Just Like Me

What am I doing throwing myself at you like this? I have self control. I have self reliance. What makes me so enthralled with you? You may not be a mystery but you seem to be everything. Everything that I could be working for. The vision of a future where I see it all come to pass. The one experience sparked what charmed phoebe saw in her vision sometime ago. A premonition of what’s to come. Not knowing when but seeing what could be. So smooth how it all fits into place. The conversations and the connection. I wonder what happened or where I went wrong.

I jump to the chance to see you. To hold you and to wonder if this is what it feels like. My heart races and my brain runs on auto to connect with you. To vibe and to share in experiences. Brain moves too fast and I slip and ponder. Ponder if I’m moving too fast. If I’m feeling too much too quickly. I am. I came off too strong and too quick and we’ve only met in person once and that’s it. I am embarrassed. Embarrassed that I flashed my cards without even looking. Like a possessed soul who is tired of running.

Tired of the bad eggs. Tired of letting people in just to bring me down. Tired of second guessing myself because I wasn’t ready. Wasn’t prepared or strong enough. Used to feel like I didn’t have a seat at the table because I was too new. Having some experiences on my belt I fight to get in. Fight to not only have a seat but to have a place. A place to belong and call my own. To show how my individuality is me and the love shared is none like before. But yet, I show my cards.

Like a game of spades or poker. I keep my thoughts and feelings to myself, only to be shown when the moments are right. To slowly see how things play out only to reveal things as they come. That’s who I am. That’s the smart play. So why someone like me. Someone who has dealt with such trivial matters, throws themself at someone that can evidently be a stranger. A stranger nonetheless even with a day long of conversations. Some would like to call it love at first sight. Some may even call it desperate.

I call it just like me. Just like me you see things on the surface and yet holds bards for when things may go awry. Just like me, you take your time with adventures because you love the journey and want to explore the authenticity as a whole. You care for others but your peace is what matters more, you have to. Your way of life is different than mine and yet the things we do together feels like it just clicks. Smooth like butter I slip and fall. I find myself dropping my tricks and specialities, hoping not to be shown, all my cards.

Now, here. Just like me you wait patiently, for time to allow us to grow into what we can be. Patience is a virtue and after one encounter, I threw it all aside because I felt what I didn’t. What I couldn’t feel before. I read you like a book and yet I’ve only read the prologue. I’ve checked your size and summary. Checked the seams and craftsmanship. I’m interested, like really interested. Feels like I was finally sent someone who can meet my match. But just like me, take their time and grow into a wonderful catch.