Tristyn Janai
Bio
my name is Tristyn Janai, I’m lovely and have a great imagination.I have two children, I believe in my ancestors, My God, and my craft. I’m 24, married, and my life has been a difficult one, which all makes for good stories!
Stories (5/0)
Breakfast at Brittany’s
It’s been more than three years since my divorce. Three years of feeling empty inside, three years of being lost. Three years of still finding pieces of my life to fit back together. More than anything I just longed for somewhere to belong, someone to love me. Someone to make me feel whole. I divorced my husband because I was more than sure that I no longer enjoyed the company of a man. I needed something more concrete, I wanted someone who also wanted companionship, and nurturing, and who could reciprocate that more than a woman? Who could understand that words like ‘yes’ and ‘ok’ were not conversational pieces more than a woman?” He became uninterested, or he was just uninteresting. And here I was denying myself of my own sexuality. So I did it my lawyers drew up the paper work, and two months later I was a divorced, gay, woman. Yet still, 3 years later I lay in my bed depressed like always waiting for life to start. I don’t know what I was looking for in particular but I knew, that it would grasp my attention when it was time. I decided to get up and make myself breakfast. Breakfast is something that I haven’t physically done in a while, food in general is something that had barely graced my lips since my husband left home. There was no need for something so savory and sweet now that I’m alone, because nothing in my life is savory and sweet. I blamed myself for ruining something so perfect. We would always be what we needed to be, when we needed to be it. He just became so predictable, too dependable, too absent. Life was routine for him! He knew what to say even if it was robotic, he fit the mold. I no longer wanted to fit the mold. I needed growth! I needed chasing after, I wanted to know that I mattered! Not my status, my money, my mind, but my soul. I got out of my California king sized bed, and walked the cold teakwood floors that lined my penthouse apartment. The glass walls seemed so transparent into my body and mind, as if they told the sad story of a middle aged woman. The kitchen was big enough to host a grand dinner, but I had no one to fill it. “What shall I cook, what will I eat?” I have been filling my body with wine and ice cream, my body probably didn’t understand nourishment. I decided on an omelette. I looked in the fridge and all I could find was forty bottles of water that had probably a been there for months and a block of fresh farmed cheese. I battled with if I should go lie back in bed, or if I should drag my ass to the grocery store. I haven’t seen the inside of a grocery store in at-least two years. Normally my assistant Mandy does my shopping for me. But since it was Saturday and she had the day off I had to take care of myself. Riiinngg* I could hear my work phone ring miles away. I hated that my job was so demanding. I just wanted To draw into myself, without interruption. I threw on a cashmere Chanel sweater, grabbed a pair of lululemon tights and headed into the Manhattan air. The closest grocery store was Whole Foods. As my driver entered into the parking lot and parked the big black Escalade in front of the opened doors of the store my chest began to tighten. I dreaded walking in and having to put on a fake smile like my insides were not falling apart just as much as my life were. My driver Rodney handed me a pair of Chanel sunglasses, and gave me a shy smile through the rearview mirror. As if he was telling me everything was going to be ok. “Thank you,” he nodded and I opened the door and walked into the store. It was busy as always. Filled with PTA moms dressed for yoga, with nothing to do with their day, but judge any socialites that had a real life. I walked to the back of the dairy section and grabbed a carton of egg, and milk. Scanning the room for what’s next on my list I realized I needed turkey from the deli. The line was so long I went to survey the wines to grab two or three for later. On the top shelf there was one more bottle of Duckhorn Three Palms Vineyard Merlot! I had to have it! Normally you have to travel to Napa Valley to get this type of find. Reaching for the bottle I seen another small dainty hand with the wine colored fingernails headed for my treasure find. Before looking back I said “sorry excuse me, you should probably go find another choice, this is rather expensive.” She had a cute little chuckle that mocked me. “I am well aware of the price, but thank you for your concern.” I turned around and there she was. Sometimes you just know, you see someone and know everything they stand for, how great they are, how happy they could make you. She was tall and platinum blonde. She had to be just a baby, 25 maybe? She had green, that looked like God himself took a paint brush and hand painted specks of blue that could be confused