The Long Con

Evening arrived on the backs of the dwarves. Those bloody dodgers came out, singing, bringing the party. Hadn't bathed in days, but they came prepared. They traveled on foot, the seven of them, carrying pickaxes, hammers, head lamps, and climbing rope. The two at the rear carried more boom sticks than anyone had dared to bring within three clips of the Queen in a stone's age. The middling two wheeled a vat of snowy white hooch they called mineshine.

The dark web, operated by Charlotte and her gang, plotted the long con, tapping out instructions to their inside man, ahem, woman. Told her to expect to be called "Ho" a lot, but to get over it. If she played her cards right, she'd be swimming in luxury by the end of the season. The dwarves, see, they were on a mission from God.

Cindy had it all. Golden looks, singing, dancing, patience. She'd already earned quite the rep. Art theft. She'd gotten cozy with Vincent, a star-gazing knight of the realm, who couldn't tell his Manet from his Monet. From there, the world was her oyster, complete with Girl with a Pearl Earring.

"Coming, Stepmother." Cindy acquiesced.

"As you wish, Stepsisters." She smiled through her disgust.

"Course, I can chop more wood." Whatever it took. She was a player.

Oh, she was brilliant. Had the locals eating out of her hands. The birds were industrious, but the real hookup came from foxes, squirrel, and deer. Simply put, they knew people. Not like they knew his name. But they all called him "Mr. Bean." He sold a few -- pumpkin spice coach with exploder ring add-on -- to Fairy Godmother for a cow, and some muscle relaxers for his nutter sciatica, and the rest was cake. Wedding cake.

Cindy crushed in Sleeping Beauty's wedding gown. "It's not like she was going to use it," the princess said whilst slipping off her glass Jimmy Choos.

As for the prince, he slept in a van, down by the river, happily ever after.

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Copyright © 04/06/2024 by Christy Munson. All rights reserved.

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This microfiction was created for L.C. Schäfer's Fucked Up Fairytales - An Unofficial Challenge. Word count: 366.

This fun little mix up features players from the following fairytales:

• Snow White and the Seven Dwarves

• Cinderella

• Charlotte's Web

• Jack and the Beanstalk

• Sleeping Beauty

Can you spot the other Easter eggs? If so, mention them in Comments!

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