A mother-daughter love

Parenting, though being a tremendous joy for many, has been met with innumerable challenges; common among which is the seemingly existent gap between parents and their children; more specifically, mothers and their daughters. One would argue that this is a gap that need not be; given the fact that mothers themselves have journeyed the complex system of paths in which one can be easily lost; in some cases, the very paths that tower their daughters, forcing them to make questionable choices.

It is interesting, that as human beings, we have been so far removed from the bedrock of life; the core principles of communication, honesty, accountability, and integrity; traded for dubious ‘ models of excellence’, or often buried under layers of frustration, thwarting our will to regain our balance in our homes, and ultimately in this vast world.

After much research, I have drawn the following conclusions:

Mother-daughter relations can be salvaged:

It is very important that mothers revisit some destinations in their past for the sake of their daughters. It would help to recount what life was like when you (mothers) were teenagers, or simply when your challenges began with your parents. In this walk of remembrance, one must ask herself, what were some of the things I wished my mother understood about me?

1. What were some of the things I hated most about how she dealt with me?
2. What were some of the things I wished she had given more of and less of?
3. What were some of the things I loved most about her?

It would help to write down both the questions and the answers thereto, and then ask one’s self, how much of what I have rediscovered about the younger version of me, do I see in my daughter? If you recognize that your paths are similar, the next step is to begin charting a plan to implement those things you knew were and are most needed. In many cases, these challenges are no more than the continuity of a cycle that no one takes cognizance of.

Reflection must never be done for condescension, if for some reason or other, there was nothing in your upbringing that is relatable to the manifestations of your daughter’s needs, do not hang it over her head. Mothers who take the pedestal to comparatively recount how much better they were growing up, become antagonists to their daughters, and antagonists are only met with the sternest of resistance. Instead, endeavor to be more aware of, and understanding of the influences of the many variables by which your daughter is surrounded, and study her heart; the silent cries beneath the tantrums. Remember, women are complex human beings, the beats of our hearts are well-synched with our emotions, and our speech is often laden with metaphors; being anything, but direct; especially when we are enraged. If we are true to ourselves, in understanding, then the clearer we can see, understand and appreciate those who are like us.

Though some young women react impulsively or impetuously; without taking caution when responding to the rebuke of their mothers, this is often just a manifestation of a much bigger, often underlying problem. Be assured that your daughter is well aware of what she needs most from you, but the perceivable gap, coupled with her very own assessment or judgment of your value for her, prompts her to build impenetrable walls that threaten the success of a healthy relationship; and these walls are strengthened or solidified each time a problem escalates or the inability to fix things is perpetuated.

Revisit the core values.

Communication is not to be feared or avoided; it is the backbone of every successful relationship. If as a mother you find this difficult to do, then it is important that you also introspect, and address those obstacles that prevent you from sitting your daughter down and having a respectful, and honest conversation WITH her.

Understand first and foremost that you are her covering; her first example of what it means to be a woman; and it is from this very example that she will shape her own identity; either with a desire to conform to, or become nothing like you; it is, therefore, vital that you portray the best qualities in the quintessence of your being.

Set clear boundaries and guidelines; be sure to give her enough space for her to learn responsibility and accountability; making those learning objectives very clear in the process. Tackle every problem from an angle of evaluation; to correct, and not condemn, with the result of escalation. Exercise patience, understanding, and forgiveness; these are characteristics of love.

Do not appease a problem, you will lose more respect than you could ever earn, under the guise that you are your daughter’s friend. Rather address it, in the most civil way possible, remember, a soft answer turns away wrath. If you are to execute discipline, there must always be follow-up, help your daughter to understand that your discipline is synonymous with your interest in her well-being and your responsibility to protect her and be the best model for her, lest she is led to draw her conclusions regarding your discipline and resent you for her misunderstanding thereof.

To bridge the divide between mothers and daughters, it is imperative to demonstrate a dedication to assessment, rectification, and comprehension. The development of a robust relationship necessitates the cultivation of patience, forgiveness, and a willingness to learn from errors. Through the implementation of open communication, boundary establishment, and conflict resolution strategies rooted in love and respect, maternal figures can cultivate a profound and enduring bond with their female offspring.

Undertake the process of fostering a robust mother-daughter bond, and observe the splendor of affection, comprehension, and linkage that thrives upon the dismantling of obstacles.