for purple. Looking past her face I noticed her tight athletic body that must have hugged her soul. She smiled at me, “what’s your name?” She sung, “Taylor Avon, top designer of Taylor Von wedding gowns!” I introduced myself with the same manner as always, She laughed right in my face. “Is that your introduction? Do you feel as if you say how much money you make people will care?” She shifted her oversized Gucci from one should to the other. The bag was atleast worth 10,000 grand used. I stared at the bag because I didn’t know what to say. She was right, maybe I did feel that way. I was defeated, and humiliated. As soon as I try to interact it was a complete failed attempt. I handed her the wine, she wrapped her beautifully manicured fingers around the bottle as she tapped her flip flop on the tile floor. She looked at the bottle then, looked down at it as if she was in mid thought. “I’ll tell you what,” she looked up at me and sucked her teeth. “you’re really hot, I think you’re funny, how about I pay for it, and we drink it together?” The corners of my mouth curled into a smile. But I could also feel a fire in my vagina that needed to be put out. “What’s your name? I asked? “Brittany Seal, CEO of Sealed by Seal.” She was making fun of me. She stuck her hand out as if this was a business meeting. I laughed out loud, and free, gladly shaking her hand. “I’m headed out for breakfast at my favorite breakfast restaurant, you can join me, and we can pop this baby open to celebrate!” Whatever it is she wanted to get from me, she got it. She was smart, corky, allusive, funny, the list goes on. “What are we celebrating?” I asked her, she looked at the bottle of wine and spoke with her head down “meeting a new friend, and this great find of a bottle” She finished. Was she inviting me on a breakfast date? “Ok, I’ll follow you.” “No we can ride together” She flashed a pair of keys to an Audi. She walked with me to put my groceries back up in its proper place we paid for the wine, As we walked outside the day seemed much brighter than before. The sun felt like it was filling me with its rays of energy, as if I was being recharged, instead of shining unwanted light into my darkness. As Rodeny pulled to the front of the store, I gave him instructions to follow behind. He smiled really big and nodded. She and I walked to her car and it was a periwinkle blue Audi coupe, looked just like something I’d thought she drive. She watched me stare at her very noticeable car choice. I looked up and she was studying me. “Whats the difference between my car and your very flashy car? They are both conversation pieces that screams rich. Mine just screams care free, and yours screams too many problems.” She keeps insulting me with the truth. “I had a car just like this when I was your age, but mine was red.” She smiled and turned red when she realized she read my face all wrong, now it was her turn to put her foot in her mouth. “When is the last time you drove?” She asked. I pondered on that, before I could answer, she walked over to me and told me to drive her car. Placing the keys in my hand, it was the second time we touched, and at that moment I wish her fingers were else where. Shaking off the thought I occupied my mind by getting over in the driver seat and immediately felt alive. I could feel her blushing at me from the next seat. She typed in the directions to her favorite breakfast spot ‘Over Easy Momosas’ and we were off! She sat silent the entire ride. Probably soaking it all in, because I knew I was. The ride was silent but not awkward . We were at peace, no need for fillers, just feeling each other’s energy. We pulled into valet and they she was greeted as if she owned the establishment. Immediately. The place was buzzing with people, I did not know if we were going to be able to find a table. A man with his hair gelled into a high pony walked out, dressed in a black suit and greeted Brittany a if she was the the person funding the establishment. “Ms. Brittany! It’s always lovely to see you here, I see you have a guest, May I offer a private sector for breakfast, or would you prefer something else?” She hugged the man, and told him she needed the sector. “Can you also get this chilled for me?” She asked so sweetly, the man grinned after seeing the bottle,” “This must be some special friend!” He left in a hurry with our bottle, and a woman lead us upstairs to a room. As we walked in the places buzzed with morning banter, and the walls were white bricked. Each table had beautiful vases filled with chilled water, and white roses in an overdrawn hung bouquet that hung from the mini chandeliers. There was so much light filling the place it didn’t need much decor. We were lead upstairs down a hall, the walls were bricked as well but with a cherry cement, our waitress opened a huge heavy door and my eyes lit up. It had a grand table that went from wall to wall, and a veranda with a smaller table. In the corner there was a fully stocked bathroom with a shower, and a 75 inch