Novelist (writing as LJ Denholm) - Under Rand Farm - available in paperback via Amazon and *FREE* via Kindle Unlimited!
Short story writer - Mr. Threadbare, Farmer Young et al
Humour writer - NewsThump, BBC Comedy.
Kids' writer - TBC!
I Love the Sound of Breaking Glass
I love the sound of breaking glass, As something has gone wrong. I love the impact the sound invokes, -This startling does not take long.
Hunting the White Car Man
hunting the + + + + W H I T E C A R M A N
British people who say ‘asshole’ instead of ‘arsehole’ are ‘massive t**ts’ finds study
A study exploring the ever-evolving quirks of British speakers of the English language has confirmed that those who choose to say the invasive American ‘asshole’ over the classic British ‘arsehole’ are ‘massive twats of the highest order’.
Dog confirmed as being ‘much more popular’ than owners
A particularly friendly and excitable dog is far and away the most popular member of a North Yorkshire family, according to sources close to the dog and its owners.
Home (is in the) Skirting Boards
Home (is in the) skirting boards. Home: the place I'll find often the time, To sit upon the floor, Between the chairs and sofa,
PETE HADDEN, VETERAN SCOTTISH RADIO DJ bursts back into his studio as a condensed radio edit of Purple Rain plays out. He is slightly out of breath; has spent the duration of the song in the bathroom. He is still zipping up his tailored, powder-blue jeans. The ON AIR light turns on the second he assembles himself in his seat, sitting on his phone which he has stuffed into his back pocket, and leans into his mic.
(I'm Going to the) Plop Shop!
(I’m Going to the) Plop Shop! I gotta funny feeling down in my pants, I don’t think it’s as simple as a bum full of ants,
Farty Mum! All of our mums are the world’s best ma’s, We love and wanna hug them all day! Which is why they’ve developed a super stinky fart-