I Remember...

What made you smile. Those silly, stupid voices I did for you all the time in between classes; where we only had roughly five minutes each break so we had to make the most of it. Running to find one another in the shortest amount of time possible. I remember how neither of us were people pleasers; we both had that default look on our faces that just screamed ‘don’t talk to me’. But then if we couldn’t find one another, we would just pass by each other and give the warmest smile to you and I. It only lasted for maybe a second at best, because we walked just so quickly. But I can still see the moment in my head if I close my eyes. We’d turn to each other, exchange smiles and maybe a little wave, and then back to staring down whatever was in front of us with that death stare. I always laughed to myself whenever it happened because I hadn’t done that with anyone else before.

Those doodles and drawings you always worked on whenever we were in our free period together. You were always working on something. Whether it was for one of your art classes, or just something you decided to create on the spot. You always had a pencil and some paper in your backpack. Granted, it was a complete mess with papers from every class stuffed in there as well. But, if you looked hard enough, you’d find all different kinds of sketches, full completed or not even halfway done. Your style was something special. It was really unique. And this was only proven further when we had to write a story for one of our English writing classes. I can still picture the difference in quality between ours. It was night and day. Plus, your story concept was just better. I wasn’t even jealous; more in shock as to just how good yours was. Other people said the same thing, and you always kind of waved off the compliments. But I had to do the same; it would’ve been rude of me not too with how good the art was. I still have the few little sketches you did for me in class because you were bored. They still make me laugh.

Those long nights after school where we’d talk for hours. Which would eventually bleed into my sleep. But it was the first time in my life where I didn’t care about getting as close to eight hours of sleep. Because I had someone worth more than that weight in sleep that I wanted to spend time with. Those nights would normally end with one of us falling asleep with our phone still open net to our pillow, but neither of us cared because we got so much done in the time we did have. And even if it wasn’t super late, we still would go back and forth the moment we left school. If we couldn’t talk in person, it was done over the phone immediately after. It was nice. You might be away for the weekend visiting family so you may be a little busier and can’t be glued to your phone, but I always knew that you’d respond when you could. That layer of security brought me peace. That someone I wanted to talk to a lot also wanted that, even if they couldn’t act on it from time to time. You’d be at work, and you would still sneak in silly memes and goofy photos. I always worried you’d get in trouble though, luckily it didn’t happen. At least to my knowledge.

Everything I ever felt. The emotional waves building up overtime. How it never left once it was around. These… feelings that I had felt before, and yet they were different. Sure, I had more than one crush on someone in school. I’m sure that’s not a shock to anyone. But with you it was so much more than that. At least, that’s what the feelings resonating inside me said. And I think that’s a by-product of us spending so much time together. With anyone else, it was always feelings from afar; they could never actually be acted upon. It was only ever my imagination running wild. Not with you. Those imaginations became a reality. We would actually spend time together; whether it was a random car ride here and there, or going to get a new comic that you wanted and just tagging along. We’d always find a way to make our time together worth it. But in reality, I would’ve settled for just sitting together in a room together sharing stupid pictures on our phones. We didn’t have to do anything fancy, or adventurous or even fun. I was content with those slower and quieter moments. Cause even if it was slow and chill my mind and emotions and feelings were always in overdrive. Trying to piece together the best approach to just saying it. But ultimately never having the courage to just come out with it. The risk wasn’t worth the reward, that’s what I constantly told myself. You’ll lose what you have, and at the time, I would’ve been devastated in that happened.

Well… if I could tell younger me what was going to happen after all these memories, maybe he would’ve reconsidered his thought process. All these talks, the laughs, the good times. They’re just memories now. I’ll hold onto them for a long long time, but that’s it. Nothing else will ever become of them. And every now and again, when I’m daydreaming off in the distance somewhere, I’ll close my eyes and recall that same old phrase every time I feel like going down this road again.

I remember…