tv, that took control of the entire wall facing the veranda. Speakers filled the corners of the room. There were paintings of beautiful sad art on the bricks, that told stories of chaos, and triumph, and love. It told the story of life beautifully. “Brittany looked at me, have you ever seen something so grand?” I shook my head no. She grabbed something out of the bowl that sat on the big wooden table and turned on a little music. Lucky by Jason Mraz and Colbie Caillat drifted into the room, making its presence into the energy. “What were you buying those eggs for in the store?” She asked, I found my voice “I was going home to make an omelet.” I stammered. The waitress who was waiting patiently in the door way spoke up “and for you Ms. Brittany? The usual?” Brittany nodded and the young lady was off. I went to the restroom to gather myself. Just this morning I didn’t want to get out of bed, and now I’m in a beautiful breakfast nook with a beautiful woman! I could smell the Roses oil fussing through the unlit candles that dressed the decor in the bathroom. I looked in the mirror, suddenly dissatisfied with my choice of clothes, and laziness with my unkept hair, and took off the shades that was once supposed to make me feel invisible. “You’re ready for this.” I whispered to myself, I tried so hard to believe it. Examining myself in the mirror, I had beautiful brown skin even under stress held it’s natural glass and blemish free structure. I took a deep breath and opened the door. The room has been filled with bold sunflowers, and roses, The bottle of wine had been put on ice, with a glass pitcher of sparkling fresh squeezed Orange juice. One of the flutes were missing and I knew Brittany was the culprit. I poured a glass of Merlot, and joined her out on the balcony. The wind blew and it was the first time I took in her scent. It was citrusy, with a little cinnamon and vanilla. She smelled so good and natural. “Isn’t it beautiful?” She broke the silence. I used to come here and just think, not even eat my food. I struggled in the beginning with my sexuality, my dad dying never knowing who I was, and I couldn’t live another day fighting and going to war with myself. I was the heir to the company he built. So I do that to make him proud and for me.” I watched her as she relived that part of her life. It has to be hard to open up to a complete stranger and just become so transparent. She looked at me. I don’t know if it was for e to judge, or just to see how I was retaining the information she poured. I cleared my throat and spoke. “I think I just exist sometimes.” I admitted, I’ve went my entire life just being what I thought I was supposed to be, eventually I was so unhappy I had to stop . And Now I don’t know if that was the right decision.” She listened so carefully before she spoke. “Everything that most people for themselves, you have someone to do for you. Drive, cook, clean, and whatever else. Did it not feel good to get out and be amongst people today? People you don’t have on payroll?” I laughed, and looked down into the crowd of New Yorkers that strolled the strip. Our food had arrived and it was placed on the outside table, behind us. The egg white omelets topped with fresh tomatoes , onion and celery and sprinkled with cheese looked amazing, a broken yolk also sat comfortably on top of two pieces of whole wheat toast. I looked back at Brittany, finished my glass and responded. “We will see,” she smirked as we sat and ate. We talked about childhood, my failed marriage, her coming out, me never having children, and our jobs. She gave so much wisdom it was like she had lived this life before. She loved her father, not really close to her mother, and loved adventures. I could listen to her all day! As we sipped on the delicate blends of cherry notes and aged barrel. The glass of Merlot turned into three, and soon the bottle had one more share left. We forgot our cups and took turns sipping from the bottle. As we loosened up. So did the conversation, we moved the conversation to inside, as we talked about what we wanted in a next partner, and sexual encounters with other women. I shared my secret that I haven’t slept with a woman in 12 years. She was perplexed, never understood how I could go so long denying myself of that pleasure we both craved. I was sure my truth had her more turned on then concerned. She touched my inner thigh. It was like instantly my body began to feel unstable, and a tingle crept down into my most intimate part. She noticed the instant change of mood. And waited for an reaction. I had none. I wanted so badly to taste the remaining Merlot on her lips. To feel her soft cinnamon fragranced skin, to have the parts that made us a woman intertwined. “I’m sorry, the Merlot has definitely taken over me.” I confessed. “What spell does it have you under? What is it telling you to do?” She responded without her eyes leaving my lips, and her hand slowly making its way to the middle of my tights. Thank God I didn’t wear underwear. I wanted to feel