"Well, Actually..."

My adult son is smart, ethical, and socially aware. I’m incredibly proud to have raised a human whose principles cause him to speak up, and to actively support social causes that promote peace and justice. He is extremely comfortable challenging people when their comments could be interpreted as racist, homophobic, or otherwise offensive. At least, he seems to have no trouble telling me when my words are questionable. “Well, that’s a very middle-age white woman thing to say,” he told me recently. I’m never quite certain if he is teasing me, or actually concerned about statements that I have made. I think maybe it’s a little of both. For the most part, even though he is often quick to react, I appreciate his passion and ability to challenge me to consider my own words, and behaviors.

In general, I think we’re fairly like-minded on most social and political issues, but he likes to give me shit and tries to “okay, boomer” me fairly often. His father (my ex,) and I introduced ethical non-monogamy to him when he was only fourteen years old. At the time, we had opened our marriage to include another couple, and soon opened our home to include two extra adults, three additional kids, and two more dogs. Suffice to say that back then, we made monumental mistakes that impacted all of our lives, and exposed cracks in my relationship with my son’s father that were irreparable, and ultimately led to our divorce.

In the fourteen years since I first told my son that I was poly, ours has largely been a DADT (don’t ask, don’t tell,) situation. This suits us for the most part, and I understand that nobody really wants to talk to their parents about their love lives. Still, sometimes when my son gets a couple of drinks in him, he is often willing to be a bit chattier. Some of our best conversations happen when one or both of us is a little under the influence. Last night he’d had a few, and I was also fairly high. We had one of our epic kitchen chats wherein he told me about Gonzo, the Muppet, recently coming out as non-binary. We talked about how the internet seemed to be going crazy over a one line in episode three of this first season of Disney’s “Loki” that confirmed that Loki was bisexual. We both agreed that this was an obvious conclusion, not only for anyone who follows the Marvel Cinematic Universe, but also for anyone who knows anything about Norse mythology. Still, we agreed that we were glad to see it finally brought to light.

As our conversation continued, I mentioned that I had recently watched an episode of the hit Netflix show, “Atypical,” and wondered if they were about to introduce a poly relationship storyline. Perhaps, they were, perhaps not. The show was not renewed, and the episode that I was watching turned out to be the finale. I shared that I was nearly yelling at the TV: “please make this a poly storyline!”

He didn’t exactly “well, actually,” me, but it was fully implied when he said: “ENM. I believe the preferred term is now ENM which stands for ethical non-monogamy.”

I didn’t exactly “well, actually,” him, but it was fully implied when I said: “I believe that the majority of people in my poly groups would say that ENM and poly are slightly different terms. ENM encompasses ALL types of non-monogamy, including polyamory, swapping, swinging, one-night stands, friends with benefits, and orgies. Whereas polyamory specifically involves feelings, relationships, and love.”

He probably regrets going down that conversational road with me, but I quite enjoyed it, and was happy that I was able to talk to my adult son about non-traditional relationship constructs and to end our discussion by saying “I love you.”