Forget Chocolate and Roses, I Want Dirty Talk

Now that the hallmark holiday and sugar-coated version of love is over, it's time to talk about the real guilty pleasure that consumes our quarantine cravings.

As the chocolate-induced sugar high wears off, we're left full but still not satisfied. But right now, more than ever, we're all in need of a little more pleasure.

If you read my 2020 playlist article about soothing chaotic times with basic vibes, then you’re already aware, I'm no music buff. So instead of love jams, my anti-valentines playlist harmonizes the vocals of honest, raw, and real sex talk.

A playlist of podcasts that tap into the sensual and sometimes erotic side of love. Because, we hear a lot about self-care and self-love, but not enough about self-pleasure.

And as indulgent as chocolate is, it won't get you screaming in climatic pleasure.

If it has, let me know, I want what you're having.

Hit it and quit it

If you’re like me, talking about sex has always been taboo. Taught to tread lightly and kept behind the bedroom door.

I always thought I was missing something. Everyone talked about the great sex they were having. To me, it was ok. Never mind-blowing. But I played along, deep down thinking something was wrong with me.

Never wanting to talk about it, my mindset became:

Do it because you're supposed to, not because you enjoy it.

Get it over with and please your partner.

After stumbling through the sloppy sexcapades of my 20's, I came to learn when you communicate and connect to yourself and your partner, sex is mind-blowing.

The hit it and quit it, is amateur, though, I won't deny still super hot sometimes.

Am I normal?

You may remember the awkward sex-ed video where preteens question their changing bodies as puberty rears its ugly head.

But I can't recall a conversation about the real virtues of love and sex.

Like consent, pleasure, intimacy, or connection. Instead, we were left to our own devices to discover the world charged by our rapidly changing hormones.

Most of us were clueless and had to learn from Hollywood movies and porn to navigate us through our early sexual encounters.

Where a depiction of sex is portrayed in a 30-second scene, edited with perfect lighting, angles, and multiple outtakes. And women are turned on by a simple touch and guaranteed to orgasm every time, if not multiple.

Subconsciously teaching us that women pleasure our partner by enjoying it, even if we aren't. And for men, that women can rise to the occasion as easily as they can.

Glorified as sex objects, women are then slut-shamed by society or by religious and cultural beliefs. Taught to be good little girls and never how to be empowered sexual beings.

Mindful masturbation

The picture-perfect image of sex and love the media exploits is false. A steamy love scene or raunchy porn may spark a fire in us, but sex in real life is more complicated and, well, messy.

It's not a perfect sequence of events and climaxing at the same time. Sex is awkward and uncomfortable, no matter how experienced you are. It could be your first time or your hundredth. You could be flying solo, with a new partner, or trying to bring passion back to a long-term relationship. Sex doesn't always come as easy to us as we all would like.

But with our prude upbringing and a men-come-first mentality, the topic of sex is one we don't talk about as much as we should. Considered vulgar and shameful, we passively accept a mediocre sex life.

But with podcasts like Sex with Emily, the controversial conservation of sex is ripped out from under the covers and exposed in all its rawness

It makes it ok to talk about what makes us feel good, inviting the open discovery into our bodies, and what turns us on. A positive exploration of kinks and fetishes, without judgment or shame. And creates a space for open dialogue about what we want out of our sex-lives, first with ourselves and then our partners.

Yes, no, maybe

Sex is the most vulnerable act we can perform. Not only is it opening our legs but exposing our hearts, our fears, and our deepest insecurities.

But how can we be vulnerable if we're never given the information or acceptance to explore those feelings?

The same Hollywood that preys on our insecurities now finds itself in the center of controversy with matters of the heart. Stories like Armie Hammer and Marilyn Mason show us the complicated dark and twisted relationships of sex and love. And address the fine line of when consent becomes questionable.

Between mixed messages and the attempt to subdue the topic of sex, everyone is confused about what an act of love is.

Can someone love you and physically hurt you? Are we simply, asking for it?

A playlist to teach us how to get in the mood

Opening up your sexual prowess means getting past your sexual roadblocks. What our education system, whatever that was, failed to teach us was how to understand our desires and allow ourselves to experience pleasure.

Sex goes beyond our reproductive organs. Our hearts and minds control our bodies. When you struggle with insecurities, stress, anxiety, media influence, trauma, shame, or health issues, it's hard to find any space left for real intimacy.

If you're stumbling to reach your maximum pleasure point, let this be a playlist to help give us the education we should have had.

And know you're not alone, and there's nothing wrong with you.