her soft fingers tease me. I went for a kiss, spilling over the pitcher of orange juice all over our laps. Humiliated I spring into action cleaning my mess forgetting all about the steam that she and I produced. She laughed and called for someone to clean the mess. I jumped up soaked in the liquid vitamin C and so was she. “I’m really sorry, I don’t know how that happened I..” before I could finish groveling She had taken her shirt off, two beautiful soft milky beast bounced in place. “Let’s shower?” I couldn’t speak, but the fire that was burning inside my tights was suddenly back that the OJ had temporarily put out. I texted Rodney and asked him to get two sets of sweats from Mandy. And followed her into the shower. Her tight long body looked even better wet. I was memorized watching the water ripple down her frame, she stood in front of me, facing me Waiting for me to enter the shower. I didn’t want to ruin this moment with sex but I wanted to have her here and now! She pulled me into the soaked shower and planted herself against me. Her lips tasted as she smelled, before too long you couldn’t tell where she began and I ended. Her fingers strummed my body as if I was a guitar. For me it was a bit like driving the car, something I haven’t done in a while, but definitely freeing. I felt her erupt as I had, 20 minutes ago, and we sat there silent both taken by the moment. “You’re beautiful,” She whispered. In that moment I felt she really meant it. We toweled off, and went into the dinning room dressed in our towels, two pairs of black Dior tights and matching jackets lay out on top of the table, with a huge bowl freshly chopped fruit. We sat on the floor sharing the bowl of fruit before getting dressed. She laid her head in my lap and shared with me how perfect this morning had been. I wanted to see her again. Before I could ask she asked me about Tuesday for breakfast again. I smiled “This time, my place?” She made me want to make breakfast for her. We shared a kiss got dressed and headed back downstairs. The hustle of the restaurant has fell silent, and we headed for the cars. When Rodney arrived, we both beamed if excitement for me. “Rodney I want to drive!” He let out the biggest burst of laughter I’ve ever heard escape his lips, and opened the door to allow me inside the drivers seat. I instructed him to sit in the passenger seat as we both sat in silence On the journey home. I smiled a smile that was so intoxicating. Let down the Windows as Speak by Jhené Aiko surround us in the big vehicle. I was now feeling recharged, full, and optimistic. I wanted to take charge of myself, Brittany was good for me, What a Saturday.
By Tristyn Janai3 years ago in Humans
Your Spirit awaits
There has been many events in my life that I have faced which has caused me to crawl inside myself. I would hide from the world, lay in bed, drink wine, find a tv show that would take away any thoughts. Until one day something that I thought was in my head but actually took place in my spirit, just clicked. I wanted to grow closer with myself. I can not explain how it happened, what I was doing when it happened , it just happened! I kept calling it my core. “I’m getting back to my core, the old me.” I would say, not know how true that statement was, or how centered, or deep this journey would take me. I didn’t know the actual name, or understand its actual name. I didn’t understand what was taking place in my life, or what I should do about it. It was constantly on my mind that I would try to share this “awakening” with anyone that would listen. I could have not have had a worse idea. See when you’re learning more about yourself, and trying to become in tune with your spirit, you can NOT try to convey that with others who have not reached that part of spiritual maturity!
By Tristyn Janai3 years ago in Motivation
Young Black Woman, Small country Town
First off let me explain, I’m not one of those black Women with long pretty curly hair and light skin. All my life I wished I looked as beautiful as that type of black woman. You know the ones that are easy on the eyes, and make white pepper want mixed kids? Instead, I am the other type, the kind you rarely take a second look at, the black girl with nappy hair. The type of nappy hair that you’re surprised it’s so long. I am the black Woman that is Considered loud, and aggressive instead of passionate, I am still a beautiful black Woman. I am many things, I wear many crowns. I am a mother before I am woman. And I say that because I too often put my womanly needs away, to take care of my children’s needs. Do you know how many opportunities I’ve missed to shave my legs? Or get my hair done, or just sip wine without my name being called for something minuscule? I am also a wife, (to an Nigerian which will matter later as the story progresses) I am a daughter, who still to this day craves her mother’s approval. Lastly but not least. Somewhere in there is a woman. A young 24 year old which is more of a reminder for myself then to inform you.
