Giving up Caffeine

Ever since I was 15 I would start my day with coffee. I saved up money for a few weeks and bought my own coffee maker. It was the very first piece of technology I ever bought myself. I remember putting in the filter, adding ground coffee, filling the machine with filtered water and setting the alarm. I kept the coffee maker in my room and the smell of fresh coffee would wake me up before school. It was what I drank when I got home from school and what I drank throughout the day on weekends.

Drinking coffee became my favorite part of the day. I used to joke that if coffee was a person I’d marry it. I loved its rich dark brown bitterness. I would see the tendrils of smoke coming from my cup and would laugh as I took a sniff. I loved how drinking enough coffee would allow me to easily go 24-48 hours without sleep, which, at the time, was seen the most efficient way to spend my time. I would have to increase my caffeine intake every month or so in order to function. In my late 20’s I was drinking anywhere from 24 - 40 cups of coffee a day.

When I was 28 years old I’d gotten used to sleeping 2 - 3 hours a night. I’d gotten used to the feeling of immense fatigue and the near constant feeling of anxiety I felt. However, I began to notice that coffee no longer made me feel more alert or awake. It actually made me feel sleepy. I decided that coffee wasn’t working and instead of trying to lower my caffeine intake, I increased it by drinking energy drinks and taking caffeine pills.

At first these were amazing. I felt more alert than ever. I was so productive and got a lot done each day. Only the problem was that my body got used to the caffeine so I would always have to increase it. I remember having to take 6 caffeine pills and drink 4-7 energy drinks a day just to stay awake. I remember during finals where I would be in classes for 2.5 hours and I would drink 6 energy drinks in a sitting. I remember my professor looking at me with concern. Of course that amount of caffeine would make me restless and even start to hallucinate so I began taking melatonin to reduce the side effects.

The turning point for me was realizing I was spending 120 -150 dollars a week on caffeine and melatonin. I decided to stop taking in caffeine cold turkey.

I started on Saturday and I slept 18 hours in 4-6 hour increments. My body ached from sleeping that long and I still felt exhausted. When I was awake, I drank water but I couldn’t eat. The pain my head was so intense. I couldn’t even have the lights on because it hurt my eyes. It was hard to talk in complete sentences and my thoughts would go off on tangents, tangents that always went back to caffeine. It was hard to move or walk and I felt wobbly. Moving my mouth to chew was so bad I would become sick to my stomach. I drank vegetable broth in order to get some calories.

Sunday was better. The pain in my head was slightly less but the cravings were worse. I ended up sleeping 18 hours this day as well in 4-6 hour increments. The good thing was my body ached less and I could walk easily. I was finally able to eat thankfully.

Monday was much better. I still had a horrible headache but it was much better than the weekend. I slept 12 hours this day in 2 6 hour increments. The cravings were there but not as intense. I spent most of the day cleaning.

Tuesday was great. I slept 10 hours and the cravings for caffeine were gone. I drank water and ate regularly. This was the first day I felt rested and not anxious. I didn’t know that I could feel this good.

It’s Friday and I can honestly say that I won’t be going back to caffeine (mostly because the withdrawal process was so bad I never want to experience it again. I honestly don’t need caffeine. I see now that getting 8-10 hours of sleep a night gives me sufficient energy to get through the day. My body feels strong and my mind feels sharp and ready to take on any challenges that come my way.