Patience is a Virtue

Stuck in a time loop. Not sure where to go, what to do or how to be. To be me is to be free from all of this. To have a life I want and strive for. Lost dedication and failed motivation. Some don’t give up but what if your will is draining. Constant state of tire and yet you struggle to find some hope. You spend to get some motivation. You pay to get inspiration but do you end up getting it? The things you pay for becomes a temporary fix. Like a pay to play scenario. We pay to play the game of life.

You run out before you get to somewhere worth the consistency but get roadblocked by dark entities. Trauma, anxiety, false promises, toxicity. We live with these things dormant and build the strength to maintain them or keep them at bay. Do we really though? Do we become the thing we hate or do we drown in despair of insecurities? In a constant struggle of the everyday some cling onto those that provide relief from ourselves. We fight and we fight to make something of ourselves. We find truth of who we are until our last moments.

As we get older we are expected to be on a path of peace and self reliance. Sometimes that’s not the case at all. Sometimes life throws a curveball. Sometimes we end up back at square one and we have to pick up the pieces while trying to rediscover who we are. As we get older we may even explore a new world that we become a part of and venture past what we think we know. This world of instant gratification and constant release of dopamine is a game of gacha risks and temptations. You either fall for it or gets surrounded by deflection.

The common cold becomes an excuse to relax and heal. A universal event is a means to step outside. You end up swallowed up in a sea of debt where you become another slave to reality. An accessory to chaos and a seed of extraction. Your hopes and dreams are shrinking as you’re surrounded by the accomplishments and self loathing. Days, months and even years go by as you rattle the pendulum of life. In and out of struggling feats only to lose your will and strength of happiness. A falling sky of revolving pain.

When does it end? How to break through when you’re locked in a rollercoaster of good versus evil. The moments of joy and disappearance that make you forget your worries and sadness. You fall internally and yet you go day by day trying to survive and find the happy. You isolate yourself in hopes to not hurt others but as those close push back, you give them a key into your domain. You should be happy by now. You should have found your peace. Yet, you’re back at square one confused and wondering how things traveled to the bottom of defeat.

You think of the people you have touched. The people you impacted with your positivity and hope. You remember how they gave you the okay to focus on you and develop the you that you always talked about. The hopes and dreams you want to setup to be truly happy. Sometimes the matter of wait is just embracing silence and resist temptation of action to preserve peace. By meditating to you learn to focus on the wait so you are more pristine with patience. The pain of biding your time becomes the strongest of all and yet we take it for granted.