By Tristyn Janai3 years ago in Motivation
Star crossed love
I lay in my jail cell as they bring in a new inmate. She looks nice, friendly even when they get her inside she speaks “hi, I’m Haley, I’m in here for robbery, what about you?” I close my eyes before I spoke. I knew what was coming next. “My name is Royal, it’s nice to meet you!” She smiled, you seem nice what are you in here for” I took a deep breath and let it out slowly, it never gets easier telling my story.“Do not read that it’s the devil!” “If you believe in horoscopes then you don’t believe in God!” These are just a few of the things told to me, as I clicked on my app once again to see what the day had in store for me. I didn’t care what anyone felt in this small town. My horoscope gave me a peace of mind. A sense of self. I mean who isn’t looking for direction from somewhere? And if I was one of the millions of people, who believed that your horoscope had truth to it then so be it! “Good morning Royal The sun is in Leo today, which means you will have a great day! Don’t wear the color red, remember to look out for new relationships.” I mean how could you not get a great feeling about your day when you read that it was going to be a good day for you? My horoscope could not ever steer me wrong.. .. I mean they had my characteristics down to a science. I’m a strong, fierce, leader who loves being praised and worshipped like a baptist church on Sunday! I smiled as I closed my horoscope app. I looked over to my best friend, “you know one day you’re going to believe something in your horoscope and it’s not going to come true.” She gawked. I rolled my eyes in disbelief, just like a small town mind, to believe that the only thing real in this world is oxygen, and Jesus. Before I could give my response, the smell of YSL filled my nostrils. I knew that smell from anywhere! It was him! The love of my life, the man I was planning my future with, it was destined to be! I was going to be Riot Reid. Not only did my heart tell me so, but so did my horoscope, he just didn’t know it yet. I longed for the day he would wake up and come to his senses, but instead I just settled for small casual hellos. “Hey Royal, hey Jen” my mouth instantly went dry and wet at the same time. It was as if my throat was dry but, if I spoke my mouth would ooze with saliva! Luckily he didn’t wait for a hello and just continued his walk to the homework basket. I laid my head down on the hard cold wooden desk. Why did this boy make me so crazy? My friend Jennifer just rubbed my back, and said “how will you ever be his, if you can’t even say hello?” I hate that she’s such a realistic person. That’s the exact reason why I keep her around. I mean, someone has to keep my head out the clouds every now and again. “I knoooow! It’s like he just makes me forget anything that I’ve ever learned.” I whined. “What does your horoscope say about your compatibility?” I couldn’t tell if her question was sincere, or if she was making fun of me. Looked up at her to check her eyes for clues, but they gave away nothing. I decided to check it once again for good measure, and to show my friend why I’m the perfect girl for Riot. He was an Aries, and I a Leo we were a match made in heaven. I began to read the results out loud “both of you share creativity love to laugh and have big hearts, you both have a desire for independence. You are very vivacious signs. Aries rarely interferes with the life of Leo, and that is what makes this couple very compatible with each other. Need I go on?” I mocked her just in case the question was asked to make fun of me. “Then what’s stopping you girl?” I was taken back by this question. I mean if the horoscope have been so right about my characteristics, why wouldn’t I have faith in my budding relationship with Riot? Who’s to say that our love was not written in the stars as well! “I really don’t know.” I stammered I went on to give more excuses but I couldn’t think of any. It was the time. I had to let him know how I felt. Should it be a note? Should I walk up to him and tell him how I feel in person? I decided to just go ahead and let him know. How I felt in person. I tell Jennifer about my idea, and she has the bright idea to talk to him for me. I mean how could that not be the perfect solution to my issue? She’s my best friend, our horoscopes match up perfectly, and she’s knows me just as well as I know myself. She gets up and walks over to his desk. I wish there was a better way to explain the way my heart fell into my butt! It felt like forever, the longer they talked the longer it felt like my stomach was doing cartwheels! I tried to look busy as they chatted amongst themselves like my heart wasn’t on the line. She finally walked back to the desk with a sunken loom on her face. I waited patiently for her to tell me my fate. “I’m sorry Royal,” she said slowly. My eyes filled with tears “when I went over there he asked me on a date before I could explain to him my reason for coming over. I said yes, and before you get upset with me, he said that he didn’t see you in that way.” My tears ran hot down my face I wanted to attack her, so I did! “How could you! You’re my best friend!” She just sat there looking wounded, as if it wasn’t my cheat that was ripped open and my heart that was crushed into a million pieces by their infatuation. The night I lay in my bed still outraged. I had to make them hurt the way they hurt me. They had to know how it feels to watch live die! I lost a friend and my love in the same day. How? How could my horoscope not warn me of this?” I don’t know how I finally drifted off to slee. The next morning I wake and check my horoscope ‘Good Morning Royal, the sun is in Virgo today which means you will feel rather emotional today. Try to end any unfinished problems that may hurt you.” Say no more. I grabbed my fathers gun out the top of my closet and went to the car ready for school. When I stood outside class I could see them laughing, like they have loved each other for years. Before I knew it I had pulled the trigger and killed them both! I blacked out. I can’t really give details. But now I lay in this cell not knowing what tomorrow holds, there is no horoscope in prison.
