with your partner, you shouldn't be sleeping with them.
3. Putting your partner first. Take time to learn what your partner likes. They should be willing to do the same. Remember, it's not just all about you. Once you both put the other first, you'll learn how to press all the right buttons.

As I said, it takes time. So, to me, that's why a number is important. I want to know whether someone is taking the time to enjoy the process versus just getting laid. Sure, there's a place for that, but maybe I'm a little old fashioned in wanting more than a quickie that's just okay.

Don't Be Ashamed

Whether you sleep with someone new every day or you're still a virgin, don't be ashamed. And, if the double standard ever comes up for you, just play fair. The word slut isn't gender-specific.

I had a guy call me a slut simply because I refused to date him. I asked him how many women he'd been with. Of course, he vastly exaggerated. In front of all his friends, I told him women don't like sleeping with sluts and he should be ashamed of himself.

His friends couldn't stop laughing. Later on, he apologized and told me he'd actually only been with one woman. So, lesson learned, guys don't like being called out either.

So, no matter the gender, don't be ashamed of your number or how anyone judges you for it. No, I personally don't like being with someone with a super high number. But, that's my preference and I'm not judging someone for their choices. Instead of name calling, just be honest with each other, respect choices, and make your own choice as a result.

So, what's your number? And, does your partner's number matter?