I live in Northern New Jersey. I was raised in a small town in Bergen County, NJ. Everything is super expensive here. You can’t live comfortably unless you’re making six figures. I’m lucky to be making five figures with three jobs. Yes, you read that correctly, I work THREE jobs. PLUS I’m trying to get a small side business going. And it’s not like I spend my money foolishly either. Actually, I hate spending money. I don’t buy anything unless I absolutely have to. My main bills are rent, car payment, car insurance, cell phone, PSE&G, water bill, and Netflix. Yes, I have Netflix. I have neither cable nor WiFi. I have unlimited data on my cell phone and use it has a hotspot to connect my cell phone to my iPad over Bluetooth. I’m not home enough to make good use of a cable plan, so if I feel like watching something, I look on Netflix. Everything in Northern Jersey is expensive; however, I’m reluctant to move out of state. All of the certifications I have are good only in New Jersey. It would be very time consuming and expensive for me to get certifications in another state. I cannot afford to not work. I wouldn’t be able to even afford my car payment if I wasn’t working. So I can’t take the time to get out of state certifications. So instead I stay in New Jersey and I struggle to make ends meet every month. At this point, I’m happy that I can get my bills paid.
I’m a bicentennial baby. Yes, I was born in 1976. My parents are Army vets. Yes, I said Army vets. I grew up in a caring household. My parents weren’t overly strict, but they also didn’t let me do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. They set boundaries to ensure that we were safe. They taught me morals and values. I had a healthy balance of dependence and independence. I knew that if I wanted any success in life that I would have to work at myself. Nothing was handed to me. My parents taught me how to be responsible for myself and for my actions. If I did something wrong, I had to own up to it. There was no “all inclusion” for things. If we wanted to be a part of something we had to try out for it, or meet certain criteria for it. When I go to work, I know that I have to perform my best if I want to be a good employee. I’ve noticed that things aren’t like that with the younger generation. I’ve noticed myself clashing a lot with the younger adults of today.
No, I am not Kermit the frog. I am just trying to make it in this world as a single female. I feel that I am faced with many inequalities and struggles. I feel like I am constantly trying to prove myself to men. No female should ever have to feel like that. I can do anything that a man can do….. And I have proven that to men time and time again. I have taken on every challenge that men have given me. And I have succeeded. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. I should not HAVE to prove myself to ANYONE except for myself. But, I do love seeing the looks on men’s faces when they did not think I could do something.
I usually make New Year’s resolutions. I did not do that this year. Last year opened my eyes to a lot of things. My circle of friends got smaller. I was reminded that I am the only one who is in control of my life. I cannot rely on anyone else to make me happy. I did a lot of thinking last year and I reminded myself that there are things that are never going to change. There are people who will really never care about anyone else except themselves. Those are the people who are manipulative and will do whatever they have to do to make themselves look good and other people look bad. I do not want to associate with people like that. That is not who I am. People did a lot of damage to me last year, and I have spent the past few months trying to get out of a major slump. I am not back to 100 percent yet, but I am definitely doing better than I was 3 or 4 months ago.
As 2018 comes to a close, I look back at all that has occurred. Some good. Some not so good. I don’t want to erase the not so good things from my mind, as they all taught me lessons. I was reminded that people who I thought would always be there for me actually ended up turning their backs on me (figuratively and literally). I was reminded of the people who aren’t happy unless there is some sort of drama in their lives. I learned that people tend to let their lives be controlled by negative people instead of just thinking for themselves.
Almost six months ago. That is when I left my full time nursing position in a doctor’s office. I left because it had turned into a hostile work environment. It was making my life miserable and had me second guessing myself as a nurse. A lot has happened since then. I have been struggling financially. Most of the time I do not know if I will be able to eat three meals a day (I have pretty much been eating only one meal about halfway through the day and I have been trying to drink as much water as possible to curb the hunger feeling). Now, don't get me wrong, I have still been working two part time jobs; they just have not been generating enough income to get all of my bills paid every month. I no longer have cable TV. I had to extend my auto loan by two months and I am currently trying to figure out how I am going to make this month's payment. It took me the entire month of September to pay my rent (and I have not paid it yet this month). I have had to wait until they threaten to cancel my car insurance before I pay it (I have had to do the same with my cell phone as well).