By Tristyn Janai3 years ago in Criminal
Poor people need luck, Rich people have Faith
Life is a chess game, and money is funny. It seems we work really hard day in, and day out just to have little things like nourishment, shelter, and God forbid a little entertainment. Sitting in class right next to people that come from money, who don’t worry about jobs, or test grades, or after school jobs, after graduation, they’re out going right to work at their families business. Who could be mad? Though sometimes you tend to look at yourself in comparison. Ironically the subject in today’s class was money management. Today was Friday, and I was ready for today to be over. I loved this class, I think it was because I truly enjoyed my professor Mr. Koové. He was brilliant, down to earth and witty. He stood maybe 5’10, dark hair that was beginning to grey from the cause of stress, but old age. He wore designer frames around his bifocals, which definitely gave him an edge, and you can tell he used to be an athlete because of his build. He stood up really straight with a presence that was felt, but not intimidating. His voice boomed, rather it was excitement, passion, or confidence it made people around him take notice. His energy radiated comfort, which made anyone around him feel invited. When I become a full fledged thriving adult,I want to be described the same way as Mr. Koové. “Tenacity!” I heard my name screamed at me by tiny voices, “Here!” I blurted, almost as a reflex. Mr. Koové looked at me and chuckled, “we are not doing role call, I asked you what are some things that could bring wealth to a poor person?” I rolled my eyes, “If I knew the answer to that, Mr. Koové I wouldn’t be sitting here with holes in the bottom of my shoes.” The class roared with laughter, but the statement almost brought tears to my eyes. From the look on the teachers face, I could see he was on the brig of tears too. He raised his hand, as to bring the class back to attention, the banter stopped immediately. Still focused on me “I’m sorry Tenacity I didn’t mean that to mock you...” Before he could finish his sentence Brittany, who sat right beside me cut him off “Mr. Koové, why don’t you ask someone who already has money that question. Like if you would have asked me, I would have said investments. She fluttered her long 28mm mink lash extensions at me, I’m sure it was because she was pleased with herself. You could smell her Marc Jacobs Daisy perfume all around her, like it has become part of her dna. I only knew the name because she made sure everyone understood that it was her ‘Signature Scent.’ Unlike me who had to make the two bottles of her bath and bodyworks body spray last until I could afford more. The smell of my body spray didn’t last till lunch. She only wore clothes that came from Pink, or lulu, like she was ready for yoga at any second. She called her jewelry pieces, so you understood that they were real without her having to make it obvious that she was bragging. She carried a matching Louis Vuitton backpack and purse to class. She parked right outside of the building in a red Gwagon that she bragged about being surprised with, just for making through the first semester here. We did not get along if it wasn’t obvious. She always made it a point to humiliate me, always giving me a reason to despise her. I finally looked away from Her back to the front of the class. Then the bell rings, and for some reason I let out a long exhale, as if I was holding my breath. “Tenacity?” I rolled my eyes, hearing my name being said in that manner means charity was coming in the next sentence and I hated charity. Being a senior in college with nothing but debt means you learn to accept a bunch of charity though. “Yes sir?” I turned slowly to meet his gaze. I have a book for you, I really hope you read it. It’s called ‘Poor people need luck, Rich people have faith.’” The title made me smirk, “I guess it’s easier to have faith when a good thing like money is at your disposal.” He chuckled and said “sometimes it’s right in the palms of our hands, and we don’t even know it.” He dropped the little black book in my hand, and walked back to his desk. “I will not be here, after Tuesday, so I suggest you read it by then, or not.” He sat back in his big black leather chair, looking really pleased with himself. Knowing Mr. Koové, I knew there was something hidden in that remark that I would catch later, but I had too many things to over analyze to let a simple remark be my priority.
By Tristyn Janai3 years ago in Families
