Your Spirit awaits

There has been many events in my life that I have faced which has caused me to crawl inside myself. I would hide from the world, lay in bed, drink wine, find a tv show that would take away any thoughts. Until one day something that I thought was in my head but actually took place in my spirit, just clicked. I wanted to grow closer with myself. I can not explain how it happened, what I was doing when it happened , it just happened! I kept calling it my core. “I’m getting back to my core, the old me.” I would say, not know how true that statement was, or how centered, or deep this journey would take me. I didn’t know the actual name, or understand its actual name. I didn’t understand what was taking place in my life, or what I should do about it. It was constantly on my mind that I would try to share this “awakening” with anyone that would listen. I could have not have had a worse idea. See when you’re learning more about yourself, and trying to become in tune with your spirit, you can NOT try to convey that with others who have not reached that part of spiritual maturity!

I often got frustrated, and lost in my journey, because I was wanting someone who could understand, still needing someone to validate me, still needing their energy to understand my own, when honestly they had no clue either. People are all looking for someone to give them direction, when our spirit has our journey mapped out. In this passage I will be discussing my spiritual journey, and making a safe place for others to discuss theirs.

Everyone, and everything is supposed to be one with the earth. We are the only living things on this planet that goes against what we were created to do. River follow the current, bees make honey, caterpillars go through metamorphosis, and sea horses find one mate, and mate for life. We love who we shouldn’t, eat things we shouldn’t, and put down others when we are meant to uplift one another, And that’s fine, we were created with free will to do just that. There is no written map that’s attached to your birth certificate to help you, and even If there was some would not follow through. Every now and again we come across obstacles that create something inside of us. Some try to block it with drugs, sex, or work. Others completely ignore it, and some actually try to internalize it. If you are someone who internalizes obstacles, or conversations with others wether they are good or bad, and ponder on them all day thinking about what you could have said, or just how the conversation made you feel, you are internalizing it. Too much of something can be just bad enough. I will over think something, and when it was supposed to just be a feeling, I will make it apart of me! What I mean by that is something can make me angry, and instead of just feeling anger and letting it do what feelings were made to do, allow us to feel, and then leave. I would harbor those emotions letting them enter into my spirit, allowing that anger to become apart of me. Our spirit is the only thing on this earth that we leave with, and a bunch of us treat it so mean and forget to protect it. I would allow anyone who meant my spirit harm to come in and attack it. Even people I didn’t know! Let people tell me who I was and what I was about, I would listen to it, believe it, and start being that exact same thing. I carried around anger, and it made me an bitter person I don’t recognize love in its purest form, and if you can’t recognize something in it purest for you are in Troy own Some carry around jealousy and it makes them an insecure person, they will never see beauty, or accept anything good being jealous. Others carry around fear, and it makes them so afraid to take risk that they never evolve into what they could be! I became tired of harvesting my emotions to the point they became who I was! I am Not an angry person. That’s not me, I am wonderfully made! I am My beautiful smile, that is contagious and give everyone joy, I am A Queen even. I never realized how easy it was to internalize negatively, and let that become apart of myself even though that was something I was doing. I have never practiced internalizing positive emotions. I dismiss compliments mentally, and think heavy on the words that are meant to hurt me. I did not know that I could send those words back to the person giving them, I did not have to accept anything I did not want into my subconscious. “I DONT ACCEPT THAT! I AM CAPABLE OF ANYTHING I HAVE PURPOSE.” Telling myself that after someone felt comfortable enough to speak negatively it helped me to block things out of my subconscious. Before learning that simple trick, I would feed off of others praises, or criticisms of me. The praises were short lived, but I would do almost anything to get them. I wanted to be liked, I wanted to feel accepted, I wanted to matter. The criticism lived on forever. Even if I tried to turn it into motivation it was done in spite of, not because it felt good to my soul. I don’t want anyone to have the ability to control me. As humans we have to learn how we can connect with our spirit and be in control of our thoughts, our emotions, and most importantly our spirit. First thing to began this connecting process is to quit betraying yourself by being around people, and energy that give you negative emotions. If it is necessary for you be around those people practice using fraises with them such as “I no longer want to indulge in this conversation.” “This conversation is making me feel uncomfortable.” “I don’t understand how this conversation is beneficial to me mentally.” No one should speak to your spirit but you! If you like what someone has to say and want to accept it, speak it on your own words to yourself, my spirit will have a voice recognition, only my voice will have access. Only when you have strengthened your connection with your spirit should you allow others access to your new found self on your terms.