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Kraft Dinner Always

by Call Me Les 2 months ago in pop culture · updated 2 months ago
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;P Even if I qualified for CAMP boxes, you'd still be my one and only.

Author's current personal supply.

It was just another boring hump day, until...I logged into Vocal and checked for new contests. To my utter surprise, I was greeted by this:

VOCAL HAS A CONTEST ABOUT MAC N' CHEESE....

Omg, we get boxes simply for entering?! Heck, I can't cook well enough to win a dang prize, but if it's one thing Canadians know it's good mac n' cheese. I'll write about popsicles. Why not. Just to get the boxes.

Oh wait.... US residents only. Sigh.

I glance over to my pantry. The KD boxes mock me.

"Mwuahaha, did you really think you could replace us, silly human??"

I sigh again.

"You're right. No one could replace your fluorescent orange goodness. Forgive me, dear one."

*

Canadians and Kraft Dinner are symbiotic. Over the years, my foreign friends have asked me, why?? Followed by the inevitable...can ya smuggle me a box? Shhh....

I can't really explain it, honestly. But it's unique. More than that it's cheap. You can even buy it by the case:

It's also filling, salty, and hella tasty. And, I mean, you can dress it up SO many ways:

  • tuna
  • hotdogs
  • mixed veg

You can have it white or neon. (Neon preferrable). With special shapes, or the traditional straight and thin noodles. And who amongst true patriots hasn't asked someone at brunch the morning after,

"How do you take your KD? Creamy or on the soupy side?"

Anyone who insists only creamy doesn't know what they are talking about.

It's iconic. Right up there with the double-double and a honey crueller, ketchup chips, Nanaimo bars, poutine, buttertarts, bannock, beavertails (it's a dessert, folks), maple syrup, fiddleheads, Kinder Eggs and moose-meat stew.

It's made it into song, and we all know the lyrics:

"If I had a million dollars

(We wouldn’t have to walk to the store)

If I had a million dollars

(We’d take a Limousine ’cause it costs more)

If I had a million dollars

(We wouldn’t have to eat Kraft dinner)

[Post-Chorus 2]

But we would eat Kraft dinner

(Of course we would, we’d just eat more)

And buy really expensive ketchups with it

(That’s right, all the fanciest - Dijon ketchups)"

- Barenaked Ladies, "If I Had a Million Dollars"

Once, I tried explaining the fantastical amazingness of KD to my co-founder, James U. Rizzi, and he didn't believe me it was unique 'til I sent the photo. So, here it is:

*

Even my cats are spellbound by the delicious, tangy-aroma of boxed, powdered chez.

To be honest, CAMP sounds like it might be more nutritious and better for the planet. But like...hmmm, can you really sway me from my true patriot love? I dunno. And clearly, there is no hope of an attempted coup since the boxes are beyond my grasp.

The KD snickers from the kitchen,

"Don't be a fool!"

I take a step towards the boxes. Before I know it, I'm digging out the butter, milk and pot. Then I'm boiling up a fury, and stirring continuously because we all know that whether it's KD or not, it'll turn to a gucky, baked on mess if you don't. (Seriously, who needs superglue when you can use pasta stuck to the bottom of a pot?)

Then it's time to dump in the neon powder of joy. Add your milk and butter, by the heap (if you're gonna eat KD, don't skimp on the calories). Sit down on your chesterfield and squeeze on your Ketchup.

Don't forget to support Canadians by using French's instead of...that other brand.

And enjoy.

About the Author:

Les lives a quiet life in Canada with her three rescue cats. She primarily writes children's and teen fiction but will delve into anything that gets the swirling words out of her brain. Her first book, Owl in a Towel, is available for purchase here. Publishing inquiries may be directed to [email protected]

pop culture

About the author

Call Me Les

She/her | Cat enthusiast | "Word-Nerd" | Fueled by buttertarts

  • Co-Founding admin at Vocal Social Society & Great Incantations
  • Co-Founder of the Vocal Creators Chronicle
  • Vocal Spotlight
  • Book: Owl in a Towel

~&~

No words left unspoken.

Reader insights

Outstanding

Excellent work. Looking forward to reading more!

