Low-level Ick That Turned Incredible

To be sure, some of our idiosyncrasies may be less than endearing, but when they turn out to be a benefit, try not to gloat.

Confession: I’ve perfected the art of internal gloating so that it never shows on my face. That’s allowed.

Impartial self-assessment might be hard to come by here. Look for the antithesis of your cheering squad. Be a super-sleuth with a strong stomach about acceptance of the most digusting-est (or just not well-liked) traits you have and observe them with scrutiny. Doesn’t mean that an exorcism or negative reinforcement conditioning is warranted, because some of them might pleasantly surprise…

Here’s some of mine *definitely not an exhaustive list*:

Quiet

I don’t HAVE to talk. I CHOOSE to talk. In my early years, this reticence was considered a liability. All my report cards consistently contained the same half-term summary by form teachers, “She’s very quiet,” and “She works slowly and steadily but is really quiet.”

The teachers back then always complained about the noise levels whenever re-entering classrooms. So, I was justifiably one peeved six-year-old when a class teacher wrote on my report, “She’s too quiet. I think she’s mentally unstable.”

When you possess the ability to stay silent as long as I can, nobody really considers it a superpower…until it comes to scenarios that require a formal review and the dreaded dredging of memories for evidence. All the ‘mouth-almighties’ who knew everything and told everybody everywhere left indelible impressions. At a previous job, when it was ‘pulling over the red carpet time’ due to serious breaches of company communications policy, guess whose name never came up?

I can keep my mouth shut for ages.

Introversion

It’s connected to quietude but not necessarily at the hip. I’m a highly functional introvert, so rarely even suspected. My need for ‘alone time’ surpasses essentials like hunger and thirst. I could play and enjoy myself with other kids growing up, but I also liked to stay in my room by myself. I’m worlds apart from the extreme shyness I used to have, yet seclusion fuels me in a way that is difficult to comprehensively explain.

When the pandemic brought its lockdowns, people literally went crazy. Masses went into withdrawal from the absence of social connections.

Me: Humans need to keep their distance, no physical contact, AND I get to stay home? All the YAYS! Introversion saves the days!

Y’all do know that won’t be the last pandemic…Right? Sorry.

Sensitivity

Ohhh, this one got comments on a regular! I guess because my feelings weren’t cast iron like some people who were ‘going places.’ That cutthroat modus operandi still has adoring adherents whose motto is “Me first, me second, me last, and if there’s anything left over, THAS ME TOO!”

I am biologically incapable of being that unfeeling. Now that I’ve been on this journey for a while, I know that no one is essentially unfeeling/uncaring, but adapts to block or impede such signals based on their own customized biochemistry as a result of societal programming and/or trauma. I didn’t escape those factors either, but I embrace my sensitivity for how it has helped me negotiate through life.

If I’m around someone who causes my feelings to scrunch up, I pay attention because my heightened awareness is trying to tell me something. When there’s too much ‘la-la’ in my day, my body registers and signals a retreat to recover. Yeah, others can hang around if they wanna catch the hell and drama. Push their body past safe operating capacities and become stressed and unbalanced. But I’m all, “No thank you” up front.

A raised voice toward me used to devastate. Another person’s suffering witnessed brought an internal 'dis-ease' that I couldn’t verbalize, function through, or let alone resolve. My sensitivity was a burden but transformed into a blessing as it allowed me to support and validate others. It's an early warning system. I developed the ability to catch someone before they fell because I could sense it. I became that soft place in a world of hardness and business as usual, where emotions were thought too messy and cumbersome to deal with. My sensitivity is one of my badass superpowers.

‘Pay No Mind’ Mastery Levels Execution

Yup, seems an about-face to sensitivity but I’ll make my case since ignoring those constant marketing/advertising/strictly necessary cookies, etc., on a daily requires stone-cold temperament and disdain that won’t wait a minute.

And those sneaky ones are the worst!

Apply for an essential service that promises not to share your personal information with third parties and voila! Somehow your email address and phone number are mysteriously dispensed while you seethe in 'WTF' mode.

I have been informed by reliable sources that I reside in a high scam/fraud jurisdiction. My itty-bitty ability to ignore ignorance has now become a gargantuan-girt ability due to my locale.

Spam calls/messages/requests from sources I don’t know?

Ignored. Or can sit there ‘til judgment day.

Waste time with another flyer, brochure, and email sent that I did not ask for, and watch your investment and resources go straight down the sewer drain.

I am not the one.

Mastery levels.

***

Some of my eccentricities used to choke me up a bit, but these ones have been given a reprieve. Positives can coexist in the most unlikely of places. As my sistah-homegirl would say often, “Not all bad is bad.”

So…got some personality traits/quirks with plus factor you wanna put on a list?

Feel free to start your draft in the comments section.

I really appreciate that you took the time to read my story! Thank you!

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