satire
Food industry and celebrity satire presented by Feast.
Why I NEEDED to Spend $3,000 on this Dolce Gabbana Kitchen Set
When I was a kid and balked at eating lima beans, which have been mysteriously misclassified as ‘food’, my Mother would say, “There are kids starving in Africa (Chile, China, California) who would love to eat those lima beans!”
Diane RandlePublished 3 years ago in Feast
Marvin Makes A Sandwich
One July happened to contain a Tuesday afternoon that was indeed remarkable only for its unremarkability. But as is all too often proved, dullness can be more offensive than any incident of a chaotic nature. As with dullness, order and subjugation are the unnatural order of the day.
Josie HeaneyPublished 4 years ago in Feast
Burger Season 2019
Burger Season has come and gone once again, the Sun has found its peak revelation in the longest day, the burns of our endeavors are healing in the salve of our victories and the League drifts leaderless upon an endless empty sea of adventure! I have nothing left to say except to officially relinquish the commissionerhood with a final reading from the book of Burgelations chapter 1 verses 1 through 25.
Charles UtterPublished 4 years ago in Feast
Confusion About Confection
Think about it. Just, really think about it for a moment. Yes, I am asking you to put forth cognitive consideration on the confectionary topic of what can be definitively summarized by the word pairing "fruit spread."
Kelsey PaulinaPublished 4 years ago in Feast
A Love Letter to Coffee
Dear Coffee, You are my one true love. You make everything in my life easier. You are the main reason I get out of bed most mornings. The idea that I get to have you at work makes my entire day. You are my motivation: You keep me awake and keep pushing me to move forward. Without you, I would be falling asleep at my desk. Honestly, without you, I probably wouldn't even still have a job. But you're not just there for me in the mornings. You're there during meetings to give me something to sip on. You're there when I'm meeting up with someone. You give me something to hold onto when I'm feeling awkward. You make hangovers almost bearable. And at two in the morning, when my kid won't go to sleep or I have a big test to study for, you are always there to help me out. You never let me down.
Michelle SchultzPublished 5 years ago in Feast
Mac and Cheese
Listen up, everyone. This is a matter very near and dear to my heart. Macaroni and Cheese, commonly referred to as Mac and Cheese, is something I am passionate about.
Ivela LeasePublished 5 years ago in Feast
My Love Affair with Sugar
When I was a child... right up until I was in my early forties.. I could eat anything that I wanted and I didn't gain weight. I was so skinny when I was 10 that my mother decided to supplement my diet, or lack of diet, with an interesting concoction called beef, liver, and wine. A spoonful a day was supposed to increase one's appetite. Unfortunately, it had the reverse effect on me. It basically made me spew out what little food I had in my stomach to begin with.
Linda PaulPublished 5 years ago in Feast
Coffee vs Alcohol?
I’ve been constantly thinking about which would I rather give up? It’s really not a very difficult or thought-provoking question for most people, but let’s kill some of our day and take a look at both sides.
Luke MarkhamPublished 5 years ago in Feast
I Can't Stop Thinking About You at 2 AM
What's the point of sleeping if all I'm going to do is think about you? I lay in my bed and think about all of the things that could have been, but weren't. The memories of us replay over and over in my head, pushing out thoughts of anything else. When I try to get away from you because I know it's best for me, you keep showing up everywhere. My friends still love you, and my parents keep asking about you. I can't go on social media for one day without seeing something about you, and it's like there is no escape. Everyone tells me that "It's OK to get back together once in a while," but I can't handle the constant hello's and goodbyes. When I crawl back to you thinking that I'm strong enough not to become attached again, it's even more difficult to step back, and it tears my heart apart.
isabella !Published 5 years ago in Feast
What Your Meal Deal Says About You
Nothing brings the UK together quite like a Meal Deal (except, maybe, aggressively tweeting about Love Island, or the creeping unease of Michael Gove.) We're Meal Deal mad. Meal Deal, Meal Deal, Meal Deal. You love a Meal Deal, I love a Meal Deal. What's for lunch, mate? A Meal Deal? Class.
How to Summon a Vanilla Cake
In order to summon your very own vanilla cake, you will need a few supplies first. Some people might call these supplies “sacrifices” or something similarly silly, but these supplies are definitely not sacrifices.
Jordan MattmillerPublished 5 years ago in Feast
The Pantry Wars
There is a feud that few people know of. Between the clans of Rutaceae and Anthocarp. Within the clan of Rutaceae the Citrus sinensis family, the Orange family strongly dictate the feudal fights and are the forerunners of the fight. Whereas within the clan of Anthocarp, the Musa family, the Banana family, the proud, and astute leading name of the lower fruit shelves. However, there has been a feud between the two since the last time the pantry was restocked. The Oranges and the Bananas were once neighbors. However, because of their close proximity, the bruisers, and the ninjas would fight incessantly. The sheer number of Oranges forced the Bananas to a lower shelf, and thus claiming superior rule upon the pantry and its contents. The Banana family bruised, and beaten have taken the upper hand in the fighting; singling them out and peeling them one by one. Getting under their skin, and striking fear in their cores. Recently with the death of Lord Sheldon the Swift, the Bananas have been calling for all-out war. Rallying their clan and many food groups to their cause, likewise, the Oranges have called upon their allies for support. The battle for the Shelves has ended, the battle for the Pantry begins.
Christopher GrenchikPublished 5 years ago in Feast