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  1. On-point and relevant

    Writing reflected the title & theme

  2. Easy to read and follow

    Well-structured & engaging content

  3. Excellent storytelling

    Original narrative & well developed characters

  1. Compelling and original writing

    Creative use of language & vocab

  2. Heartfelt and relatable

    The story invoked strong personal emotions

  3. Eye opening

    Niche topic & fresh perspectives

  4. Masterful proofreading

    Zero grammar & spelling mistakes

  5. Expert insights and opinions

    Arguments were carefully researched and presented

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Comments (20)

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  • The Dani Writer2 months ago

    A fantastical and enjoyable read! Well earned top story! In all honesty, we'd prolly battle over mac 'n' cheese recipe superiority, but you tell your story with the coolness...and I concur...your cats are adorable!

  • Awww your cats are soooo adorable!

  • Kendall Defoe2 months ago

    Seriously, how can they keep us hosers out of the running for the mac and cheese?

  • Zel Harrison2 months ago

    I had so much fun reading this story. Wish we were all there sharing a mac n cheese picnic. Cant waitto read your children's stories. I am Zel Harrison and my newest story is The Dragon Whistlers

  • Luna Lee Bear2 months ago

    I am Italian so I have never had a pasta meal out of a box in my life...but dang did I enjoy this! 😁

  • muttluver2 months ago

    You're gonna get people up in arms over the ketchup 😅 Also. I know what I'm talking about. Gooey Mac or go home. ....boxed mac isn't gooey enough. :( I don't have a ton of issues with it sticking. I found out that if you don't use a ton of water and them leave some at the end, you don't even need the butter for the cheese powder. Unfortunately, something's up with my heart, and too much mac n cheese makes it beat too fast. But it's cheap (if you get the right kind), and it's great old standby. I have to season it more now. My tastebuds aren't what they were when I was a kid. I'm sad about it. It tasted better then.

  • Ali Howarth2 months ago

    Great read lol You've painted powdered cheese in a whole new light for me. Congrats on top story :)

  • Caitlin McColl2 months ago

    Yeesssss!! True Canadian love of KD here! (With ketchup!). We always have some boxes on hand! I lol'd at chesterfield too...haha - so Canadian! It is so strangely iconic in Canadian culture! Nothing beats OG KD (tho the new spicy KD is great - it is really creamy!). No wonder this got Top Story!

  • Lena Borondia2 months ago

    Ya, girl! Get it! This is awesome! And the Barenaked Ladies song is just icing on the ca... wait. No it's not. It's neon powder on the noodles! Yeah!! :D

  • Steve Lance2 months ago

    Interesting different box in Canada. I always have a few in my cupboard. The Ketchup must be north of the border thing. Oh, it's getting close to lunchtime, hmmm what shall I have?

  • Babs Iverson2 months ago

    Loving this!!! Congratulations on Top Story!💕

  • Madoka Mori2 months ago

    Hahaaaa Les you maniac

  • Dane BH2 months ago

    You had me until ketchup. Omg. WHY.WHYYYYYY.

  • C. H. Richard2 months ago

    Lol This was a hoot! I had no idea that it was so big in Canada. I love pasta pretty much all of it so I can relate a little bit.

  • Excellent take on this, and you will always have your Kraft Dinner even if they wont give you the Camp Mac & Cheese

  • Cathy holmes2 months ago

    Girl, you nailed it. Bloody well done. But, neon? Seriously, what's wrong with you?

  • Bri Craig2 months ago

    Ah! I love this! This was so so fun! Congrats on top story!

  • Laura Kibben2 months ago

    Sooo cool!! Wasn't even aware of the new box design 🙄 Reminded of an assignment in I don't recall which class in middle school in Wahiawa, Hawaii (stepdad had joined the army in the 5th year of marriage) where we were asked to show off something we could do and I embarrassingly cooked a package of Kraft Macaroni and Cheese. And of course, in following the box directions and as we all definitely know by now, the called for amount of milk along with the melting butter created a soupy looking mess that garnered odd looks at my pan of the finished product and myself both embarrassingly undeserving at 12 1/2 years old. Maybe if I had known to throw in some Spam...

  • Camp doesn’t ship to Canada because the execs know they’ll never win the Canadian allegiance. (Just kidding… I think)

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