A Slow Decent Into Madness
It's 2AM and all I have to do is wait. Death comes for all of us. The problem is death doesn't announce itself or waits to be invited, it just comes whenever it chooses and then it’s over. Death doesn’t care if your ready, or if you want it to come. Most people are surprised when death comes, like they hoped death would visit them at another time or another hour. The irony that the only certainty of life is death is the only thing that makes me laugh now.
One Moment of Calm
Sometimes all it takes is one moment, one deep breath to put everything in perspective. Usually my life is dictated by fear: of the unknown, of my past, of judgments from others. So it was hard for me to finally say fu** the fear and just do what I thought was right.
I started my vegan journey a year ago. I liked the idea of veganism on a conceptual level because I saw plenty of PETA videos about factory farming. It made me physically ill to watch little piglets and cows be physically abused just so I could eat meat and dairy products. I knew that ethically it was wrong to eat meat after seeing these videos. Like most people who jump into a vegan lifestyle, I felt overwhelmed because I realized very quickly that veganism requires a commitment to reading labels and researching preservatives. I then ended up down the rabbit hole of forum posts for vegans. For the first 6 months I always felt unsure of myself... my shopping was taking 3 times as long as normal.
Hi, my name is Elizabeth and I'm a functional drug addict and workaholic
I've always been a person with a plan, a goal, something to strive for. I like knowing where I'm going and why. I like being in control. My favorite days are the ones where I can account for every moment of the day and articulate how it helps me accomplish my plan or goal.
Knitting in Coffeehouses as the Sun Goes Down
I love to knit in coffeeshops after work. My work is done in my quiet apartment, usually alone. I write hoping I will create a narrative that will resonate with someone. Reading chapters and writing papers for my graduate classes until my quiet apartment becomes oppressive and stifling.
Please be patient, I have autism
I often hurt people unexpectedly and unintentionally. I was diagnosed with Pervasive Developmental Disorder - Not Otherwise specified (PDD-NOS) back in my mid-twenties. I was completing my last semester of my undergraduate studies at the time. Back then, PDD-NOS was its own thing, something I had never heard of until my therapist mentioned it to me.
I am Brown
I am the color of my grandmother’s eyes, peaceful in death. The comforting smell of freshly brewed coffee Gulped down as we remember her.