I Still Feel like I'm 17.
I still feel like I’m younger than I actually am. Anyone else feel the same way? I can’t speak for anyone else, but for some reason even after graduating high school and then going straight to college, some things still feel the same way. Honestly, this doesn’t, and hasn’t been a good thing for a long time. The reason it’s specifically 17 and not older or younger, is that’s the age when I became acutely aware of my surroundings. How to perceive people; gauge their emotions and whether or not they were having a bad day or not. Putting others ahead of myself. Whether that’s really simple and mundane things like making sure they have a fresh dry towel for a shower, or making sure their drink is topped up. It’s that level of perception that really gauges how I interact and engage with individuals these days. And it’s been that way for years now. This is used particularly for the bad situations, more so than the good ones. I guess I would even go so far as to call it some kind of defense mechanism. And no matter how far ahead of the curve I am, or how many steps ahead I am of a situation before it even becomes one, sooner or later, I mess it up and the end result is always the same; me, burying me head in the sand, wondering how I didn’t foresee that one tiny minute detail, which lead to the whole situation falling out of control. And all that does is perpetuate this cycle of always trying to be ahead of the problem. Which, in reality, you can’t do. It’s impossible. And I know that. So, why can’t I stop?
