In 2005, Jaleel looked so damn fine, it blew my mind.

I am a beauty from the inside out, back in 2005 I had just got my new apartment, it was my very first apartment, and I had to adjust to my only form of transportation at the time, which was and still is the metro public transit bus. Jaleel was my bus trainer back in 05, and I felt like it was love at first sight, cupid hit my ass hard as fuck. I had a crush on him for a little over a decade. we mingled and fooled around on and off. There were times when I did not have fellowship with him for months at a time, he would stick around for a while, then dip for a minute, no texts no calls no sight of him nothing at all no contact whatsoever, he used to get pissed off because I had attempted to contact him. It really upset me very often. He pushed me away and pissed me off, I was seeing red. Recently he said it was alright to contact him whenever, after the way he acted back in the day toward me I thought he recently was lying to me when he had called me when I was waiting on my roommate in the car while she was shopping at mt. Washington Krogers. At the time I had cared less about whether I heard from him or Nah. I still feel that way right now, he just got out on parole for killing someone in an armed aggravated robbery gone bad. Ever since he got out of the joint, and while he was locked up I literally completely lost all interest in Jaleel. I do not think that spark will ever return. There is nothing he could do or say to cause me to feel interested let alone trust him. I have been felled out of love with this young dude, and to be honest, he never has or will feel the way I felt about him nor will he desire me like I strongly desired him in the past. I feel like no love lost no love found. I am beginning to feel like all men are gay, and I will never get satisfaction or my desired gratification from any single solitary man on the face of this earth. I am screaming persistently consistently I do NOT need a man, do not want a man. I am horny as hell frequently, I am too proud to masturbate for the longest now, I am so burnt out on trying to be with a man, I am just so damn done. I swear nothing surprises me anymore. Anymore I cannot help but be cynical as fuck, and expect the worst while hoping to reap the best. I am fed up as hell I swear to God on everything I love damn it! It has been a couple of years since I had seen my new love Pone. It was love at first sight, I just chilled with him a few days ago at the park, I had seen him at government square while I was waiting for the metro bus route 24. He got on the route with me, we went to the park and rolled a couple of big blunts, and we did the puff puff pass routine. We went to the park in mt Washington behind the pony keg. We had an amazing time. We stopped by the house to do a bit of long-overdue time hanky panky, backshots, all in my ocean, popping that thing hard and deep. I haven't been touched in a long time. I sure cannot complain at this time, big daddy put Lil kitty to sleep. Meow.